Zach Tartell
06-29-2008, 03:23 AM
Alright, you plebeian bastards, get ready for a report embarrassingly shorty followed by the best props/slops section ever. (ever)
Pre-tournament bull:
I met up with Bryant at FNM at Comix Zone. Drafting a terrible :b::r: deck whose only redeeming value was the foil Din of the Fireheard I pulled third or fourth pick.
Bryant and I leave Comix Zone, heading o'er to the Carousel to catch Wanted (yeah, that's right, I underline movie titles. Big whoop, want to fight about it?). Notable conversation: Bryant calling Jason Wallace (not Mike Edinger) and screaming "Where the fuck are you!?!" at him. Priceless.
Wanted was pretty sick. I don't think that Angelina Jolie's ass was particularly noteworthy (too skinny for my taste), but Bryant kept on talking about it for the next full day.
We got to Bryant's house (sleep over FTW bitches) and I was introduced to his neighbors, who really know how to party. Also, it's a lot more impressive on the inside then I'd thought (not busing on Bryant or anything, I was just pleasantly surprised at the decor and shit).
I practice with my chosen deck (NQD, which has at least 80% matches against everything but Nourishing Lich) against TES for a while, but Bryant really just mops the floor with me. We get to bed around two, I snore like a real man, and Bryant whines that I snore (like a real man).
Wake up early, shower and other minutiae, and get picked up by Jason "Wallace" Wallace and Nick "nickrit2000" Wowelko (sp?).
Amazing Xm commentators discuss amazing topics amazingly.
This is getting boring. I'm going to make another list (and probably write down my decklist in between the two) right here:
Aight, get ready for this savage tech, folks. ENQD has been like eight months in development, start to finish, and non-team members Nate Schlager (not his last name in real life) and Eric Copenhaver contributed greatly:
Maindeck (60):
4 Ichorid
4 Bridge from Below
4 Narcomoeba
4 Breakthrough
4 Putrid Imp
4 Stinkweed Imp
3 Golgari Thug
4 Golgari Grave-Troll
4 Cephalid Coliseum
4 City of Brass
4 Gemstone Mine
1 Careful Study
3 Deep Analysis
4 Lion's Eye Diamond
3 Dread Return
1 Flame-Kin Zealot
1 Cephalid Sage
4 Cabal Therapy
Sideboard (15):
4 Pithing Needle
4 Leyline of the Void
4 Chain of Vapor
1 Woodfall Primus
1 Ancestor's Chosen
1 Ray of Revelation
The deck is actually straight forward, for those who aren't familiar with NQD. The idea is to essentially deck yourself, activate some Narcomoebas, reanimate a couple Ichorids, and beat some face. I won't take full responsibility for the NQD archtype, but I'd bet 100,000 Dong (the currency in Vietnam, worth approximately four dollars (USD)) that nobody else has done any development under NQD's name, at least publicly.
The report!
We get to the event place early, go grab lunch, and come back for some serious Skittles action.
Shane "Watcher487" Flannigan and Jason "CorruptedAngel" Sims show up and beg for cards. Unfortunately,
Jason "anus face" Wallace left his Dragon Stompy at home. Luckily for the rest of the world, Zach "Two Baskets" Tartell produces a complete 75-card Dragon Stompy deck (half Daemon Whitby signed). Wow, that guy is a pimp.
We hook Sims up with what we can (normally the rest of Albany would be here with their considerable collections, but they decided to be pussies or something).
Y'know, I'd accept a "We all shat our pants on the way home last night" from all of them and call us even. (Savage throwback reference, Zach)
Round 1: Matt Mcnally's UGwb Thresh
-Game 1: I win the die roll with boxcars, and drop my dick on the table. I mill about forty cards and get a handful of Narcomoebas and Bridges, then flashback a Cabal Therapy targeting him. He enters scoop phase.
-Game 2: -5 Combo Pieces, +4 Needle, 1 Chain of Vapor. Matt mulls once (maybe) and hesitantly keeps his hand. I remember after the match he despairs that he should have mulled more aggressively towards his hate. He drops a Tundra and Ponders. I mill like ~35 cards and hit 3 Moebas and 4 Therapies with double Bridge; Matt scoops. (a solid, 3 turn match). I steal a Skittles deck from Jason Wallace and we play for the remainder of the round. Ben (or Bob or... Baxter) "insertnamehere" What's-his-last-name swings by to pay his respects after handing Dreadstill its ass with Dragon Stompy and sees the Skittles game, believing it to be our tournament match. Asking for some explanation (I have Domain on turn 4 off of a savage Kodama's Reach and just Evoked a Mulldrifter and stuck it back on top of my library with Haunted Crossroads); I calmly fan my hand (with some trash like Tidings, Firespout, and Silkbind Faerie) to him, and let him in on the last thing Cavius did before he was banned - Not Quite Dreadstill. This powerful pile can power out wins against Thresh at a startling 60% pre/ 75% post-board win percentage, can out-card advantage Control, and race Combo with its threat-dense, diverse clock. I'm sure he believed me for at least the first couple sentences.
Round 2: Matt Leblanc's UGr Thresh
Game 1 takes like a year. I go DDD (for those not savvy with NQD's terminology, that's Draw, Discard, Dredge) for a couple turns, then start laying land that gets promptly wasted. I very slowly establish a clock with some persistent Ichorids, and force through Matt's 100,000 Fire//Ices.
Game 2: -5 Combo pieces, Same board (this is a similar boarding strat throughout the tournament) in. Matt doesn't have a Force of Will for my LED-fueled Breakthrough; I am not a gentle lover. He scoops it up after I Therapy him for Engineered Explosives, revealing that he has 0 board hate. Ya good meta calls.
Round 3: Nick Wowelko's Canadian Thresh
Game 1: I hate being bitter, but it seems to me that Nick couldn't have wished for a better hand. He has something nasty like this in consecutive turns, "Goose, Goose, Ponder, Goyf, Goyf." Savagery. I scoop it up after he drops the second Goyf.
Game 2: I don't like talking about losing. Nick drops a first turn Crypt which I get him to use when I dredge into a bridge. He ponders into a second, I can't recover.
Round 4: Daemon "Parcher" Whitby's UGw Thresh
Game 1: This is another 100 year match. I kept on lucksacking into the best possible dredges, and Daemon locks me down with Counter/Top from touching his hand with Therapies (but they still make Zombies!!); I win with Narcomoeba beats over a couple Threshed Geese into an Enforcer that couldn't swing (lest I Ichorid his face off). I eventually go the distance with like six tokens.
Game 2: Usual boarding; I mull to 5. Daemon Ponders off of a Tundra, (I kept a hand of Coliseum, Coliseum, LED, Deep Analysis, Golgari Thug) I draw a second LED and drop a Coliseum and both of the LED's. Daemon predicts himself during his mainphase, drawing two, and passes the turn. I go absolutely nuts. I draw trash for turn, crack LED #1 for a Deep Analysis, dredge into a Grave-Troll, dredge into another Grave-Troll, and it gets uglier from there. Daemon had left two Forces in his deckbox, so it might have gone differently if he'd had 'em. As it was, he scooped it up.
Round 5 Geoffrey Beffrey Smelski's UWg Landstill (I'm 3-1, so is Geoff. It becomes apparent that one of us will not make it in)
Game 1: I slowly, inevetably, grind Geoff down from 20 to 0. It sounds boring when you say it like that, but let me assure you - it was very boring.
Game 2: -5 Combo, +4 Chain of Vapor, +1 Ray of Revelation. I didn't know what to expect, but clearly Geoff was in the same boat. His turn 2 Meddling Mage was on Dread Return. Made me wish Gearhart was there so I could first show him my Gearhart-signed City of Solitudes, then show him the combo sitting in my board for a high five and maybe a couple rounds of "Zach Tartell is the sickness!" Anyway, game 2 goes much quicker (game 1 prolly took about a half hour) - Geoff didn't Fact into Decree this time (and I didn't have to split it 4-1 to keep him from it again), and I kept on milling nuts shit. I made quick work of him.
Round 6: ID with Bob Coaches (I know it's spelled way differently, but I'm too lazy to look it up, and I'm pretty sure he won't mind)
Dave Finstien does some of his math workings and assures me that should Nick Wowelko lose I'm a lock for the top 8. Turns out I was anyway, and shouldn't have been worrying.
Top 8:
I hate writing about losing. Mike "Hollywood" "A_Legend" Keller beats me in a solid 3. I mopped the floor with him game 1, he beat the shit out of me games 2 and 3 (literally. Well, Figuratively - he played $80 1/1s and turned them sideways. Frequently. Twice.). He was a classy opponent, as always, and I don't feel so bad. Still sucks, though.
Props:
Jim, first, and always. For keeping the dream alive.
Colin, for calling shotty on that shit (we'll agree that Jim blitz'd and leave it at that).
Wallace, for driving
Off the Wall Games, for holding amazing tournaments with good prize support. Even though I'd've like something more than a Goyf when first is a Mox, and third and fourth (or whatever - the prize support was beyond me) got playsets of blue duals.
Shane, for being a pimp
Parcher, for signing about another half of my Dragon Stompy deck, leaving me with like five parts pimp one part too good to have silver shit all over.
Bombs Over Baghdad. Seriously
Sims, for having a smoking hot girlfriend (I don't think that's too weird)
Sims again for lending me that Needle.
Hollywood, for shelling out $300 for a set of Recruiters and then turning them sideways. Mono-Red Aluren FTW.
Eric and Nate for helping me work on NQD for as long and patiently as they did. Seriously - if I'd listened to them I might have even won.
Nick, for being so quiet you almost forget about him until he drops a bomb and you're like, "Holy shit, Nick's here! Yaus!"
Slops:
Me. Seriously - my farts were so potent that I was a little embarrassed during play. And it's not even like they gave me an edge, so much as a headache.
Albany who sin't Shane or Sims, for being gay and not coming.
Bryant. "I'm gonna win a mox - I mean 1-3 drop."
Eastern MA players (see, I can't spell the name of your state so I left it up to interpertation)(Do you ever get smothered by all those consonants?). It's like a half hour ride from wherever you live (I'm in Edinger-talking-about-European-geography mode, so don't argue with me. You live a half hour from the tournament site).
Brendan - I even brought the Beta Verduran Enchantress for you to sign. You broke both our hearts.
Wallace, for leaving his deck at home (and bring a half-proxied type 2 deck instead).
If I spelled anything wrong or didn't accurately recount our match, tough titties - it's freaking late, and I'ma go to bed.
Edit: The props/slops were way shorter than I'd planned. Sucks to be you guys.
Pre-tournament bull:
I met up with Bryant at FNM at Comix Zone. Drafting a terrible :b::r: deck whose only redeeming value was the foil Din of the Fireheard I pulled third or fourth pick.
Bryant and I leave Comix Zone, heading o'er to the Carousel to catch Wanted (yeah, that's right, I underline movie titles. Big whoop, want to fight about it?). Notable conversation: Bryant calling Jason Wallace (not Mike Edinger) and screaming "Where the fuck are you!?!" at him. Priceless.
Wanted was pretty sick. I don't think that Angelina Jolie's ass was particularly noteworthy (too skinny for my taste), but Bryant kept on talking about it for the next full day.
We got to Bryant's house (sleep over FTW bitches) and I was introduced to his neighbors, who really know how to party. Also, it's a lot more impressive on the inside then I'd thought (not busing on Bryant or anything, I was just pleasantly surprised at the decor and shit).
I practice with my chosen deck (NQD, which has at least 80% matches against everything but Nourishing Lich) against TES for a while, but Bryant really just mops the floor with me. We get to bed around two, I snore like a real man, and Bryant whines that I snore (like a real man).
Wake up early, shower and other minutiae, and get picked up by Jason "Wallace" Wallace and Nick "nickrit2000" Wowelko (sp?).
Amazing Xm commentators discuss amazing topics amazingly.
This is getting boring. I'm going to make another list (and probably write down my decklist in between the two) right here:
Aight, get ready for this savage tech, folks. ENQD has been like eight months in development, start to finish, and non-team members Nate Schlager (not his last name in real life) and Eric Copenhaver contributed greatly:
Maindeck (60):
4 Ichorid
4 Bridge from Below
4 Narcomoeba
4 Breakthrough
4 Putrid Imp
4 Stinkweed Imp
3 Golgari Thug
4 Golgari Grave-Troll
4 Cephalid Coliseum
4 City of Brass
4 Gemstone Mine
1 Careful Study
3 Deep Analysis
4 Lion's Eye Diamond
3 Dread Return
1 Flame-Kin Zealot
1 Cephalid Sage
4 Cabal Therapy
Sideboard (15):
4 Pithing Needle
4 Leyline of the Void
4 Chain of Vapor
1 Woodfall Primus
1 Ancestor's Chosen
1 Ray of Revelation
The deck is actually straight forward, for those who aren't familiar with NQD. The idea is to essentially deck yourself, activate some Narcomoebas, reanimate a couple Ichorids, and beat some face. I won't take full responsibility for the NQD archtype, but I'd bet 100,000 Dong (the currency in Vietnam, worth approximately four dollars (USD)) that nobody else has done any development under NQD's name, at least publicly.
The report!
We get to the event place early, go grab lunch, and come back for some serious Skittles action.
Shane "Watcher487" Flannigan and Jason "CorruptedAngel" Sims show up and beg for cards. Unfortunately,
Jason "anus face" Wallace left his Dragon Stompy at home. Luckily for the rest of the world, Zach "Two Baskets" Tartell produces a complete 75-card Dragon Stompy deck (half Daemon Whitby signed). Wow, that guy is a pimp.
We hook Sims up with what we can (normally the rest of Albany would be here with their considerable collections, but they decided to be pussies or something).
Y'know, I'd accept a "We all shat our pants on the way home last night" from all of them and call us even. (Savage throwback reference, Zach)
Round 1: Matt Mcnally's UGwb Thresh
-Game 1: I win the die roll with boxcars, and drop my dick on the table. I mill about forty cards and get a handful of Narcomoebas and Bridges, then flashback a Cabal Therapy targeting him. He enters scoop phase.
-Game 2: -5 Combo Pieces, +4 Needle, 1 Chain of Vapor. Matt mulls once (maybe) and hesitantly keeps his hand. I remember after the match he despairs that he should have mulled more aggressively towards his hate. He drops a Tundra and Ponders. I mill like ~35 cards and hit 3 Moebas and 4 Therapies with double Bridge; Matt scoops. (a solid, 3 turn match). I steal a Skittles deck from Jason Wallace and we play for the remainder of the round. Ben (or Bob or... Baxter) "insertnamehere" What's-his-last-name swings by to pay his respects after handing Dreadstill its ass with Dragon Stompy and sees the Skittles game, believing it to be our tournament match. Asking for some explanation (I have Domain on turn 4 off of a savage Kodama's Reach and just Evoked a Mulldrifter and stuck it back on top of my library with Haunted Crossroads); I calmly fan my hand (with some trash like Tidings, Firespout, and Silkbind Faerie) to him, and let him in on the last thing Cavius did before he was banned - Not Quite Dreadstill. This powerful pile can power out wins against Thresh at a startling 60% pre/ 75% post-board win percentage, can out-card advantage Control, and race Combo with its threat-dense, diverse clock. I'm sure he believed me for at least the first couple sentences.
Round 2: Matt Leblanc's UGr Thresh
Game 1 takes like a year. I go DDD (for those not savvy with NQD's terminology, that's Draw, Discard, Dredge) for a couple turns, then start laying land that gets promptly wasted. I very slowly establish a clock with some persistent Ichorids, and force through Matt's 100,000 Fire//Ices.
Game 2: -5 Combo pieces, Same board (this is a similar boarding strat throughout the tournament) in. Matt doesn't have a Force of Will for my LED-fueled Breakthrough; I am not a gentle lover. He scoops it up after I Therapy him for Engineered Explosives, revealing that he has 0 board hate. Ya good meta calls.
Round 3: Nick Wowelko's Canadian Thresh
Game 1: I hate being bitter, but it seems to me that Nick couldn't have wished for a better hand. He has something nasty like this in consecutive turns, "Goose, Goose, Ponder, Goyf, Goyf." Savagery. I scoop it up after he drops the second Goyf.
Game 2: I don't like talking about losing. Nick drops a first turn Crypt which I get him to use when I dredge into a bridge. He ponders into a second, I can't recover.
Round 4: Daemon "Parcher" Whitby's UGw Thresh
Game 1: This is another 100 year match. I kept on lucksacking into the best possible dredges, and Daemon locks me down with Counter/Top from touching his hand with Therapies (but they still make Zombies!!); I win with Narcomoeba beats over a couple Threshed Geese into an Enforcer that couldn't swing (lest I Ichorid his face off). I eventually go the distance with like six tokens.
Game 2: Usual boarding; I mull to 5. Daemon Ponders off of a Tundra, (I kept a hand of Coliseum, Coliseum, LED, Deep Analysis, Golgari Thug) I draw a second LED and drop a Coliseum and both of the LED's. Daemon predicts himself during his mainphase, drawing two, and passes the turn. I go absolutely nuts. I draw trash for turn, crack LED #1 for a Deep Analysis, dredge into a Grave-Troll, dredge into another Grave-Troll, and it gets uglier from there. Daemon had left two Forces in his deckbox, so it might have gone differently if he'd had 'em. As it was, he scooped it up.
Round 5 Geoffrey Beffrey Smelski's UWg Landstill (I'm 3-1, so is Geoff. It becomes apparent that one of us will not make it in)
Game 1: I slowly, inevetably, grind Geoff down from 20 to 0. It sounds boring when you say it like that, but let me assure you - it was very boring.
Game 2: -5 Combo, +4 Chain of Vapor, +1 Ray of Revelation. I didn't know what to expect, but clearly Geoff was in the same boat. His turn 2 Meddling Mage was on Dread Return. Made me wish Gearhart was there so I could first show him my Gearhart-signed City of Solitudes, then show him the combo sitting in my board for a high five and maybe a couple rounds of "Zach Tartell is the sickness!" Anyway, game 2 goes much quicker (game 1 prolly took about a half hour) - Geoff didn't Fact into Decree this time (and I didn't have to split it 4-1 to keep him from it again), and I kept on milling nuts shit. I made quick work of him.
Round 6: ID with Bob Coaches (I know it's spelled way differently, but I'm too lazy to look it up, and I'm pretty sure he won't mind)
Dave Finstien does some of his math workings and assures me that should Nick Wowelko lose I'm a lock for the top 8. Turns out I was anyway, and shouldn't have been worrying.
Top 8:
I hate writing about losing. Mike "Hollywood" "A_Legend" Keller beats me in a solid 3. I mopped the floor with him game 1, he beat the shit out of me games 2 and 3 (literally. Well, Figuratively - he played $80 1/1s and turned them sideways. Frequently. Twice.). He was a classy opponent, as always, and I don't feel so bad. Still sucks, though.
Props:
Jim, first, and always. For keeping the dream alive.
Colin, for calling shotty on that shit (we'll agree that Jim blitz'd and leave it at that).
Wallace, for driving
Off the Wall Games, for holding amazing tournaments with good prize support. Even though I'd've like something more than a Goyf when first is a Mox, and third and fourth (or whatever - the prize support was beyond me) got playsets of blue duals.
Shane, for being a pimp
Parcher, for signing about another half of my Dragon Stompy deck, leaving me with like five parts pimp one part too good to have silver shit all over.
Bombs Over Baghdad. Seriously
Sims, for having a smoking hot girlfriend (I don't think that's too weird)
Sims again for lending me that Needle.
Hollywood, for shelling out $300 for a set of Recruiters and then turning them sideways. Mono-Red Aluren FTW.
Eric and Nate for helping me work on NQD for as long and patiently as they did. Seriously - if I'd listened to them I might have even won.
Nick, for being so quiet you almost forget about him until he drops a bomb and you're like, "Holy shit, Nick's here! Yaus!"
Slops:
Me. Seriously - my farts were so potent that I was a little embarrassed during play. And it's not even like they gave me an edge, so much as a headache.
Albany who sin't Shane or Sims, for being gay and not coming.
Bryant. "I'm gonna win a mox - I mean 1-3 drop."
Eastern MA players (see, I can't spell the name of your state so I left it up to interpertation)(Do you ever get smothered by all those consonants?). It's like a half hour ride from wherever you live (I'm in Edinger-talking-about-European-geography mode, so don't argue with me. You live a half hour from the tournament site).
Brendan - I even brought the Beta Verduran Enchantress for you to sign. You broke both our hearts.
Wallace, for leaving his deck at home (and bring a half-proxied type 2 deck instead).
If I spelled anything wrong or didn't accurately recount our match, tough titties - it's freaking late, and I'ma go to bed.
Edit: The props/slops were way shorter than I'd planned. Sucks to be you guys.