spirit of the wretch
09-22-2009, 06:31 AM
So yeah, as the PR specialist of our team (Clemens “Der_imaginäre_Freund” Wolff) decided to set sails and raid distant shores (http://www.mtgthesource.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13976) (very distant in his case indeed), someone had to step up and tell our epic tales, to those less fortunate. But as we’re a bunch of lazy drunkards, this proofed to be a difficult task. Luckily, my Diplomarbeit (basically the German equivalent to a master thesis) has to be finished in 10 days, so this is the perfect opportunity for me to procrastinate a little =)
So kids, this is the tale of how I played the monthly Hassloch tourney awesome I am and why basically everybody else sucks!
And as this is a topic that has to be discussed detailed, let’s start at the third round of Ovinogeddon 4 a week ago (you might have read about our quest to demolish as much beer as humanly possible (http://www.mtgthesource.com/forums/showthread.php?t=14878)). I was up 2/0/0 playing Goyf Sligh, when I faced some deck that could best be described as completely weird. It beat my Goyfs, Nacatls and burn with Stifles, Terminate and Faeries… I was pretty amazed! As they say “talent imitates, genius steals”, so I netdecked the list and decided to give it a shot.
Fast forward to last saturday that was, as you sure were all aware, “Talk-like-a-pirate”-day, so we honoured our roots the only way we’ve ever learned: Excessive alcohol abuse! Next day arrives too soon and I pack my stuff to drive to Hassloch, when at 10 AM Manuel and Harald rings at my door, the latter smelling like a burnt down brewery. Not having slept at all and still being way drunk, Harald already is in full pirate-mode. We pick up Martin, the newest addition to our team, straight from a party and head for the tourney. There are 51 nerds present so we’d be battling six rounds.
Here’s what our crew was wielding as weapons of choice
Manuel “DerHeiler” Heiler: GB-Rock
Daniel “Adan” Scherer: Ichorid
Martin "MSC" Schreiber: Grow /w
Harald “Locutus” Herrlich: Pandaburst
Stefan "spirit of the wretch" Czolk: Tempo Faeries
Decklist time
[SPOD] Rotfront
Mainboard:
4 Polluted Delta
3 Bloodstained Mire
1 Swamp
1 Island
4 Wasteland
3 Underground Sea
3 Volcanic Island
1 Badlands
4 Tombstalker
4 Spellstutter Sprite
4 Bitterblossom
4 Terminate
1 Umezawa’s Jitte
3 Fire / Ice
4 Stifle
4 Daze
4 Force of Will
4 Ponder
4 Brainstorm
# 60
Sideboard:
3 Pyroblast
3 Hydroblast
4 Engineered Plague
2 Engineered Explosives
3 Relic of Progenitus
# 15
We start drinking beer, trashtalk the usual nerds and soon enough the tourney pillaging starts.
Round 1: Harald with Fiery Panda Burst
Nice, finally a chance to face one of my team mates! Just what I came here for… [/waving the “sarcasm”-sign]. At least it’s always great fun to play Harald. We drink beer, trashtalk ourselves and the four tables next to ours and sling some cards. Because I’m the good player I am, I have the 1-off Jitte to go with my mighty Spellslutter Sprite and take the first game. Obviously that Fae races all the Blastoderms or Lumbering Satyrs he tries to throw at me.
The second game, I throw away by unnecessarily fetching duals despite my knowledge of his post board Price of Progresses, I let Harald win to lure him into a false sense of security. God, I’m so sneaky!
Third game some armed tokens take it home for me. In other words: Yeah, I’m really good at drawing this legendary Equipment!
I’d love to tell you more about this match, but in all honesty , I was way too focused on the whole drinking and trashtalking part to pay real attention to the games. I mean, who are we kidding, we’re certainly not here for Legacy…
//random insertion:
Bitterblossom really gets a lot better, if there’s a Pandemonium on the table!
1/0/0, 2-1
Round 2: Harald with Bant Aggro
Yep, another Karlsruhe regular... He top8ed the Vintage tourney at Ovino4. Congratulations again!
First game I keep the one Fetchland hand and he starts with Tundra, go. I play and crack the land and get the deserved Stifle… Same old, take your head, nod it slightly and then ram it into the next brick wall with full force! How often does this need to happen, till I finally learn it?!? I force, he Dazes (adding insult to injury), I force and he forces back. I topdeck a Wasteland to send us both down to no board. We play Suck-Go for a while, until he finds some mana sources. I don’t.
Game two I win somehow… not even close. Can’t remember though. Yeah, I really didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to the games. I mean there still was this beer in front of me that demanded my full concentration.
Game three he keeps a one-lander so I brilliantly put him on Stifle and don’t crack the fetch I play. Did I already mention, that I’m THAT good? He doesn’t drop a second land and I waste his. He obviously has the Stifle, but I fetch for Volcanic and pyroblast it. Yay for humiliation =) For the next few turns Harald tries to develop his mana, while I start shitting faerie tokens all over the board from two Blossoms. He tries to Race me with a Goyf and gets so desperate, that he has to start swording my tokens *insert manical laughter here*. I clear the non-token part of the board with an Explosives and Harald proceeds to succumb to the irresistible force that is yours truly.
2/0/0, 4-2
Round 3: Tobias with Hive Mind Combo
Yeah, this is Legacy in a nutshell: It’s your 50+ person tournament, you’re up 2/0/0, playing on table one against … wait for it… Hive Mind Combo! Go Ahead, look it up. No, I won’t link it for you, you lazy bastard!
In every epic tale, there’s an episode where the hero scruffy pirate faces an unknown enemy, gathers new information and insights and after a leap in his personal development, defeats the villain. This isn’t that story! This is the story of how Stifle and Wasteland completely wreck Academy Rector and weird mana bases… oh and of course of how I outplay the shit out of my opponent! Pretty good story though.
3/0/0, 6-2
Round 4: Denny with Bant Survival
*knock, knock*
“Who’s there?”
…
…..
ASSRAPE!
Game one was a pretty hard fought battle, won on the back of landdestruction, obscenely huge demons and mindblowingly stellar decision-making on my part. Game two is where it gets interesting (as in: my awesomeness really breaks through!).
We trade blows back and forth, I myself mostly on the receiving end and soon enough the board is a Quasali Mage and a Goyf and no card in hand for him and three cards in hand for me. I brainstorm end of turn into [god mode] double Terminate and Fetchland. Sweet! On my turn I slaughter his two critters and say go, the last card in my hand being a Spellslutter Sprite. He draws and passes. I draw and look in the face of one furious demon. Sweeeeeet! I cast the big guy and he tries to sword it end of turn, obviously enabling my faery to run rampant. He draws and passes again and I topdeck another Sprite. On his last turn he topdecks, plays Brainstorm, only to walk it straight into that second Faerie! [/god mode] And the crowd goes mad. Fuck me, I’m such a strategic mastermind.
Props to my opponent for taking the beating like a man. No whining, ne bitching, no complaining. True sportsman!
4/0/0, 8-2
Round 5: Jens with Planeswalker.dec
Game one we fight back and forth until I make a subtle but critical mistake: I have a Blossom and 5 tokens, he’s at 14. He casts an Ajani Vengeant and tries to fry my face (I’m at 6). I have the Stifle. During my next attack step I decide to hit him with 4 of my tokens and finish the planeswalker off with the last non-sick one. Typical highlander behavior: You see a planeswalker, you kill it! No questions asked. Now, the 1.000.000€ “treasure chest full of gold”-question is: “why is this a bad pay?” If you know the answer, well good for you…
On his last turn he topdecks another Ajani and fries me for exactly lethal.
Game two is a struggle of epic proportions. It involved, amongst other things, a Great Sable Stack, which is quite god against faeries, I hear. Unfortunately for the dear deer (you see, what I did there, Jesus, I’m such a wordsmith), it’s not so hot against Umezawa’s Weapon Of Mass Destruction. Now imagine the following situation, if you will: Your holding a Quasali cat and have three lands in play, one of which is a Fetchland and you’re desperately trying to get rid of a marauding Umezawa’s Club Of Fiery Hell with two counters of DOOM, what do you do, go. My opponent decides to play the cat and THEN fetch a land. This of course allows me to introduce the little fur ball to Umezawa’s Stick Of Anal Bleeding. Yeah, I do know all the tricks in the book!
Game three he burns my face with Helixes, I burn my face with Blossoms and somehow I lose. Meh, I’d rather continue telling you how awesome I am!
4/1/0, 9-4
Round 6: Fabian with Aggro Loam
Fabian is one of the best non-pirate players in Hassloch and so I strategically decide to draw myself into the price ranks I have pity for all those lesser players crashing and burning in the face of my inevitable triumph. So an ID it is.
We play it out for fun and I completely massacre him on the back of multiple Stifles, demons and mean faerie advantage. And sheer playskill, of course! This wasn’t even close, it was just brutal and merciless awesomeness reigning supreme.
4/1/1, 9-4
So in the end I finish fourth with the best Oppscore of those with 13 points and loot two Flooded Strand for my troubles.
Team standings after six rounds of raiding and burning:
Manuel “DerHeiler” Heiler: 3/2/1
Daniel “Adan” Scherer: 4/1/1 and 7th
Martin "MSC" Schreiber: 3/3/0
Harald “Locutus” Herrlich: 1/4/1 and “lack-of-alcohol”-suck
Stefan "spirit of the wretch" Czolk: 4/1/1 and 4th
More information (http://www.mtgthesource.com/forums/showpost.php?p=384732&postcount=802)
The obligatory
Props:
kikkofrio for creating a truly fun and powerful deck. Mad props!
Harrald for suicide alcohol consumption
Manuel for driving
Martin for the cards
Me for simply being overwhelmingly awesome
My opponents for being good sports
The organization for being great, as usual
BEER
Slops:
Me for not playing the last round… Memo to myself: Believe in the awesomeness
Soldiers for overpowering my faeries
Great Sable Stack! Seriously, what the flying fuck…
So kids, this is the tale of how I played the monthly Hassloch tourney awesome I am and why basically everybody else sucks!
And as this is a topic that has to be discussed detailed, let’s start at the third round of Ovinogeddon 4 a week ago (you might have read about our quest to demolish as much beer as humanly possible (http://www.mtgthesource.com/forums/showthread.php?t=14878)). I was up 2/0/0 playing Goyf Sligh, when I faced some deck that could best be described as completely weird. It beat my Goyfs, Nacatls and burn with Stifles, Terminate and Faeries… I was pretty amazed! As they say “talent imitates, genius steals”, so I netdecked the list and decided to give it a shot.
Fast forward to last saturday that was, as you sure were all aware, “Talk-like-a-pirate”-day, so we honoured our roots the only way we’ve ever learned: Excessive alcohol abuse! Next day arrives too soon and I pack my stuff to drive to Hassloch, when at 10 AM Manuel and Harald rings at my door, the latter smelling like a burnt down brewery. Not having slept at all and still being way drunk, Harald already is in full pirate-mode. We pick up Martin, the newest addition to our team, straight from a party and head for the tourney. There are 51 nerds present so we’d be battling six rounds.
Here’s what our crew was wielding as weapons of choice
Manuel “DerHeiler” Heiler: GB-Rock
Daniel “Adan” Scherer: Ichorid
Martin "MSC" Schreiber: Grow /w
Harald “Locutus” Herrlich: Pandaburst
Stefan "spirit of the wretch" Czolk: Tempo Faeries
Decklist time
[SPOD] Rotfront
Mainboard:
4 Polluted Delta
3 Bloodstained Mire
1 Swamp
1 Island
4 Wasteland
3 Underground Sea
3 Volcanic Island
1 Badlands
4 Tombstalker
4 Spellstutter Sprite
4 Bitterblossom
4 Terminate
1 Umezawa’s Jitte
3 Fire / Ice
4 Stifle
4 Daze
4 Force of Will
4 Ponder
4 Brainstorm
# 60
Sideboard:
3 Pyroblast
3 Hydroblast
4 Engineered Plague
2 Engineered Explosives
3 Relic of Progenitus
# 15
We start drinking beer, trashtalk the usual nerds and soon enough the tourney pillaging starts.
Round 1: Harald with Fiery Panda Burst
Nice, finally a chance to face one of my team mates! Just what I came here for… [/waving the “sarcasm”-sign]. At least it’s always great fun to play Harald. We drink beer, trashtalk ourselves and the four tables next to ours and sling some cards. Because I’m the good player I am, I have the 1-off Jitte to go with my mighty Spellslutter Sprite and take the first game. Obviously that Fae races all the Blastoderms or Lumbering Satyrs he tries to throw at me.
The second game, I throw away by unnecessarily fetching duals despite my knowledge of his post board Price of Progresses, I let Harald win to lure him into a false sense of security. God, I’m so sneaky!
Third game some armed tokens take it home for me. In other words: Yeah, I’m really good at drawing this legendary Equipment!
I’d love to tell you more about this match, but in all honesty , I was way too focused on the whole drinking and trashtalking part to pay real attention to the games. I mean, who are we kidding, we’re certainly not here for Legacy…
//random insertion:
Bitterblossom really gets a lot better, if there’s a Pandemonium on the table!
1/0/0, 2-1
Round 2: Harald with Bant Aggro
Yep, another Karlsruhe regular... He top8ed the Vintage tourney at Ovino4. Congratulations again!
First game I keep the one Fetchland hand and he starts with Tundra, go. I play and crack the land and get the deserved Stifle… Same old, take your head, nod it slightly and then ram it into the next brick wall with full force! How often does this need to happen, till I finally learn it?!? I force, he Dazes (adding insult to injury), I force and he forces back. I topdeck a Wasteland to send us both down to no board. We play Suck-Go for a while, until he finds some mana sources. I don’t.
Game two I win somehow… not even close. Can’t remember though. Yeah, I really didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to the games. I mean there still was this beer in front of me that demanded my full concentration.
Game three he keeps a one-lander so I brilliantly put him on Stifle and don’t crack the fetch I play. Did I already mention, that I’m THAT good? He doesn’t drop a second land and I waste his. He obviously has the Stifle, but I fetch for Volcanic and pyroblast it. Yay for humiliation =) For the next few turns Harald tries to develop his mana, while I start shitting faerie tokens all over the board from two Blossoms. He tries to Race me with a Goyf and gets so desperate, that he has to start swording my tokens *insert manical laughter here*. I clear the non-token part of the board with an Explosives and Harald proceeds to succumb to the irresistible force that is yours truly.
2/0/0, 4-2
Round 3: Tobias with Hive Mind Combo
Yeah, this is Legacy in a nutshell: It’s your 50+ person tournament, you’re up 2/0/0, playing on table one against … wait for it… Hive Mind Combo! Go Ahead, look it up. No, I won’t link it for you, you lazy bastard!
In every epic tale, there’s an episode where the hero scruffy pirate faces an unknown enemy, gathers new information and insights and after a leap in his personal development, defeats the villain. This isn’t that story! This is the story of how Stifle and Wasteland completely wreck Academy Rector and weird mana bases… oh and of course of how I outplay the shit out of my opponent! Pretty good story though.
3/0/0, 6-2
Round 4: Denny with Bant Survival
*knock, knock*
“Who’s there?”
…
…..
ASSRAPE!
Game one was a pretty hard fought battle, won on the back of landdestruction, obscenely huge demons and mindblowingly stellar decision-making on my part. Game two is where it gets interesting (as in: my awesomeness really breaks through!).
We trade blows back and forth, I myself mostly on the receiving end and soon enough the board is a Quasali Mage and a Goyf and no card in hand for him and three cards in hand for me. I brainstorm end of turn into [god mode] double Terminate and Fetchland. Sweet! On my turn I slaughter his two critters and say go, the last card in my hand being a Spellslutter Sprite. He draws and passes. I draw and look in the face of one furious demon. Sweeeeeet! I cast the big guy and he tries to sword it end of turn, obviously enabling my faery to run rampant. He draws and passes again and I topdeck another Sprite. On his last turn he topdecks, plays Brainstorm, only to walk it straight into that second Faerie! [/god mode] And the crowd goes mad. Fuck me, I’m such a strategic mastermind.
Props to my opponent for taking the beating like a man. No whining, ne bitching, no complaining. True sportsman!
4/0/0, 8-2
Round 5: Jens with Planeswalker.dec
Game one we fight back and forth until I make a subtle but critical mistake: I have a Blossom and 5 tokens, he’s at 14. He casts an Ajani Vengeant and tries to fry my face (I’m at 6). I have the Stifle. During my next attack step I decide to hit him with 4 of my tokens and finish the planeswalker off with the last non-sick one. Typical highlander behavior: You see a planeswalker, you kill it! No questions asked. Now, the 1.000.000€ “treasure chest full of gold”-question is: “why is this a bad pay?” If you know the answer, well good for you…
On his last turn he topdecks another Ajani and fries me for exactly lethal.
Game two is a struggle of epic proportions. It involved, amongst other things, a Great Sable Stack, which is quite god against faeries, I hear. Unfortunately for the dear deer (you see, what I did there, Jesus, I’m such a wordsmith), it’s not so hot against Umezawa’s Weapon Of Mass Destruction. Now imagine the following situation, if you will: Your holding a Quasali cat and have three lands in play, one of which is a Fetchland and you’re desperately trying to get rid of a marauding Umezawa’s Club Of Fiery Hell with two counters of DOOM, what do you do, go. My opponent decides to play the cat and THEN fetch a land. This of course allows me to introduce the little fur ball to Umezawa’s Stick Of Anal Bleeding. Yeah, I do know all the tricks in the book!
Game three he burns my face with Helixes, I burn my face with Blossoms and somehow I lose. Meh, I’d rather continue telling you how awesome I am!
4/1/0, 9-4
Round 6: Fabian with Aggro Loam
Fabian is one of the best non-pirate players in Hassloch and so I strategically decide to draw myself into the price ranks I have pity for all those lesser players crashing and burning in the face of my inevitable triumph. So an ID it is.
We play it out for fun and I completely massacre him on the back of multiple Stifles, demons and mean faerie advantage. And sheer playskill, of course! This wasn’t even close, it was just brutal and merciless awesomeness reigning supreme.
4/1/1, 9-4
So in the end I finish fourth with the best Oppscore of those with 13 points and loot two Flooded Strand for my troubles.
Team standings after six rounds of raiding and burning:
Manuel “DerHeiler” Heiler: 3/2/1
Daniel “Adan” Scherer: 4/1/1 and 7th
Martin "MSC" Schreiber: 3/3/0
Harald “Locutus” Herrlich: 1/4/1 and “lack-of-alcohol”-suck
Stefan "spirit of the wretch" Czolk: 4/1/1 and 4th
More information (http://www.mtgthesource.com/forums/showpost.php?p=384732&postcount=802)
The obligatory
Props:
kikkofrio for creating a truly fun and powerful deck. Mad props!
Harrald for suicide alcohol consumption
Manuel for driving
Martin for the cards
Me for simply being overwhelmingly awesome
My opponents for being good sports
The organization for being great, as usual
BEER
Slops:
Me for not playing the last round… Memo to myself: Believe in the awesomeness
Soldiers for overpowering my faeries
Great Sable Stack! Seriously, what the flying fuck…