Deep6er
09-05-2006, 06:53 PM
So anyway, after playtesting a deck for the last month, I decide to not take it. I decide that I'm more comfortable with Solidarity (at this point, Anwar will call me on it for wussing out) and just decide to run with it.
Round 1- Brandon playing Iggy Pop
Game 1- I win the die roll and keep a solid opening hand, leading Flooded Strand. I pass the turn into him playing Polluted Delta. At the end of my turn (where I play my second land) he cracks his Delta and I respond with cracking my fetch (the start of many such "safe cracks"), anyway, he finds Underground Sea then plays MYSTICAL FUCKING TUTOR. I think for awhile and say "sure." He looks for INFERNAL FUCKING TUTOR and I almost shit myself. He looks up at me and I have this big shit-eating grin on my face. He then proceeds to draw the Infernal Tutor for his turn, play Lotus Petal and try to go off. I don't ACTUALLY have the force but I do have an Impulse. I think for awhile and Impulse in response. I look at the top four one at a time all calm like and notice that the first three are fucking terrible. So, I take the top (fourth) card of my deck, place it face down on the table, spin it twice, then look at it. FORCE OF MOTHERFUCKING WILL BITCHES. I look up at him with the same shit-eating grin and say "I guess I'll take this one." Force his Infernal Tutor and he doesn't do anything for the rest of that game. I finally go off when I have ten lands and MIGHT have to discard for my turn.
Game 2- He keeps his seven card hand while I go to six. After I decide to keep, he drops Leyline of the Void. I look at him quizzically and say "sure." He then proceeds to say "Go." not "Delta Go", or "Swamp Go", not even "Island Go", it's just Go. Goddamn, I'm going to hell. Anyway, he proceeds to not play anything for the next three turns while I draw lots of cards. When he attempts to do something I Force it, then go off with like six islands in play or something ridiculous like that.
SHOTGUN GOING TO HELL!
Round 2- Paul Lynch playing UGW Threshold
We talked a little bit before the event as we see each other all the time at events. He said he was coming in to this event with like an hour and a half of sleep tops. He had issues with hotels and also issues with the drive. I sympathize with him and I tell him hopefully his matches won't be too stressful.
Game 1- He apparently fucked up multiple times this game in addition to his obvious one of naming Windswept Heath on a Predict and flipping Flooded Strand. Frowntown, population you, bro. Anyway, I combo off after I peek at his shitty as fuck hand and lethal damage isn't even on the table.
Game 2- He fucks up again and only sees one Mage. I Force it and he can't apply any pressure or find countermagic. His draws were fucking terrible.
Round 3- Ashok playing 'Shok style Reanimator
Game 1- DEAR JESUS, WHAT AN ASSRAPING. He mulls to six and my seven is reasonably solid. He goes first turn Underground Sea, followed by Careful Study pitching two Spirit of the Nights. I find this to be kind of dangerous but think that I might have a turn to deal with it. He then drops Chrome Mox imprinting Buried Alive at which point I start to get a little nervous. He then plays Reanimate targeting a Spirit of the Night. I respond by Forcing it (leaving him with one card in hand) and hoping to God that I bought myself some fucking time. Next turn I drop my land, pass and cross my fingers. He draws for his turn, plays Exhume and I Brainstorm in response. Frowntown, population me. He brings back Spirit of the Night and one of my lands is a fetchland (which will put me to 18) and I can't find an answer in time.
Game 2- He boards in 10 cards and I board in one. Bad ratio. I'm on the play and keep what I think is a reasonable hand of 2 Remand, 1 Turnabout, and four lands. I will admit that I saw Hymn to Tourach being boarded in (You should probably look into that if you read this man). Anyway, I drop an Island and pass the turn and he plays turn one Dark Ritual into Phyrexian Negator. Goddamn I hate Frowntown (and the fact that I seem to be the one going there this round). He then plays some of the discard spells he brought in while I proceed to draw nothing but land. Goddammit.
Round 4- Justin playing U/W/b/r/g Fish
Game 1- He plays SCRUBLAND, AETHER VIAL. Seriously, this is the point where I'm convinced he's a massive scrub and I'll win easily. I play my land and pass. He ups the Vial, plays Wasteland and passes. I Opt at the end of his turn, play my land (on my turn) and pass. He ups the Vial to two, doesn't play his land, and passes. At the end of his turn I play Brainstorm then crack my fetch, in response, he activates Vial and drops in Meddling Mage, I reply with "Goddammit" and he says "Wish". I think for a little longer and am now convinced that this guy sucks at Magic. Jokes on me I guess. Anyway, I say "sure" and proceed to drop another land and pass. He keeps the Vial at two, misses his land drop, beats for two, and passes. At the end of his turn, I play some more draw spells and he responds by activating Vial and dropping in TRUE GODDAMN BELIEVER. ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL? SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT? All those things pass through my mind instantaneously. Goddammit. I'm going to lose to the guy that I thought was Random Noob Scrub. Anyway, I play a little longer to see if the guy is any good at Magic (like him possibly Vindicating one of my lands so I could Twincast it back at his Mage). The guy never plays another spell and just beats for four every turn.
Game 2- I board in bounce and he boards in ELEVEN CARDS. Frowntown. Anyway, I drop my land and pass. He drops Weathered Wayfarer and passes. I do some drawing and some land playing and some passing. He drops Mage. What a ***. I Force and drop a land. He activates Wayfarer on his turn and drops ANOTHER GODDAMN MAGE. I Remand. I have to Brainstorm to hit my fourth land. While the Brainstorm is in the process of resolving, I have a hand of High Tide, Reset, Reset, Impulse, Force of Will, Island, Turnabout. I think for a damn long time and come to the (mistaken) conclusion that I should attempt to go off when he drops the Mage again next turn. I put Force, Turnabout back on top, drop my land and pass. He drops the Mage again. I respond with High Tide, Impulse into Cunning wish for Meditate. I draw straight gas. High Tide, Reset, Turnabout, Meditate. I Meditate again into Island, Island, Island, Peek. Frowntown. I Peek, into Peek, into Opt. I see Island, (put that one on the bottom) into Turnabout. Goddammit. I think for awhile and let the Mage resolve. He names Wish again and for his next two turns plays dudes and gets me to one. I fucking quit when I draw Twincast. Goddammit.
I decide to stay in because I did the math and discovered that "theoretically" one 5-2 will make it in, barring weird draws or drops. Unfortunately, there were going to be four of those "weird" things happening that day. Goddammit to hell. Also, he was only playing those colors for Engineered Explosives.
Round 5- ROLAND FUCKING CHANG, THE WORLD GODDAMN CHAMPION
So anyway, Roland Chang. Seems like an OK guy. I ask him if he's tested this matchup and he says that he feels pretty comfortable with it. I get the same shit-eating grin because I know that he's going to have a quick and brutal lesson in "How to Play Solidarity."
Game 1- His draws were mediocre and I beat the ever loving shit out of him. He tries to counter things and I show him what I mean when I say "Domination of the Stack."
Game 2- I board in bounce and he boards in like seven or eight cards. He drops an early Chalice, which I Remand, which he Forces. I respond with being incredibly confused. Not a terribly good response. Anyway, that game continues with me getting some incredibly shitty draws and him getting marginally better draws. I lose when he resolves Chalice for two and Arcane Lab. Frowntown.
Game 3- Fast Forward to him having Chalice for one and two in play (but no threats). He then drops Arrogant Wurm and then drops another one. I Wish for REBUILD (MOTHERFUCKERS!) and proceed to Rebuild at the end of the next turn, and then just to add insult to injury, I Echoing Truth both of his Wurms. Man, Shotgun going to Hell. :)
Round 6- Jesse Robinson R/W Goblins with MD Fireblast, Bolt, PoP
Game 1- He learns that I'm the one who invented Solidarity (Fuck you Mike Herbig, and Bryant Cook and all the other shitheads who say otherwise) and visibly deflates. God, I'm so fucking awesome. Anyway, he gets kind of mana fucked this game and I Forced his Lackey. He gets a pretty quick lesson of pain when I go off because I think it's funny.
Game 2- This game was bad. I Hydroblast his first Lackey but am having issues getting land. I drew 3 Hydroblasts but not enough land. Frowntown.
Game 3- He keeps a slow seven card hand and I show him how incredibly awesome Remand is. Man, I'm so fucking awesome.
Round 7- James playing Threshold?
Game 1- He seems to get mana screwed off of Island and GEMSTONE MINE? Discarding Crucible of Worlds? Also, he played two Accumulated Knowledges and one Nimble Mongoose. I beat the ever loving shit out of him.
Game 2- He gets lands and manages to drop both Nimble Mongoose and Werebear. He can't seem to get to Threshold though. :). I get him to Threshold real quick. God, I'm so awesome.
I end 5-2 in 12th with Brian Diefendorf (Ewokslayer) ending 22nd, and Mike Herbig (Herbig) ending at 32nd. That's three in the top32. That's not terrible. I do, however, prove that I'm the best. Seriously.
Also, Jander WAS ri-goddamn-donk-ulously tired. I saw him wondering around asking for brains, drinking from the used toiled and dry humping the wall. Seriously.
Now, I don't do this terribly often, but here goes.
Props
-Me, for being awesome
-My opponents, for giving me byes
-Iggy Pop, for existing
-Solidarity being fucking amazing
-Ray for running an awesome event
Slops
-Me, for not being awesome enough
-Lego Army Man, for not listening to me
-My opponents (that beat me)
-Herbig, for being retarded
-Team Unicorn and all of their honorary members, seriously, count me out of your ridiculous gay orgies
-60 FUCKING DOLLARS IN TOLLS
-The Tab button for not being easier to push than the Enter button
-Dave Price for not knowing what it means when somebody does the math
Round 1- Brandon playing Iggy Pop
Game 1- I win the die roll and keep a solid opening hand, leading Flooded Strand. I pass the turn into him playing Polluted Delta. At the end of my turn (where I play my second land) he cracks his Delta and I respond with cracking my fetch (the start of many such "safe cracks"), anyway, he finds Underground Sea then plays MYSTICAL FUCKING TUTOR. I think for awhile and say "sure." He looks for INFERNAL FUCKING TUTOR and I almost shit myself. He looks up at me and I have this big shit-eating grin on my face. He then proceeds to draw the Infernal Tutor for his turn, play Lotus Petal and try to go off. I don't ACTUALLY have the force but I do have an Impulse. I think for awhile and Impulse in response. I look at the top four one at a time all calm like and notice that the first three are fucking terrible. So, I take the top (fourth) card of my deck, place it face down on the table, spin it twice, then look at it. FORCE OF MOTHERFUCKING WILL BITCHES. I look up at him with the same shit-eating grin and say "I guess I'll take this one." Force his Infernal Tutor and he doesn't do anything for the rest of that game. I finally go off when I have ten lands and MIGHT have to discard for my turn.
Game 2- He keeps his seven card hand while I go to six. After I decide to keep, he drops Leyline of the Void. I look at him quizzically and say "sure." He then proceeds to say "Go." not "Delta Go", or "Swamp Go", not even "Island Go", it's just Go. Goddamn, I'm going to hell. Anyway, he proceeds to not play anything for the next three turns while I draw lots of cards. When he attempts to do something I Force it, then go off with like six islands in play or something ridiculous like that.
SHOTGUN GOING TO HELL!
Round 2- Paul Lynch playing UGW Threshold
We talked a little bit before the event as we see each other all the time at events. He said he was coming in to this event with like an hour and a half of sleep tops. He had issues with hotels and also issues with the drive. I sympathize with him and I tell him hopefully his matches won't be too stressful.
Game 1- He apparently fucked up multiple times this game in addition to his obvious one of naming Windswept Heath on a Predict and flipping Flooded Strand. Frowntown, population you, bro. Anyway, I combo off after I peek at his shitty as fuck hand and lethal damage isn't even on the table.
Game 2- He fucks up again and only sees one Mage. I Force it and he can't apply any pressure or find countermagic. His draws were fucking terrible.
Round 3- Ashok playing 'Shok style Reanimator
Game 1- DEAR JESUS, WHAT AN ASSRAPING. He mulls to six and my seven is reasonably solid. He goes first turn Underground Sea, followed by Careful Study pitching two Spirit of the Nights. I find this to be kind of dangerous but think that I might have a turn to deal with it. He then drops Chrome Mox imprinting Buried Alive at which point I start to get a little nervous. He then plays Reanimate targeting a Spirit of the Night. I respond by Forcing it (leaving him with one card in hand) and hoping to God that I bought myself some fucking time. Next turn I drop my land, pass and cross my fingers. He draws for his turn, plays Exhume and I Brainstorm in response. Frowntown, population me. He brings back Spirit of the Night and one of my lands is a fetchland (which will put me to 18) and I can't find an answer in time.
Game 2- He boards in 10 cards and I board in one. Bad ratio. I'm on the play and keep what I think is a reasonable hand of 2 Remand, 1 Turnabout, and four lands. I will admit that I saw Hymn to Tourach being boarded in (You should probably look into that if you read this man). Anyway, I drop an Island and pass the turn and he plays turn one Dark Ritual into Phyrexian Negator. Goddamn I hate Frowntown (and the fact that I seem to be the one going there this round). He then plays some of the discard spells he brought in while I proceed to draw nothing but land. Goddammit.
Round 4- Justin playing U/W/b/r/g Fish
Game 1- He plays SCRUBLAND, AETHER VIAL. Seriously, this is the point where I'm convinced he's a massive scrub and I'll win easily. I play my land and pass. He ups the Vial, plays Wasteland and passes. I Opt at the end of his turn, play my land (on my turn) and pass. He ups the Vial to two, doesn't play his land, and passes. At the end of his turn I play Brainstorm then crack my fetch, in response, he activates Vial and drops in Meddling Mage, I reply with "Goddammit" and he says "Wish". I think for a little longer and am now convinced that this guy sucks at Magic. Jokes on me I guess. Anyway, I say "sure" and proceed to drop another land and pass. He keeps the Vial at two, misses his land drop, beats for two, and passes. At the end of his turn, I play some more draw spells and he responds by activating Vial and dropping in TRUE GODDAMN BELIEVER. ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL? SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT? All those things pass through my mind instantaneously. Goddammit. I'm going to lose to the guy that I thought was Random Noob Scrub. Anyway, I play a little longer to see if the guy is any good at Magic (like him possibly Vindicating one of my lands so I could Twincast it back at his Mage). The guy never plays another spell and just beats for four every turn.
Game 2- I board in bounce and he boards in ELEVEN CARDS. Frowntown. Anyway, I drop my land and pass. He drops Weathered Wayfarer and passes. I do some drawing and some land playing and some passing. He drops Mage. What a ***. I Force and drop a land. He activates Wayfarer on his turn and drops ANOTHER GODDAMN MAGE. I Remand. I have to Brainstorm to hit my fourth land. While the Brainstorm is in the process of resolving, I have a hand of High Tide, Reset, Reset, Impulse, Force of Will, Island, Turnabout. I think for a damn long time and come to the (mistaken) conclusion that I should attempt to go off when he drops the Mage again next turn. I put Force, Turnabout back on top, drop my land and pass. He drops the Mage again. I respond with High Tide, Impulse into Cunning wish for Meditate. I draw straight gas. High Tide, Reset, Turnabout, Meditate. I Meditate again into Island, Island, Island, Peek. Frowntown. I Peek, into Peek, into Opt. I see Island, (put that one on the bottom) into Turnabout. Goddammit. I think for awhile and let the Mage resolve. He names Wish again and for his next two turns plays dudes and gets me to one. I fucking quit when I draw Twincast. Goddammit.
I decide to stay in because I did the math and discovered that "theoretically" one 5-2 will make it in, barring weird draws or drops. Unfortunately, there were going to be four of those "weird" things happening that day. Goddammit to hell. Also, he was only playing those colors for Engineered Explosives.
Round 5- ROLAND FUCKING CHANG, THE WORLD GODDAMN CHAMPION
So anyway, Roland Chang. Seems like an OK guy. I ask him if he's tested this matchup and he says that he feels pretty comfortable with it. I get the same shit-eating grin because I know that he's going to have a quick and brutal lesson in "How to Play Solidarity."
Game 1- His draws were mediocre and I beat the ever loving shit out of him. He tries to counter things and I show him what I mean when I say "Domination of the Stack."
Game 2- I board in bounce and he boards in like seven or eight cards. He drops an early Chalice, which I Remand, which he Forces. I respond with being incredibly confused. Not a terribly good response. Anyway, that game continues with me getting some incredibly shitty draws and him getting marginally better draws. I lose when he resolves Chalice for two and Arcane Lab. Frowntown.
Game 3- Fast Forward to him having Chalice for one and two in play (but no threats). He then drops Arrogant Wurm and then drops another one. I Wish for REBUILD (MOTHERFUCKERS!) and proceed to Rebuild at the end of the next turn, and then just to add insult to injury, I Echoing Truth both of his Wurms. Man, Shotgun going to Hell. :)
Round 6- Jesse Robinson R/W Goblins with MD Fireblast, Bolt, PoP
Game 1- He learns that I'm the one who invented Solidarity (Fuck you Mike Herbig, and Bryant Cook and all the other shitheads who say otherwise) and visibly deflates. God, I'm so fucking awesome. Anyway, he gets kind of mana fucked this game and I Forced his Lackey. He gets a pretty quick lesson of pain when I go off because I think it's funny.
Game 2- This game was bad. I Hydroblast his first Lackey but am having issues getting land. I drew 3 Hydroblasts but not enough land. Frowntown.
Game 3- He keeps a slow seven card hand and I show him how incredibly awesome Remand is. Man, I'm so fucking awesome.
Round 7- James playing Threshold?
Game 1- He seems to get mana screwed off of Island and GEMSTONE MINE? Discarding Crucible of Worlds? Also, he played two Accumulated Knowledges and one Nimble Mongoose. I beat the ever loving shit out of him.
Game 2- He gets lands and manages to drop both Nimble Mongoose and Werebear. He can't seem to get to Threshold though. :). I get him to Threshold real quick. God, I'm so awesome.
I end 5-2 in 12th with Brian Diefendorf (Ewokslayer) ending 22nd, and Mike Herbig (Herbig) ending at 32nd. That's three in the top32. That's not terrible. I do, however, prove that I'm the best. Seriously.
Also, Jander WAS ri-goddamn-donk-ulously tired. I saw him wondering around asking for brains, drinking from the used toiled and dry humping the wall. Seriously.
Now, I don't do this terribly often, but here goes.
Props
-Me, for being awesome
-My opponents, for giving me byes
-Iggy Pop, for existing
-Solidarity being fucking amazing
-Ray for running an awesome event
Slops
-Me, for not being awesome enough
-Lego Army Man, for not listening to me
-My opponents (that beat me)
-Herbig, for being retarded
-Team Unicorn and all of their honorary members, seriously, count me out of your ridiculous gay orgies
-60 FUCKING DOLLARS IN TOLLS
-The Tab button for not being easier to push than the Enter button
-Dave Price for not knowing what it means when somebody does the math