PDA

View Full Version : [Report] The Unicorn That Could: Somthing Nipples This Way Cometh



Mr. Nipples
10-11-2006, 06:13 AM
Prologue:
Things started out kind of lame because I had to wake up early to take a quiz on the day we were scheduled to head out. After the quiz I headed back home for bit so I could eat, get directions, and pack all of my stuff. 4pm rolled around, and I decided that it was time to go meet the people that I was taking with me. This is when the deep, dark spiral of lame decided to engulf our pathetic attempts at painless travel. I get to the Lucky Frog and I find both My Name Is Scott and Canook waiting for me there. However, we are still missing Overlord95, and he is neglecting to answer his phone despite numerous attempts to call him................fucking lame! We decide to give him about 30 minutes to get in contact with us before we skip town on his ass. Eventually we decide that it would be wise to go and drop off Canooks car at his house while we wait for Overlord95 to call us, so we head out to do exactly that. Lameness leads to lameness, and we hit a shitload of traffic. However, on our way to Canooks place we do get a call from Overlord95 who tells us that he just woke up (at fucking 6pm!!), and that we're going to have to go all the way to Arlington to pick him up. So we get to Canooks place and start to head towards Arlington. Remember all that traffic I told you about? Yeaaaaaaaaa..............fucking lame! So anyways, after getting lost in Arlington a couple of times because of My Name Is Scott's impeccable directions, we finally make it to Overlord95's neighborhood and..........well, I get pulled over. Apparently I had been driving so long that I completely forgot to put my headlights on because we started the trip during the daytime. This usually wouldn't have been a big deal because I have a good driving record, but on this particular night it had the potential to be disastrous. You see, before we left the Lucky Frog, Canook was kind enough to give me one of his extra "pieces." Unfortunately for us this piece was located in my glove compartment, which I needed to access in order to get my registration. My Name Is Scott scrambled for a solution to our dilemma, and ingeniously had me lean over the glove compartment while he stuck his legs in front of it making it impossible for the police officer to see inside. After we dodged that bullet all we had to do was mention Magic: The Gathering to convince the police officer that we were way to nerdy to hastle. After looking at my spotless driving record he decided not to give us a ticket and sent us on our way. So we finally fucking make it to Overlord95's place, and we finally start heading in the right direction. We grit our teeth through some miserable traffic, and I finally decide to take a route that will bring us through the town I live in. We decide to stop at the local Target to pick up some camping necessities, and it is here that My Name Is Scott and I saw the most amazing thing ever; a turtle doll that sang Funky Town!! I don't know why I felt the need to tell you that, but man that turtle was fucking awesome! Also, seeing as I've already trailed off, I might as well tell you that our car consisted of three members of Team Unicorn, and one former member of Team Unicorn (Canook). Because of Canook's shameful split from Team Unicorn we decided it was necessary to vote down his music selections 3 to 1 for the entire trip. Unicorn grudges run deep my friends. But anyways, we finally make it to the campsite that we are going to be staying at, and we assemble all of our tents. At one point Urabahn, Canook, Overlord95, My Name Is Scott and I all pack ourselves into Urabahn's tent and fucking hotbox the hell out of that thing :wink: . Things are starting to look up at that point, but the lamest of the lame has yet to come. You see, when we finally decide to go to sleep it's pretty much pouring outside, and I slip in a patch of mud. Also, the tents start to leak and I get soaked while sleeping................GOD DAMN FUCKING SPIRAL OF LAME!!!!! YOU AND YOUR FUCKING LAMENESS!!! I'LL FUCKING CUT YOU GODDAMNIT!!! *Ahem*. Anyways, the next day rolls around, and we call bullshit on camping, so we decide to pack everything up at the last minute. We're almost late to the tournament because we can't seem to pack the Hatfields tent correctly, but we speed and get there in time. That brings me to the actual.....

Tournament Report:
I'll start off with the decklist I was running:
R/w Goblins
8 Mountain
2 Bloodstained Mire
3 Wooded Foothill
4 Plateau
4 Wasteland
4 Goblin Warchief
4 Gempalm Incinerator
4 Mogg Fanatic
4 Goblin Ringleader
4 Goblin Lackey
4 Goblin Piledriver
4 Goblin Matron
2 Seige-Gang Commander
1 Kiki-Jiki, Mirror Breaker
1 Goblin King
4 Aether Vial
3 Swords To Plowshares
Sideboard:
4 Red Elemental Blast
3 Disenchant
3 Pyrokinesis
3 Pithing Needle
2 Tormod's Crypt

So, onto the report:
Round 1: Some guy w/ Deadguy Ale
Game 1: He plays a Scrubland which I waste, and he never plays another land. I easily roll him.
Game 2: I get off to a slow start, and he plays a Dark Confidant which draws him two Plagues. I can't recover and we go to game three.
Game 3: I don't remember this game very well, but I'm pretty sure it involved goblins going broken, and Deadguy not being able to answer threats.

Round 2: Corey w/ Affinity
Game 1: I'm kinda pissed cause I already have to play someone that I know, and Corey is a good guy. But anyways, he gets a saucey opening hand, and pretty much ends the game with a Shrapnal Blast to my dome.
Game 2: He gets another strong start, but I'm able to hold him off with removal. We get into the late game, and my goblins just take over.
Game 3: I'm able to hold off his creatures with removal, and he is able to get down a Plague. However, he is unable to find a permanent black mana source and I win the game while he has multiple plagues in his hand.

Round 3: Some guy w/ Thresh
Game 1: I don't remember this guys name, but he was pretty cool. This was match, however, was far from cool. For some reason I start making mistakes that fluster me, and lead to more mistakes. I played terribly this match.
Game 2: See game one.

Round 4: Overlord95 w/ Rec-Sur
Game 1: Shit! I have to play a fellow Unicorn!! How gay is that shit?!?! Anyways, I don't really remember this game, but I'm pretty sure it ended with a bunch of goblins turned sideways.
Game 2: I get him down to 12 life, and he plays a Wall of Blossoms as a blocker. I Swords the wall, and swing in for exactly 12.

Round 5: James w/ Faerie Stompy
Game 1: James goes to the wrong table, and is almost handed a game loss for being late. James is a good guy, but I'm pretty sure I beat him in record time. This game he goes turn 2 Serendib Efreet, turn 3 Jitte equip, but I swords the Efreet in response to the equip, and just smash face from there.
Game 2: He gets down an early Weatherseed Faeries, and goes Jitte equip again, but I disenchant the Jitte in response to the equip, and then bash with big unblockable Piledrivers.

Round 6: Some Guy w/ Goblins
Game 1: I'm pretty nervous this game because I know that if I win this match there's a good chance that I'll be able to draw into the top 8. Anyways, I'm able to hold off his assualt with removal, and I just swing ftw.
Game 2: Pretty much the same as game 1. I'm pretty sure this was some of the best Magic I played all day.

Round 7: James Buckingham w/ Goblins
Game 1: Fuck! I get paired against the one guy that has to play it out in order to make Top 8, so we have to go. I've met James before, and he's a good guy, which makes this even more interesting. I waste one of his lands early on, and he gets stuck on one Mountain. I win easily.
Game 2: This game was a little more interesting, but I ended up wasting a couple of his lands early on, and I then started to win the goblins race. I simply ended up with more goblins in play, and I swarmed him.

Holy Shit!! I made top 8!! Hell, not only did I make top 8, but I'm the top seed!! A round of Unicorn high fives was necessary!!

Top 8:
Quarterfinals: Nick Trudeau w/ 4 color Landstill
Game 1: I'm not too excited about this match-up, and I end up getting rolled the first game.
Game 2: I don't remember this game too much, but I'm pretty sure I had too much gas for him to deal with.
Game 3: This was one of the best games of Magic I've ever played in my life. I'm able to get him down to 2 life, but he stabalizes and gets a Plague down. I'm able to play a Pithing Needle on Nantuko Monastary which is the only win condition he has in play. He eventually deals with the Needle which worries me, but I draw into the second needle. We're both in topdeck mode for a while, and all I have in play is an Aether Vial and a Goblin Piledriver which can't do any damage because of Plauge. I eventually draw into a Seige-Gang Commander, but I can't play it because I fear counter magic and removal. I decide to wait until my Vial hits five to make my move, and he has no answers when I do. I fling a Piledriver at him ftw. A truly amazing game of Magic.

Semifinals (A.K.A Unicorn Justice!!): Same guy as round 3 w/ Thresh
Game 1: Wow! This is the only guy I lost to in the swiss. Time to strap on the Unicorn Horn and administer a Unicorn Pounding! I waste one of his lands early on and he gets mana-screwed. Wasteland was a champ for me all day. I win easily.
Game 2: I start the game with an amazing opening hand, and just ride it to a victory. I saw both of the Crypts I boarded in this game, and prevented him from ever getting threshold.

Finals: Mad Zur w/ Thresh
Mad Zur and I decide to split, and because Mad Zur is a cool guy he gave me 1st place. Many a Unicorn high five was given, and I was even carried for a short distance by my fellow Unicorns. I must say that, despite all the lameness that happened the day before, taking home 1st place was one of the best and most exciting times I've ever had. If this doesn't prove the supreme excellence of Unicorns then I don't know what does. ALL HAIL TEAM UNICORN!!!

After Action Report:
Thankfully after the tournament was finished Evil Roopey was kind enough to let a bunch of us crash at his studio apartment in Blacksburg. I was absolutely filthy from camping the night before, so the first thing I did was take a shower when we got to Roopeys place. In the middle of my shower both Kreiger and My Name Is Scott decided to come in and make it a full blown Unicorn Shower :wink: . They crossed their streams into the toilet as I moaned blissfully for them to whisper sweet Unicorn Nothings into my ear.........also, there was some cat meowing in there. It was a really hot scene. After we finished our little Unicorn Shower we all celebrated with a mixture of various illicit substances. All was well until My Name Is Scott got sick, and puked all over Kreiger's shit. What a pussy. :wink:.

Props and Slops:
Mad Props:
Roopey for letting us crash at his place
Starcity Games for holding the tournament
Mad Zur for the split and giving me 1st
Me for winning the damn thing

Props:
Unicorns for just being all around awesome
Gearhart for being so god damned arrogant
ObFreely for letting me borrow Bloodstained Mires
My Name Is Scott for getting us out of shit, and having great taste in music
Canook for providing a certain illicit substance
Urabahn for letting us hotbox his tent
quicksilver for pissing Gearhart off by making it rain
Everyone else from the NoVA crew who made top 8
All of my opponents for being cool and losing :wink:
Sexy Rector for getting alcohol and being a cool guy to hang out with
Turtles that sing Funky Town for being downright amazing

Slops:
The spiral of lameness for being all around lame
Overlord95 for making us go to Arlington
Traffic for giving me a headache
My Name Is Scott for being a light weight
Canook for quitting Team Unicorn
Camping for being a really bad idea (looking at you quicksilver)
Truckers on I-81 for cutting us off like 20 times on the ride back

Canook
10-11-2006, 07:46 AM
At one point Urabahn, Canook, Overlord95, My Name Is Scott and I all pack ourselves into Urabahn's tent and fucking hotbox the hell out of that thing
Yep, that was fun. Oh also, I quit Unicorn like 4-5 months ago... And I'm in slops for that?? Damn.
But yeah, nice job.

URABAHN
10-11-2006, 09:17 AM
Yeah, Canook totally sucks for not being a Unicorn.


Semifinals (A.K.A Unicorn Justice!!): Same guy as round 3 w/ Thresh
Game 1: Wow! This is the only guy I lost to in the swiss. Time to strap on the Unicorn Horn and administer a Unicorn Pounding! I waste one of his lands early on and he gets mana-screwed. Wasteland was a champ for me all day. I win easily.
Game 2: I start the game with an amazing opening hand, and just ride it to a victory. I saw both of the Crypts I boarded in this game, and prevented him from ever getting threshold.

That match was a perfect example of how not to play against Goblins. Nipples made a few sloppy plays and, in my opinion, the other guy all but gave him the match, but that didn't stop Mr. Nipples from earning the big "W". What sticks out in my mind was how the other guy traded a Nimble Mongoose with a Mogg Fanatic, a Werebear with a Mogg Fanatic, and then another Werebear with a Mogg Fanatic. Someone wanted to build Threshold the hard way.

Key play in this Match, Game 2: Mr. Nipples plays his 4th land and attempts to cast Goblin Warchief. Thresh player responds with Daze. Mr. Nipples lets Daze resolve and pays 1. Thresh player responds to Warchief again with another Daze which counters the Warchief. Then Mr. Nipples lays down TORMOD'S CRYPT, IT RESOLVES, AND ACTIVATES IT

Hell yeah!

Sloppy plays I noticed from Mr. Nipples. You could've been a bit more patient with your 2x Tormod's Crypt, waiting until he had a threat before activating it. You could've played with your Kiki-Jiki better, like copying a Mogg Fanatic to take out his Werebear. You did copy Gang-Bang Commander, but you forgot to attack with the 2/2 copy of Gang-Bang Commander!

I wish we had the 40oz Hurricane that Calosso asked for, but didn't drink because he was a pussy. You would've been the recipient of a wonderful Unicorn shower. A golden shower!

quicksilver
10-11-2006, 06:45 PM
Great job Mr. Nipples, although it would have been so much hotter if you won the tournament with 9 Land Stompy instead. By the way, what was that crap all over the back of your hoody? I couldn't help but notice the stains during the Top 8 haha. Was it mustard or something?!

It was mud, it ws very muddy out and he got mud on it, geez.

Mr. Nipples
10-12-2006, 03:27 AM
@Urabahn: I actually did swing with the Kiki copy. I just didn't have a token to represent it, so that might've caused some confusion. Also, the reason I activated the second Crypt when I did was the fact that my opponent had almost zero cards in hand, so I knew it would be an uphill battle for him to ever reach thresh again if I crypted right there. I just felt like it was time to take complete command of the game as things were getting a little stretched out, and we were getting into the stage of the game where my deck shines the most. However, I do agree with you that my opponent played a terrible match. I don't know if you remember this or not, but there was one point in the match where he had a Pithing Needle on Seige-Gang in play, and he taps to play another Needle. I let the Needle resolve and he names Seige-Gang again!! I was almost positive that he had made a mistake, but after I asked about it he said he did it because he feared Disenchant. He made plenty of mistakes, and I was able to take advantage of them.

@Canook: Like I said man, "Unicorn grudges run deep." :wink:

EDIT: We can still arrange a Unicorn Shower if you'd like Urabahn. Just meet me in the mens bathroom at the local YMCA :wink:.

fear_these
10-12-2006, 05:24 PM
I am the guy that beat you in Round three and both of our Matchs went to Game 3 beause I rememberd you were land screwed game when when I had the nutter butter draw.

Mr. Nipples
10-12-2006, 05:32 PM
I am the guy that beat you in Round three and both of our Matchs went to Game 3 beause I rememberd you were land screwed game when when I had the nutter butter draw.
Yea, you might be right. I was really tired from camping the night before, so my memory of that day is a little blurry. But yea, congrats on making top 4. Hopefully I'll see you at future tournaments.