Obligatory shitty card creation thread

[Barook]

How about this:

Protector of Mortality
Creature - Human Knight
First strike
Creatures you control can't leave the battlefield unless they die.
"Till death do us part."
2/2

Protects your creatures from StP, Terminus, Karakas and bounce, among other things. Also combines neatly with RiP or Samurai of the Pale Curtain for an invincible army.

Guardian of the Conclave
Creature - Human Shaman
Flash
When Guardian of the Conclave enters the battlefield, choose one:
* You gain hexproof until end of turn.
* Until end of turn, spells and abilities your opponents control can't cause you to sacrifice permanents.
2/2

That's a pretty nifty design.

[HdH_Cthulhu]

Something simple that I'd like;

Blue Bounce Spell x32
XUU
Return target non-land permant with converted mana-cost 3 or less to it's owners hand
Scry X, then draw a card

Or I'd like Repeal to be errata'd to X or less.

should be with mana-cost X or less...

[Kanti]

I thought about that, but woudn't it be a bit strong then? 3-or-less still gets rid of Delver, Cbalance, Chalice, and other important things. Actually, thinking twice, I'd prefer it not to say X or less and have X just determine scry as the card can bounce a Delver on turn 2 as it stands, where if it was X or less you would have to have 3 mana to bounce a 1 mana permanent, 4 mana for a 2 mana, 5 for a 3, etc, etc.

[Kagehisa]

How about a Pyroblast with red phyrexian mana à la Mental Mistep?

[MGB]

I would soil my pants with joy if they ever printed something like this:

Order of the Holy Chalice
Legendary Human Soldier


Whenever a player casts a spell with converted mana cost 1, counter that spell.

2/1

[Bosque]

Or to be more in keeping with white, exile instead of counter. Similar effect, but less blue.

[HdH_Cthulhu]

Not going to happen... White taxes; so maybe 1cc spells cost 3? idk...

[TsumiBand]

For whatever reason this reminds me of a card I used to think was the shit, I thought of it like 10 years ago and in retrospect it's probably not on the curve at all, but w/e

---
Defiant Truthspeaker

Creature - Human Rebel

When -this- enters the battlefield, choose a color.

Spells of the chosen color cost 1 more to cast.

1/1

Her presence is taxing.

---
I originally thought it'd be cool to put it in the Rebel chain just because, like, why not - it was an infamous tribe at the time and was trying to be relevant in Vintage with stuff like Standstill and blue counters and shit, and it wasn't doing a real great job of it.

After seeing Thalia be a real thing, I have to wonder if the ability would actually be okay if it were templated a little differently like 'noncreature spells of the chosen color' or whatever. It makes it less exciting for Standard but gets better as it trickles down through Eternal formats, which is usually what the more interesting printings as of late do, so. I dunno.

I could also see it being a bear to play around with a nut-draw or like, being able to regularly play it turn 1/turn 2 with Ramosian Sargeant and Chrome Mox/Ancient Tombs/other Sol lands. So it is probably fundamentally unable to stand in its current incarnation.

[sdematt]

What about something focusing on manipulation? (either looking at the top cards of your Library or drawing them)

Haterade Creature - BB

Flash

If a player would manipulate the top cards of his or her library, that player loses 1 life for each card manipulated.

1/1

Thoughts? Basically unsplashable in any blue deck, and hits Top and all the cantrips, as well as Library and Arena. Funnily, it plays well with Confidant...

-Matt

[iamajellydonut]

You're going to have to define "manipulate" a liiittle bit better. And by a "liiiittle" bit better, I mean define it at all in the slightest. Because, by your constituted outline, both players would be dead within about three turns of it being in play regardless of the archetype.

[Barook]

Thalia's Familiar
Legendary Creature - Bird
Flying
Instant and sorcery spells cost more to play.
1/1

@TsumiBand: At least make it legendary. This could be pretty stupid on the play in multiples.

@sdematt: The main issue I see here is defining "manipulate" in game terms. Isn't it also a triggered ability, thus shouldn't it be "Whenever" instead of if? Plus, make it at least a 2 power creature. 1 power is abyssal.

Here's my take on it:

Faust
Legendary Creature - Human Wizard
Flash
Whenever a player looks at a top card of his or her library, reveals a card from his or her library or draws an extra card, that player loses 1 life.
2/1

[Ace/Homebrew]

Are there any rules or formatting nightmares that would make this card impossible?

Magus of the Void XX
Artifact Creature
Magus of the Void enters the battlefield with X charge counters on it.
Whenever a player casts a spell with converted mana cost equal to the number of charge counters on Magus of the Void, counter that spell.
Magus of the Void's power and toughness are equal to the number of charge counters on it.
*/*

[iamajellydonut]

I mean, aside from being a crappy Chalice (hello, 1/1 or 0/0), there's no reason it wouldn't fit within the text box.

[Barook]

Are there any rules or formatting nightmares that would make this card impossible?

Magus of the Void XX
Artifact Creature
Magus of the Void enters the battlefield with X charge counters on it.
Whenever a player casts a spell with converted mana cost equal to the number of charge counters on Magus of the Void, counter that spell.
Magus of the Void's power and toughness are equal to the number of charge counters on it.
*/*

Just use +1/+1-counters instead of charge counters. Also allows for more interesting interactions with alot of cards.

[Gheizen64]

Some more consistency spells for non-blue colors:

Wander the known 1G
Instant
Search your library for a basic land, reveal it, and add it to your hand. Then, if you control at least one basic land of the same type, draw a card.
Sometimes, old places hides the biggest discoveries.


Rustle the tombs 1B
Instant
Put target artifact or creature from a graveyard into your hand. Draw a card.
Trinket or corpses, whatever you can find it's always useful.

Fiery Visions 1R
Sorcery
Exile the top card of your library. An opponent may take 3 damage from Fiery Visions. If he don't, exile the top card of your library again.
Until the end of turn, you may play the exiled cards.
It's easy to use fire as a weapon. It's way harder to use it as a tool of knowledge.

Humble Squire 1W
Creature - Human Squire
Flash
When Humble Squire ETB, search your library for a human creature, reveal it, and add it to your hand.
I bring news of my lord.
1/2

The green card is intended as a promoter of both the basic land theme of green, and the mana fixingtheme. Basically draw 2 for 1G, but one is a basic land and you have to play a consistent number of basic lands to make it efficient. 1 less mana than Krosan Tusker which however is uncounterable and has an option to play it as a creature, without the basic land requirement.

The black card is essentially a draw 2 that give you some control over what you draw in the right deck, and negate your opponent recursion options. Gives you some control on the things Black should be more adept at controlling, the graveyard. Not playable in every deck, but only in some metagames where reanimating strategies are at least present, and returning creatures from your graveyard isn't terrible.

Red card is a bit tricky. While it may look as a "draw 1, deal 3 damage", or, cycling Lava Spike for 1R, in reality it can be much worse. You can't play it on 2 lands for example, because your opponent will just give you 2 cards which u can't play. So it's a card that has to be played on very low curves, and in decks that want to kill your opponent fast with damage. So, burn, and maybe red combo. It's a punisher card, but actually good.

The white card is a Stoneforge mystic for human creatures. Without the option to actually cheat them into play, but still. A 1/2 creature tutor for 1W still give you a lot of versatility. KotR, Thalia, and lots of good utility/hate creatures can be fetched with this. Human is a huge tribe.

Also, again, some lands to combat flooding/screw/going 2nd

Gaea's Library
Land
T: add 1 to your mana pool
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may reveal three or more basic land from your hand. If you do, draw a card.

Flooded with basic lands isn't that bad with this.

The Coin 3
Artifact
If you started second this game, the Coin cost 3 less to play.
Tap, sacrifice: add 1 of any color to your mana pool and draw a card.

Lotus petal + cycle if you start second, essentially 2 mana cycler if you went first. Sideboard only card probably, but still extremely good.

[sdematt]

Thalia's Familiar
Legendary Creature - Bird
Flying
Instant and sorcery spells cost more to play.
1/1

@TsumiBand: At least make it legendary. This could be pretty stupid on the play in multiples.

@sdematt: The main issue I see here is defining "manipulate" in game terms. Isn't it also a triggered ability, thus shouldn't it be "Whenever" instead of if? Plus, make it at least a 2 power creature. 1 power is abyssal.

Here's my take on it:

Faust
Legendary Creature - Human Wizard
Flash
Whenever a player looks at a top card of his or her library, reveals a card from his or her library or draws an extra card, that player loses 1 life.
2/1

Exactly, manipulate did need a definition. In my mind, this is what it was :P

-Matt

[Barook]

@Gheizen64: CA cards normally cost at least 3 mana nowadays.

Gaea's Library would be interesting with Land Tax.

[apple713]

@Gheizen64: CA cards normally cost at least 3 mana nowadays.

Gaea's Library would be interesting with Land Tax.

i could see that being printed if it required a tap instead of a trigger.

[Chatto]

Some more consistency spells for non-blue colors:

(...)

Gaea's Library
Land
T: add 1 to your mana pool
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may reveal three or more basic land from your hand. If you do, draw a card.

Flooded with basic lands isn't that bad with this.

i could see that being printed if it required a tap instead of a trigger.

This would be great, and indeed, it should be tap instead of a triggered ability. It also would be to powerful, even if you had to tap it.

[Dice_Box]

Yea, Fish could really use it. Maybe Nic Fit as well. Who else runs three basics total? Burn? Painter? Not to say it's not strong but when people talk about basics in Legacy I think about Fish first.