Obligatory shitty card creation thread

[Bed Decks Palyer]

Thanks man. Appreciate the kind words! The Haakon take is interesting but it would alter the card quiet a bit I think. Need to think about how to do that :-).

The blue one and the white one are still up for grabs, who will try one?

I hope that at the end you'll (help me to) polish the green one, I'd love if something meaningful would come out of that..

The white one? Angélique, Marquise des Anges?

[bruizar]

Just trying something here

Kaja, Willow of Autumn
Planeswalker - Kaja
2 loyalty
-2: Each player searches his or her library for a forest card and puts it on the battlefield tapped.
+1: Put a green 0/1 Dryad creature on the battlefield, lose one life.
-6: You get an emblem with "Basic forests also have "T: Sacrifice a dryad creature, target land becomes a basic forest." and an emblem with "Dryad creatures get +1/+0, shroud and forestwalk."

OR

Kaja, Willow of Autumn
Planeswalker - Kaja
2 loyalty
-2: Each player searches his or her library for a forest card and puts it on the battlefield tapped.
+1: Put a green 0/1 Dryad creature on the battlefield, lose one life.
-6: Choose one —
• You get an emblem with "Basic forests also have "T: Sacrifice a dryad creature, target land becomes a basic forest."
• You get an emblem with "Dryad creatures get +1/+0, shroud and forestwalk.

The ultimate is unique because you get two emblems instead of one. This is quiet nice, because, like Jace and Garruk Relentless, the card has more to offer than 3 abilities, but it does so different from all the other current planeswalkers (double emblems). The reason for this is that in the lore it states that Autumn Willow has several options: 1) restart the mana channels at the cost of her creatures. 2) do nothing and watch the strength of the Homelands fade (not a real option) 3) wait for a miracle. Option 1 is bad (doesn't want to kill her own creatures), option 2 is unacceptable and option 3 is foolish. (actually option 2 and 3 are the same :p)

The first emblem represents her choice to restart the mana channels after Feroz's Ban failed. Kaja sacrifices her dryads in order to revitalize the world through the power of nature. This plays like a green blood moon. You can disrupt 4 lands by tapping 4 forests and sacrificing your dryads, so it's a green moon for if your opponent didn't kill your Dryads before popping your ultimate. It's not a hardlock because you can still draw new lands and most likely, the opponent will not have Kaja or any Dryads left. You could use fetchlands to get Dryad Arbor and use this as a pseudo wasteland, which is interesting and promotes players to play monocolored / non-blue. The emblem grants the ability only to basic forests, because it's too easy to splash Autumn Willow otherwise, and because Autum Willow resides in the deep woods of the Homelands, not in the tropical islands :-).

The second emblem is a nod to the fact that Autumn Willow was the very first card with shroud in the game. The emblem represents the miracle. It turns your Dryads into an unblockable win condition and Dryad Arbor suddenly gives Truename Nemesis a run for its money. Against a player that does not have any forests in play, you will likely sacrifice one Dryad to take your opponent's best land and attack with the 3 remaining Dryads. I think this would play strategically similar to Lingering Souls, where going all in or timing the flashback depends on your matchup (clock vs terminus; in this case clock plus minor mana disruption vs a 'green blood moon' effect). 3 virtually unblockable shrouded 1/1's are also a nod to True Name Nemesis, and the fact that it should have never been blue.

The emblems are based on the following part:

Shortly thereafter, Feroz's Ban started to fail, and she felt the energies that sustained her begin to fade. She knows that with her current strength, she may have a chance at restarting the mana channels, thus, over time, turning the world from a wasteland back into one rich with life. However, this will likely cost the lives of every creature in the Homelands. She is willing to destroy herself and Baron Sengir for the greater good, but she cannot bear to kill the Folk of An-Havva.

But if Autumn Willow doesn't use her power, then the strength of the Homelands will fade until even she ceases to exist, and what she saw in the vision may indeed come true. Now Autumn Willow is at a loss for what to do and is trying to find some third option, some miracle, because to destroy all the ones that she loves brings a cruelty that even a creature derived from balance and nature cannot endure. So she waits for a miracle that will keep her from using the very primal forces of nature against those that she loves more than life.

I could use some feedback on the two different versions. I think the first version offers a little more strategic depth, because you really only use the second emblem if the opponent has forests in play. But I like the second version a little better because I feel it's more of a flavor win by forcing the player to make the same choice as the Autumn Willow.

[Bed Decks Palyer]

Wow, that was brilliant post with lots of amazing ideas. I'm ashamed that my answer will be short...

The second version is much more interesting, imho. I mean: much more! I'd choose this one, namely considering that Kaja, being one mana Nature's Lore or repeatable Forcefield, is pretty overpowered. The fact that her Big Ultimate (the two emblems combined) takes whoping 12 loyalty points and an amazing numbers of turns, balanes her other two abilites. This is especially important in a color with access to Doubling Season, although I do understand that it'll be Kaja, not DS, what will be played first.
The only thing I'm not sure is the Nature's Lore. I liked how the opponents could search for dual (it made her less one-sided), and I could see an ability saying "you search for basic Forests, other players for Forest", but this will make the text long, it'll be far less elegant and moreover, this ability won't be used too often, so lets keep it one-sided.

Much thanks for what you've done!

[bruizar]

Oops, I just copied the first two abilities. It should read forest card, fixed!

I'm glad you like it. I agree that the second version seems more balanced and interesting. Getting two emblems for a 1 mana planeswalker is a little bit OP; plus a planeswalker with bulleted options is sort of awesome :D.

For what it's worth, here is a little insight on how I try to create these.
I personally really like it when cards look really good on paper, but once you start to examine them in the context of specific decks, they fall apart a little bit because of all sorts of tensions with other cards and deck frameworks. Karn is a good example of this, it looks like a mox without a drawback, but upon closer inspection it's more like a colorless lotus petal. Yes you can get to 3 (colorless) mana turn 1, but you could get to 3 colored mana with a lotus petal so it doesn't actually change the explosiveness of decks too much. There's built in tension with Trinisphere. It enables turn 1 Trinisphere (soft lock) but you will be locked under it too; it does not enable turn 1 Blood Moon which can be a hardlock. I would expect that spoiler season's reaction to Karn would be OMG the world is falling, a 0 mana planeswalker!!!! Only to realize that there is an opportunity cost to playing him as well as the fact that randomly probing your opponent for 1 card really adds up. Life is a resource, but it's a non negligble resource. We have long departed from the notion that the only life point that matters is the last one with cards such as Ancient Tomb, Thoughtseize, fetch and Gitaxian Probe. Every point counts.

I tried to do the same for Kaja. I like how Choke interacts with Kaja. Although it's similar to Choke in the fact that it ties up mana, Kaja works exactly opposite to Choke. Kaja is to Choke as Blood Moon is to Back to Basics; but it's infinitely more fair because it is disrupted so easily and takes until turn 5 to happen. Also, you can top-deck yourself out of Kaja's mana channeling emblem. The card would be good in a green stax deck, because you can feed dryads to smokestack; but green stax is a subpar deck to begin with and relies on sol land to perform (which isn't great for Kaja.) A sweet interaction is that you can turn your ancient tombs into basic forests when the damage pressures you too much, or drop that second city of traitors by making the one already in play a basic forest. Also, green stax decks run chalice of the void, and since cavern of souls doesn't work on planeswalkers, there's built-in tension between Kaja and Chalice decks, similar to the way there's built-in tension between Karn and Trinisphere.

I ideally want to make Lim Dûl equivalent to a black sylvan library / brainstorm; it should enable tutoring which is black's most potent and iconic ability, but it should cost you a lot and you shouldn't be able to do it in every deck, because then blue will just splash it and run it alongside brainstorm like they always do. It should be archetypically black to reflect the way Green Sun's Zenith and Sylvan Library are archetypically green and brainstorm and ponder are archetypically blue.

[Bed Decks Palyer]

Amazing post once again! I like the thought processes behind the cards, I did nothing similar when designing the original Kaja, as my main idea was to take some of the archetypically green apsects (ramp, dudes, more ramp and more dudes) without realizing how broken is the result.

[TsumiBand]

One drop walkers, eh? Needs to follow the story though, hmmm.

I haven't read any MtG story. vOv

Isamaru, Honda of the Multiverse

Planeswalker - Isamaru

+2: Target creature you control gains first strike and vigilance until the beginning of your next turn.
-1: Isamaru deals 1 damage to target creature an opponent controls. Tap that creature.
-7: You gain an emblem with "During each turn, you may exile up to one target permanent or spell."

2

----
So, right, let's see. Explanation...

+2: Dogs make you feel good. Well, they make me feel good anyway. I wanted to make an ability that made it as if Isamaru was hanging out with one of your creatures and perking them up. Thought about a counter, but... eh. Dogs are picky too and sometimes they hang out with other people, especially if they have food.
-1: Dogs are also scampy little jerks sometimes. Well, my dog is. Being a coonhound/blue heeler mix, she likes to herd. This means nipping at feet and legs to redirect people.
-7: Dogs like to play fetch. I feel this applies to many dogs besides my dog. I like the idea of a planeswalking hound being able to chomp down on a spell like it's a Frisbee. Perhaps this is without enough precedent in White, or perhaps it should not be "permanent OR spell" and just one or the other. But really, isn't there something cute about the notion that a supercharged, spark-carrying Isamaru could see an inbound spell and just be like "RUH ROH" and snag it out of the aether and then rip it to pieces? I like this idea.

[Bed Decks Palyer]

Tsumi, I love you. Ok, so after the whole REALLY SERIOUS cards you came with this? And moreover... I like it?
No, really, I mean it: I like it. Maybe it's far too funny for the grim faces of WotC, but this one would be amazing.

[Barook]

How about this mix of rebels and GSZ to increase white's consistency?

Royal Recruiter
Creature - Human Soldier
X, tap, Discard a card: Search your library for a white creature card with converted mana cost X or less, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle your library. Activate this ability only any time you could cast a sorcery.
1/2

[bruizar]

One drop walkers, eh? Needs to follow the story though, hmmm.

I haven't read any MtG story. vOv

Isamaru, Honda of the Multiverse

Planeswalker - Isamaru

+2: Target creature you control gains first strike and vigilance until the beginning of your next turn.
-1: Isamaru deals 1 damage to target creature an opponent controls. Tap that creature.
-7: You gain an emblem with "During each turn, you may exile up to one target permanent or spell."

2

----
So, right, let's see. Explanation...

+2: Dogs make you feel good. Well, they make me feel good anyway. I wanted to make an ability that made it as if Isamaru was hanging out with one of your creatures and perking them up. Thought about a counter, but... eh. Dogs are picky too and sometimes they hang out with other people, especially if they have food.
-1: Dogs are also scampy little jerks sometimes. Well, my dog is. Being a coonhound/blue heeler mix, she likes to herd. This means nipping at feet and legs to redirect people.
-7: Dogs like to play fetch. I feel this applies to many dogs besides my dog. I like the idea of a planeswalking hound being able to chomp down on a spell like it's a Frisbee. Perhaps this is without enough precedent in White, or perhaps it should not be "permanent OR spell" and just one or the other. But really, isn't there something cute about the notion that a supercharged, spark-carrying Isamaru could see an inbound spell and just be like "RUH ROH" and snag it out of the aether and then rip it to pieces? I like this idea.

Given the humor in the card, I'm not sure how serious your attempt was, but here's my feedback anyway. Although I really like Isamaru as a planeswalker (especially given the fact that its a dog; which makes sense with the low mana cost), it would have been nice if you picked up where the storyline stopped so that the abilities make a little bit more sense. As for the abilities, I'm missing the tension between the abilities as it only has good ones. They don't really interact with each other which would have been cool. There are currently no drawbacks to the card in terms of self infliction of damage casting or ramping restrictions. It would be nice if you could make the abilities more integrated in the story and the color. The card doesn't really feel white to me (except for the -1). How do you expect people would play with this? I'd just ramp this card up as fast as possible and lock my opponent out with a free Counterspell every turn after cleaning up the threats with the emblem. The ultimate is way way way too strong and easy too get; and the -1 is too effective at combating creatures; it kills delvers, pyromancers and elves.dec which also going to 4 loyalty before a lightning bolt can even attempt to kill it.

For reference, here's some background on Isamaru
"Isamaru was the great white akita dog of daimyo Takeshi Konda. He was well-trained by Konda himself, but like Konda's own daughter, he suffered from the daimyo's lack of attention after Konda's crime. He found a great companion in Michiko.

Isamaru was present when Toshi Umezawa arrived to free Michiko from her own room, where she was locked away by her father after her journey to Jukai. Later, when O-Kagachi approached Eiganjo, General Takeno released Isamaru from the gates of the castle to give the dog a chance to survive. Isamaru ran to Eiganjo's evacuated population and helped them fight the akki horde that assailed the Towabara plains.

Even later, Isamaru was seen in Towabara again when Toshi arrived to borrow a battle moth from the remaining stables. He was with Constable Aoyama, who tried to prevent Toshi from stealing the animal. Toshi willed himself into the shadows and transported Isamaru to Jukai, near Michiko's position."

[Vicar in a tutu]

Dark Augury
Instant
Look at the top three cards of your library. Put one into your hand, one into your graveyard and one at the bottom of your library. You lose life equal to the converted mana cost of the card you put into your graveyard.

[Bed Decks Palyer]

Dark Augury
Instant
Look at the top three cards of your library. Put one into your hand, one into your graveyard and one at the bottom of your library. You lose life equal to the converted mana cost of the card you put into your graveyard.

Black Brainstorm?
I cannot say how powerful this would be, but I guess that quite a lot. Nice thing is that it's not an Entomb no.2, as burying a reanimation target would really hurt.

[Dice_Box]

Volcanic check land

Land, Mountain, Island
~comes into play tapped if you control 3 or more lands.

Tap for (R) or (U)

[bruizar]

Dark Augury
Instant
Look at the top three cards of your library. Put one into your hand, one into your graveyard and one at the bottom of your library. You lose life equal to the converted mana cost of the card you put into your graveyard.

I'm afraid that this will just replace ponder in blue decks. It digs more consistently than ponder, It's instant instead of sorcery, and it helps fuel your Treasure Cruise. The life loss will be minimal in a deck like delver.

[Vicar in a tutu]

I'm afraid that this will just replace ponder in blue decks. It digs more consistently than ponder, It's instant instead of sorcery, and it helps fuel your Treasure Cruise. The life loss will be minimal in a deck like delver.

You shouldn't underestimate the potential for lifeloss. With Treasure Cruise and Force of Will as staples (along with possibly Dig Through Time), it is absolutely possible to hit a situation where you have to pay some real life. Normally you would dump a land in the graveyard and take 0 damage, but what if that was the only land you saw and you really need that land? Besides, I don't mind a black card being labeled a "must play", it will shake up the dynamics of the format quite a bit. The card would also be good in nonblue shells, in a tier 2-3 deck like Zombies, for example: Dump a Gravecrawler or Bloodghast into the graveyard, etc. Also good with Cabal Therapy.

EDIT: But I changed it into a Sorcery to lower the power level.

[rufus]

Volcanic check land

Land, Mountain, Island
~comes into play tapped if you control 3 or more lands.

Tap for (R) or (U)

You should probably template this as "X other lands" to make it clearer.

Something in me wants them to print a cycle of lands like:

Lava Lake
Land, Mountain
Lava lake enters play tapped with a charge counter.
Remove a charge counter from lava lake: Untap Lava lake
T: Add R to your mana pool

[Vicar in a tutu]

Blessing of Abundance
Sorcery
Search your library for a land card if target opponent has more lands on the battlefield than you and for a creature card if that opponent has more creatures on the battlefield than you.
Reveal the chosen cards and put them into your hand. Shuffle your library.

Dying of the Light
Instant
Choose two -
* Destroy target nonblack creature.
* Target player discards a card.
* Draw a card and lose 2 life.
* Destroy target nonbasic land.

[Vicar in a tutu]

Herald of Extinction
Creature - Spirit
When Herald of Extinction enters the battlefield, exile all creature tokens.
If a creature token would enter the battlefield, exile it instead.
2/2

[Barook]

Since people love to suggest anti-Brainstorm cards without ever bringing up actual suggestions, here's a little challenge:

- design an anti-Brainstorm card that is maindeckable without completely gimping yourself when your opponent isn't playing Brainstorm or card draw in general
- the card must not cost more than 1 mana unless it has some alternate casting cost
- the card must be symmetrical, thus not going well with Brainstorm itself (sacrifice effects in general are only temporary and thus not symmetrical); it also mustn't be blue in any form
- keep the design reasonable (neither too OP nor crude as Tom LaPille's attempt at hate cards)
- the more decks can play it, the better

Let's see what people can come up with.

[Ingo]

Since people love to suggest anti-Brainstorm cards without ever bringing up actual suggestions, here's a little challenge:

- design an anti-Brainstorm card that is maindeckable without completely gimping yourself when your opponent isn't playing Brainstorm or card draw in general
- the card must not cost more than 1 mana unless it has some alternate casting cost
- the card must be symmetrical, thus not going well with Brainstorm itself; it also mustn't be blue in any form
- keep the design reasonable (neither too OP nor crude as Tom LaPille's attempt at hate cards)
- the more decks can play it, the better

Let's see what people can come up with.

I would like a land to hate on brainstorm, costing nothing to bring into play, and being able to tap for colorless mana.

Bermuda Triangle
Tap: add 1 to your manapool
Tap, sacrifice Bermuda Triangle: Target opponent can’t draw cards this turn.

It hates on carddraw, but for the price of a sacced landdrop. The more cards your opponent draws (brainstorm, enter the infinite, glimpse, …), the bigger the effect. You could replace “can draw cards” with “can’t add cards to hand” to hate on Ad Nauseam as well.
Activating this versus brainstorm would be especially painful since your opponent still has to put two cards back on top of the library, which is a 5-for-1. Hurray crop rotation!

[Tylert]

Anti-brainstorm hate R or W??
Enchantement
Whenever a player draws cards as a spell resolution, if the number of card drawn is greater than the spell converted mana cost, then he discards that many cards and loses that many life.

Not really maindeckable :)

I don't see a maindeckable anti-brainstorm hate costing one mana only and not being a creature...
I hope you guys prove me wrong :)