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Thread: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

  1. #981
    Hamburglar Hlelpler
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    You forgot Poland!

    Landlocked Lemur
    Creature - Beast

    As -this- ETB, search your library for a land card and put it on the battlefield. That land remains on the battlefield until- this- leaves the battlefield. Shuffle that land into your library as -this- leaves the battlefield.
    2/2

    It uses the modern 'until' wording so it is shenanigan-free.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dissection View Post
    Creature type - 'Fuck you mooooooom'
    Quote Originally Posted by Secretly.A.Bee View Post
    EDIT: Tsumi, you are silly.

  2. #982
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by TsumiBand View Post
    It uses the modern 'until' wording so it is shenanigan-free.
    And that's bad! How may I use the Lemur with gating and stamepding creatures?

  3. #983
    Hamburglar Hlelpler
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Bed Decks Palyer View Post
    And that's bad! How may I use the Lemur with gating and stamepding creatures?
    Honestly i can't imagine them putting any Nature's Lore type effect on a 2 mana 2/2 without closing the loopholes. Maybe I'm pessimistic :/
    Quote Originally Posted by Dissection View Post
    Creature type - 'Fuck you mooooooom'
    Quote Originally Posted by Secretly.A.Bee View Post
    EDIT: Tsumi, you are silly.

  4. #984
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Plippir, Chief Librarian
    Legendary Creature - Goblin
    Players take 1 damage for each card he or she draws
    2/1

    Notes
    Fuck you Brainstorm.

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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by TsumiBand View Post
    Honestly i can't imagine them putting any Nature's Lore type effect on a 2 mana 2/2 without closing the loopholes. Maybe I'm pessimistic :/
    That 2/2 guy is legendary. Others search for basic, all of them put them tapped and they got Squire's p/t for double colored mana. I don't think they're too powerful, but if they're op, then simply colorshift them into blue, give them flying or pro:you and they should be fine.

  6. #986
    Rob Rogers
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Banestorm
    -1-
    -Instant-
    Draw 3 cards, then put two cards from your hand on top of your library. If you control an Island, punch yourself in the dick and give your opponent 20 bucks.
    Team Hammafist-We don't take kindly to those who don't take kindly.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jander78 View Post
    You still have to appreciate a well timed "fuck yall niggas" though.
    Quote Originally Posted by FTW View Post
    WotC should either stop printing such good blue creatures or start printing more Hammerfist Giants
    "Got any trade boogas?"

  7. #987
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    I modified a design from Finn a bit:

    Goblin Spellthief
    Creature - Goblin Rogue
    Goblin Spellthief can't be countered.
    Haste
    Whenever Goblin Spellthief attacks, defending player reveals the top card of his or her library. If it’s an instant or sorcery card with converted mana cost 3 or less, you may exile that card. If you do, you may cast a copy of that card without paying its mana cost.
    2/2

  8. #988
    Hamburglar Hlelpler
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Boros Tatonka
    Creature - Buffalo Soldier

    Lifelink
    When -this- ETB, it deals 2 damage to target creature or player.
    2/2
    "Chop chop chop" Daisy, Kathy's House
    Quote Originally Posted by Dissection View Post
    Creature type - 'Fuck you mooooooom'
    Quote Originally Posted by Secretly.A.Bee View Post
    EDIT: Tsumi, you are silly.

  9. #989
    Hamburglar Hlelpler
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Orzhova Councilman
    Creature - Human Cleric

    As long as -this- is exiled, white creatures you control and black creatures you control get +1/+1.

    Exile -this-: target opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.

    2/1
    Quote Originally Posted by Dissection View Post
    Creature type - 'Fuck you mooooooom'
    Quote Originally Posted by Secretly.A.Bee View Post
    EDIT: Tsumi, you are silly.

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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by TsumiBand View Post
    Orzhova Councilman
    Creature - Human Cleric

    As long as -this- is exiled, white creatures you control and black creatures you control get +1/+1.

    Exile -this-: target opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.

    2/1
    So, is this a "make your own card for your own EDH" contest? :)
    If the answer is "yes", then...


    Krosan Glaciers
    Land

    ~ etb tapped.
    , tap: Search your library
    for Forest or Plains and put it
    otb tapped. Return ~ to your
    hand eot.


  11. #991

    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Giant Mountain Goat
    Creature - Goat Giant
    If at any time you control a Swamp, Plains, or Island, sacrfice ~.
    5/5

    Flash Boil
    Sorcery
    Destroy target Island an opponent controls and target land you control

    Jund Monster
    Creature - Beast
    Whenever an opponent draws a card that isn't the first draw of their draw step you may pay 1 life and draw a card.
    2/4

    Anti Mage Sword
    Artifact - Equipment
    Equipped creature gets +2/+0 for each each instant and sorcery card in target opponent's graveyard and gains protection from blue and red.
    Equip Remove two target instant or sorcery cards from an opponent's graveyard.

  12. #992
    Hamburglar Hlelpler
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Bed Decks Palyer View Post
    So, is this a "make your own card for your own EDH" contest? :)
    If the answer is "yes", then...


    Krosan Glaciers
    Land

    ~ etb tapped.
    , tap: Search your library
    for Forest or Plains and put it
    otb tapped. Return ~ to your
    hand eot.

    Haha no way man, I mean sure -- but I'd play that guy as a 5-of in constructed
    Quote Originally Posted by Dissection View Post
    Creature type - 'Fuck you mooooooom'
    Quote Originally Posted by Secretly.A.Bee View Post
    EDIT: Tsumi, you are silly.

  13. #993
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    I think I've come up with a card that kills Brainstorm's dominance for good, is fast and cheap enough to be maindeckable as a 4-of by any deck that doesn't want to run other cantrips/card draw (and thus not being a mandatory card like Mental Misstep):

    Relic of the Ancients
    Legendary Artifact
    Flash
    When Relic of the Ancients enters the battlefield, draw a card.
    Whenever a spell or an ability of a card not named Relic of the Ancients causes a player to draw a card, each of that player's opponents may draw a card.
    Being Legendary mainly prevents blow-outs in multiples, yet it's never dead because it still replaces itself when played. Since it's a colorless cantrip, it also helps the consistency of the decks that don't run card draw otherwise.

    Is this card ridiculous? Yes, but so are Brainstorm and company. Could cost and be uncounterable instead to be more balanced, but you get the point.

    Edit: Or to make it actually reasonable:

    Relic of the Ancients
    Legendary Artifact
    Relic of the Ancients can't be countered.
    When Relic of the Ancients enters the battlefield, draw a card.
    Whenever a spell or an ability of a card not named Relic of the Ancients causes a player to draw a card, each of that player's opponents may draw a card.
    Still good, but no immediate CA/Ancestral Recall potential. Also, more in line with Relic of Progenitus and friends.

  14. #994
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by [SLAYER]chaos View Post

    Flash Boil
    Sorcery
    Destroy target Island an opponent controls and target land you control
    Raze exists, nearly the same thing.


  15. #995
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Active Volcano is better.
    It is better to ask and look stupid then keep your mouth shut and remain so.
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    Fuck. Which one of my quotes do I drop for this?
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    Something about how fun it is pulling the wings off flies and microwaving the neighbors cat?

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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Dice_Box View Post
    Active Volcano is better.
    _______________________
    More Active Volcano
    Instant - Malice

    Destroy target Island.
    Sacrifice an Island.

    "Not exactly RUG material."
    _______________________

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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Goblin Flagbearer
    Creature - Goblin Soldier
    Goblin spells cost less to cast
    2/1

    Notes: There hasn't been any real power-creep with goblin creatures for quite some time. Meanwhile, other creatures have entered the meta: Deathrite Shaman, True-Name, Delver, etc. Goblin Flagbearer is essentially Goblin Warchief, but is 2/1 instead of 2/2, doesn't grant haste and makes all goblin spells cost less, even those cast by your opponent (this would really only be relevant in a mirror match). All this for two mana less. Goblin Flagbearer can attack into Deathrite, unlike Lackey. The point isn't to make Lackey obsolete, I just want to make another really good goblin 1-drop.

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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Wizards will never print a symetric creature, because 21 y/o children dislike them "how come mah goblin helpz the other goblinz?"

    Good design. I think there could be a boost in other colors, too. White for soldiers/knights, black for imps/thrulls, green for dryads/beasts, blue for homarids/drakes/leviathans or some other silly tribe. Nerf blue, improve other colors, introduce some interesting not often seen tribes to shake up things in less mainstream formats like Tribal Wars, all this in a Homelands/TSPblock setting with reasonable power level. Must be good.

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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Bed Decks Palyer View Post
    Wizards will never print a symetric creature, because 21 y/o children dislike them "how come mah goblin helpz the other goblinz?"

    Good design. I think there could be a boost in other colors, too. White for soldiers/knights, black for imps/thrulls, green for dryads/beasts, blue for homarids/drakes/leviathans or some other silly tribe. Nerf blue, improve other colors, introduce some interesting not often seen tribes to shake up things in less mainstream formats like Tribal Wars, all this in a Homelands/TSPblock setting with reasonable power level. Must be good.
    It would be cool if Slivers got even more love in a special product. Something similar to like Elvish Visionary or Silvergill Adept, something that allows Slivers to draw cards.

  20. #1000
    Hamburglar Hlelpler
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    There's that Sliver that gives all Slivers defender and "when this ETB draw a card" but you probably wanted one w/out the drawback right :P
    Actually now that I think about it that guy might be randomly OK with Hibernation Sliver (not in Legacy, just in a 'cards that do stuff together' way)
    Quote Originally Posted by Dissection View Post
    Creature type - 'Fuck you mooooooom'
    Quote Originally Posted by Secretly.A.Bee View Post
    EDIT: Tsumi, you are silly.

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