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Thread: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    Cruel Therapy

    Sorcery
    Choose a number. Target opponent then reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with converted mana cost equal to that number.
    And people bitch about Chalice, imagine the bitching about this.
    It is better to ask and look stupid then keep your mouth shut and remain so.
    Quote Originally Posted by Spam View Post
    Do not make fun of lands masters, they've spent many years mastering the punishing fire technique in the secret loam monastery. Do not mistake them with the miracles masters, eternal rivals, they won't like it.
    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    I hope your afterlife is filled with eternal torment.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dice_Box View Post
    Fuck. Which one of my quotes do I drop for this?
    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    Something about how fun it is pulling the wings off flies and microwaving the neighbors cat?

  2. #1802
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    I got two!

    Fight Bear
    GG
    Creature- Bear

    When Fight Bear enters the battlefield, Fight Bear fights target an opponent controls.

    2/3

    Or

    Super Fight Bear
    2GG
    Legendary Creature- Bear

    2G: Super Fight Bear fights target creature and opponent controls.

    5/5

    I want the first one more, but either would be amazing.
    "eggs... why'd it have to be eggs"

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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    Cruel Therapy

    Sorcery
    Choose a number. Target opponent then reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with converted mana cost equal to that number.
    This would be interesting if target opponent only had to select one card of the cmc to discard.

  4. #1804

    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Tittliewinks22 View Post
    Reasonable Brainstorm Counter - U
    Instant
    Until end of turn, whenever an opponent would draw a card other than the first card they draw in their draw step, you may draw a card.
    Yeah, that's reasonable with cards like Burning Inquiry or Winds of Change.

  5. #1805
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Dice_Box View Post
    And people bitch about Chalice, imagine the bitching about this.
    And I would savor the taste of their tears.

    In the long run a card like that would either force people to snap counter it, change their deckbuilding practices with regards to mana curve, or just cause them to straight up lose. When I first typed it up I forgot to include the nonland clause...

    Quote Originally Posted by ScottW View Post
    This would be weak and unplayable in Legacy if target opponent only had to select one card of the cmc to discard.
    That's what you meant to say, right? I understand where you're coming from, but this is an homage to Cabal Therapy, updated to punish people for greedy deckbuilding. Notice also that I removed the flashback. One of these days I'll think of something (more ruthless than Ravage anyway) to punish decks for using greedy manabases.

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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    And I would savor the taste of their tears.

    In the long run a card like that would either force people to snap counter it, change their deckbuilding practices with regards to mana curve, or just cause them to straight up lose. When I first typed it up I forgot to include the nonland clause...
    The issue is if your opponent has it in an opener you do lose. They play it, name 1, you discard your opening plays. They get to go to turn 2 without a worry. You have no options and have to move to turn two after they got to set up.
    It is better to ask and look stupid then keep your mouth shut and remain so.
    Quote Originally Posted by Spam View Post
    Do not make fun of lands masters, they've spent many years mastering the punishing fire technique in the secret loam monastery. Do not mistake them with the miracles masters, eternal rivals, they won't like it.
    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    I hope your afterlife is filled with eternal torment.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dice_Box View Post
    Fuck. Which one of my quotes do I drop for this?
    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    Something about how fun it is pulling the wings off flies and microwaving the neighbors cat?

  7. #1807
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by ScottW View Post
    This would be interesting if target opponent only had to select one card of the cmc to discard.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dice_Box View Post
    The issue is if your opponent has it in an opener you do lose. They play it, name 1, you discard your opening plays. They get to go to turn 2 without a worry. You have no options and have to move to turn two after they got to set up.
    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    Cruel Therapy

    Sorcery
    Choose a number. Target opponent then reveals their hand and discards all noncreature,nonland cards with converted mana cost equal to that number.
    How's that? Change it into a Duress-style version of Therapy.

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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    So it ignores DRS, yay, still single handedly destroys just about every other opening in the format. No Brainstorm, no Ponder, no Dark Ritual, Exploration, Gamble, Duress, Thoughtseize, Pithing Needle... So on.

    Decks it arse fucks with no effort:
    Turbo
    Miracles
    Storm
    Lands
    Infect
    Blade
    Delver (If they don't have a threat in hand)
    4c

    The only decks I see it doesn't just bend over are Elves and DnT. Good card in Elves.
    It is better to ask and look stupid then keep your mouth shut and remain so.
    Quote Originally Posted by Spam View Post
    Do not make fun of lands masters, they've spent many years mastering the punishing fire technique in the secret loam monastery. Do not mistake them with the miracles masters, eternal rivals, they won't like it.
    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    I hope your afterlife is filled with eternal torment.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dice_Box View Post
    Fuck. Which one of my quotes do I drop for this?
    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    Something about how fun it is pulling the wings off flies and microwaving the neighbors cat?

  9. #1809
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Dice_Box View Post
    So it ignores DRS, yay, still single handedly destroys just about every other opening in the format. No Brainstorm, no Ponder, no Dark Ritual, Exploration, Gamble, Duress, Thoughtseize, Pithing Needle... So on.

    Decks it arse fucks with no effort:
    Turbo
    Miracles
    Storm
    Lands
    Infect
    Blade
    Delver (If they don't have a threat in hand)
    4c

    The only decks I see it doesn't just bend over are Elves and DnT. Good card in Elves.
    Ok... how about this:

    Cruel Therapy

    Sorcery
    Choose a number. Each player reveals their hand and discards all cards with converted mana cost equal to that number.

    So there is no deck that can run it risk-free.

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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Sure. No deck runs Chalice risk free either, you fuck up yourself in deck building to run it. Don't make it a good card for the format writ large. I mean I like Chalice, I think it does some good work, but that doesn't take away the shitty situations it causes. This is the same.

    Personally I'd like to see it. Run a black Stax deck where most of the cards are cmc 3 and you can use it on 1 and 2 with impunity. Not a good deck, but enough of a dickhead thing to do it's in my wheelhouse.
    It is better to ask and look stupid then keep your mouth shut and remain so.
    Quote Originally Posted by Spam View Post
    Do not make fun of lands masters, they've spent many years mastering the punishing fire technique in the secret loam monastery. Do not mistake them with the miracles masters, eternal rivals, they won't like it.
    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    I hope your afterlife is filled with eternal torment.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dice_Box View Post
    Fuck. Which one of my quotes do I drop for this?
    Quote Originally Posted by DarthVicious View Post
    Something about how fun it is pulling the wings off flies and microwaving the neighbors cat?

  11. #1811
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Dice_Box View Post
    Sure. No deck runs Chalice risk free either, you fuck up yourself in deck building to run it. Don't make it a good card for the format writ large. I mean I like Chalice, I think it does some good work, but that doesn't take away the shitty situations it causes. This is the same.

    Personally I'd like to see it. Run a black Stax deck where most of the cards are cmc 3 and you can use it on 1 and 2 with impunity. Not a good deck, but enough of a dickhead thing to do it's in my wheelhouse.
    My thoughts exactly. The way you work with/around Chalice is in deckbuilding, and you get screwed by it if you don't. Just like this.

  12. #1812

    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    People say fetchlands are the real problem in legacy, facilitating crazily greedy manabases and breaking cards like brainstorm and deathrite shaman, while being not very sensitive to any nonbasic hate other than stifle. So, why not print more fetchland hate?

    Smite the Perverted W
    Instant
    Counter target spell or activated ability if life was paid to cast or activate it.

    Randomly also hits force of will and phyrexian mana spells. But not like they didn't have it coming.

    Wall of Suppression W
    Creature - Wall
    Defender
    Activated abilities cost 1 more to activate unless they’re mana abilities.
    0/4

    Spiked Force U
    Instant
    Gain control of target activated ability unless its controller pays 1. You may choose new targets for that ability if you gain control of it this way.

    This might be too powerful, but gaining control of an ability seems rarely that more powerful than changing a target (like Divert). Fetches and wasteland seem the most prominent exception.

    Barren Mindscapes BB
    Sorcery
    Target player reveals his or her hand and discards all land cards from it with activated abilities that aren’t mana abilities.

    Super hymn, but only if your manabase is too fetch-heavy.

    Rile the Paupers BB
    Sorcery
    Each player sacrifices a land that entered the battlefield since your last turn ended.

    Imitate H/R
    Instant
    Copy target instant spell or activated ability you don’t control. (You may not choose new targets for the copy.)

    There are not that many powerful instants and activated abilities around without a target or a target that doesn't matter much. There's brainstorm, predict, fetches... crop rotation? You can ruin the extraction part of a surgical?

    Practical Joke R
    Instant
    The next time target opponent would search his or her library this turn, you search that player’s library for a card instead and put it into his or her hand. Then that player shuffles his or her library.
    Scry 1, then fateseal 1.

    Frontier Strike G
    Instant
    Counter target activated ability from a land if you don’t control a nonbasic land.
    Draw a card.

    Primal Moon GG
    Enchantment
    Activated abilities of lands can’t be activated unless they’re mana abilities.

    Rootbind 1G
    Instant
    You may return a forest you control to its owner’s hand rather than pay Rootbind’s mana cost.
    Counter target activated ability.

    Sudden Crater RG
    Sorcery
    Split second
    Destroy target land if it has an activated ability that isn’t a mana ability.

    Quester's Moon R/GR/G
    Enchantment
    Nonbasic lands are Treasures (Colorless Treasure artifacts with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”).
    Tap three untapped creatures you control, discard three cards, pay 3 life: Take an extra turn after this one. Exile Quester’s Moon. Any player may activate this ability.

    Bottle of Doldrums 1
    Artifact
    Whenever you search your library, tap Bottle of Doldrums.
    T, Sacrifice Bottle of Doldrums: Players can’t search libraries this turn.

  13. #1813

    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    How about a land that is to protection what Detection Tower and Arcane Lighthouse were to Hexproof and Shroud.

  14. #1814
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Mad Mat View Post
    Practical Joke R
    Instant
    The next time target opponent would search his or her library this turn, you search that player’s library for a card instead and put it into his or her hand. Then that player shuffles his or her library.
    Scry 1, then fateseal 1.
    I think this is super flavorful, but you'd need to find a way to avoid purposely failing to find 100% of the time.
    Unless they're playing Demonic Tutor, you can just search for what they don't have then give up.
    Quote Originally Posted by GreatWhale View Post
    Gross, other formats. I puked in my mouth a little.

  15. #1815

    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by PirateKing View Post
    I think this is super flavorful, but you'd need to find a way to avoid purposely failing to find 100% of the time.
    Unless they're playing Demonic Tutor, you can just search for what they don't have then give up.
    You can't fail to find when there's no requirements, like he described. By using instead you're replacing the normal search for the joke search. Basically every search becomes demonic tutor.

  16. #1816
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    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by FourDogsinaHorseSuit View Post
    You can't fail to find when there's no requirements, like he described. By using instead you're replacing the normal search for the joke search. Basically every search becomes demonic tutor.
    Oh well then never mind. Solved the rules problem but ruined the flavor. It should have been still relevant what the search requirements were, so you still got a green creature with GSZ, just not the one you were hoping for. But if it's any card, then meh.
    Quote Originally Posted by GreatWhale View Post
    Gross, other formats. I puked in my mouth a little.

  17. #1817

    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by PirateKing View Post
    Oh well then never mind. Solved the rules problem but ruined the flavor. It should have been still relevant what the search requirements were, so you still got a green creature with GSZ, just not the one you were hoping for. But if it's any card, then meh.
    How does it ruin the flavor? Crack fetchland - Surprise, you found your swords to plowshares! etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by FourDogsinaHorseSuit View Post
    How about a land that is to protection what Detection Tower and Arcane Lighthouse were to Hexproof and Shroud.
    Killing Fields.
    Tap: colorless
    Tap: All creatures and opponents lose all protection abilities, and cannot gain protection abilities, until the end of combat this turn.

  18. #1818

    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by PirateKing View Post
    Oh well then never mind. Solved the rules problem but ruined the flavor. It should have been still relevant what the search requirements were, so you still got a green creature with GSZ, just not the one you were hoping for. But if it's any card, then meh.
    I think it's funnier this way, but it should be pointed out that "can't search at all" effects that replace themselves only cost two Mana so having one cost one isn't really that novel. But if you wanted it could be like "If an opponent would search for one or more cards you may search for those cards instead. Then, if you did not find any cards your opponent may search their library for those cards. Either way, your opponent shuffles their library." It's a little wordy but I'm pretty sure by changing a card to those (that) card you can carry over the restrictions of the original search. It's Magic, everything is an ad hoc Oracle ruling away. Then there's the second search clause so if you get cute and fail, then they'll search again. It doesn't really work against searches that could find multiple cards since finding one would prevent your opponent from finding two but meh. Corner case.

  19. #1819

    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Quote Originally Posted by PirateKing View Post
    Oh well then never mind. Solved the rules problem but ruined the flavor. It should have been still relevant what the search requirements were, so you still got a green creature with GSZ, just not the one you were hoping for. But if it's any card, then meh.
    There's a few clunky ways to do that (e.g. a library reveal like Guided Passage or a 'you lose the game' clause if you fail to find), but I don't like them very much. This way it's clean and actually does something relevant against fetches or other specific tutors like stoneforge mystic.


    I had a cycle of one-color filter lands once, and the black one hated on protection:

    Sheltering Dunes
    Land
    1, T: Add WW.
    All creatures get +0/+1.

    Foggy Crossing
    Land
    1, T: Add UU.
    Whenever a creature becomes a target of a spell or ability, counter that spell or ability unless its controller pays 1.

    Pit of Decay
    Land
    1, T: Add BB.
    All creatures lose and can’t have or gain protection. They can’t be regenerated.

    Circle of Passage
    Land
    1, T: Add RR.
    Damage can’t be prevented.

    Overgrown Battlefield
    Land
    1, T: Add GG.
    Players can’t cast spells or activate abilities during combat.

  20. #1820

    Re: Obligatory shitty card creation thread

    Wanted to make some cards that incentivized playing a tempo deck without Delver. Make standstill great again!

    Mercurial Drake U
    Creature - Drake
    Flying
    Sacrifice ~: counter target spell unless its controller pays .
    1/1
    Some might say its power is fleeting, others say it's creeping

    Flailing Scholar U
    Creature - Human Wizard
    Sacrifice ~: return target creature to its owner's hand.
    1/1
    His professors at the Academy predicted his expulsion

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