Cook’s Kitchen – Nerd Shame

[Rico Suave]

I've been playing Magic for 19 years.

The key to happiness in life is balance and moderation. Take some time to work and earn money - this money sustains yourself and fuels your hobbies. Take some time to take care of your responsibilities - pay your bills, shower, clean and organize your living area, spend time with family, etc. Take some time to socialize - it is good to be around other people, relaxing, having a good time, making memories. Take some time to enjoy your hobbies - in this case Magic, but don't focus on just one hobby either. Take some time to spend with your girlfriend - wait, you mean you don't have one? It's probably because you were neglecting one of the above mentioned areas, and you should balance and moderate where you spend your time better.

Don't spend too much time in one area. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy; if you don't take care of your responsibilities you end up sick or in jail; socializing will give you experience and make you much, much less awkward when the topic of MTG comes up; hobbies help to make you happy, but too much time makes it feel like a chore more than fun; and a girlfriend will love you, but if you spend too much time with her she will think you are clingy and that is bad news.

If you have balance and moderation of all aspects in your life, you will be happy. MTG is just one part of your life, and if people want to judge you for that then let them. Say "OK" and move on, because your time is more important than worrying about whether or not someone is going to make fun of you. Let them waste their time but do not waste yours because you have many things that require your attention if you want to maintain that balance and order in your life.

[dunk]

Rico Suave, you win the thread.

In all seriousness, excellent post.

[Fossil4182]

Probably the best article to come out of Cook's Kitchen. The article is honest and well thought out. One thing that I've found interesting about this game is the stigma most people associate with it. Thanks for writing about it.

[DragoFireheart]

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with your article. This little piece is pretty worrisome:

I guess the message I was trying to get across is that some people have “Nerd Shame”, be respectful of it. If that person doesn’t want you to expose them, just don’t. I’ve given my best advice on sharing your magical hobby with ladies, all based on past experiences, but then again…who’s the single guy?

- Why are you not only encouraging people to associate with those that have poor self-esteem about themselves in a negative manner but are also telling us that we should respect that same poor self-esteem? Fuck, why did you use the bar example? Some of the most ignorant and stupid people go to bars. Why should I have to hide myself when I go out in public? If someone is so ashamed to be themselves in a public setting and we are supposed to encourage that shame by hiding it, are we not also saying that the people shaming them are alright in doing so? Frankly, I find your advice to be horrible. We should not be encouraging others to hide their hobbies. We should be encouraging people to be open about themselves and SHAMING the people that are ignorant about those hobbies.

Here, let me put what you are saying into perspective:

I guess the message I was trying to get across is that some people have “Gay Shame”, be respectful of it. If that person doesn’t want you to expose them, just don’t. I’ve given my best advice on sharing your sexual orientation with people, all based on past experiences, but then again…who’s the single guy?

[kombatkiwi]

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with your article. This little piece is pretty worrisome:



- Why are you not only encouraging people to associate with those that have poor self-esteem about themselves in a negative manner but are also telling us that we should respect that same poor self-esteem? Fuck, why did you use the bar example? Some of the most ignorant and stupid people go to bars. Why should I have to hide myself when I go out in public? If someone is so ashamed to be themselves in a public setting and we are supposed to encourage that shame by hiding it, are we not also saying that the people shaming them are alright in doing so? Frankly, I find your advice to be horrible. We should not be encouraging others to hide their hobbies. We should be encouraging people to be open about themselves and SHAMING the people that are ignorant about those hobbies.

Here, let me put what you are saying into perspective:

Be careful - It's ok to believe that your friend's attitude is unnecessarily worrisome or paranoid, but this doesn't necessarily mean that it's fair to tell the world about it

To turn your ridiculous example on its head, imagine if you and a closet gay friend (but somehow you know, whatever) walked into a bar and you go around telling everybody his sexuality. In today's society there shouldn't really be any need for him to be uncomfortable about it but that doesn't necessarily mean that people won't stigmatize him or he won't feel bad.

"Hey! It's Okay to be gay! Don't make fun of my friend! You're the one with the problem!"

Yeah because that's going to make everything better

A similar mtg-based scenario is imaginable, if not as serious.

[DragoFireheart]

Be careful - It's ok to believe that your friend's attitude is unnecessarily worrisome or paranoid, but this doesn't necessarily mean that it's fair to tell the world about it

To turn your ridiculous example on its head, imagine if you and a closet gay friend (but somehow you know, whatever) walked into a bar and you go around telling everybody his sexuality. In today's society there shouldn't really be any need for him to be uncomfortable about it but that doesn't necessarily mean that people won't stigmatize him or he won't feel bad.

"Hey! It's Okay to be gay! Don't make fun of my friend! You're the one with the problem!"

Yeah because that's going to make everything better

A similar mtg-based scenario is imaginable, if not as serious.

- I understand what you are saying, but I also wasn't suggesting that MTG players go around parading the fact that they play a card game to everyone. Doing so, regardless of what it is, is pretty obnoxious.

It's a totally different manner when you feel shamed about talking about it in public at all in any setting short of a card store. If I go to a bar and me and a friend are having a conversation about MTG, there isn't anything wrong with that. As far as "cockblocking", she isn't worth your time if your hobby bothers her that much anyways.

[kombatkiwi]

- I understand what you are saying, but I also wasn't suggesting that MTG players go around parading the fact that they play a card game to everyone. Doing so, regardless of what it is, is pretty obnoxious.

It's a totally different manner when you feel shamed about talking about it in public at all in any setting short of a card store. If I go to a bar and me and a friend are having a conversation about MTG, there isn't anything wrong with that. As far as "cockblocking", she isn't worth your time if your hobby bothers her that much anyways.

I should have worded my post a bit better sorry, I put too much emphasis on the 'parading'.

What I was trying to say is that whether a person feels shame or not is largely independent of whether it's actually warranted. (Most people, depending on their relative level of confidence or how they want to be perceived would have different definitions of whether it's appropriate to feel 'nerd shame' in a particular social situation or not)

Therefore, seeing as 'nerd shame' is, by definition, an awkward and uncomfortable feeling, why would it ever be correct to risk aggravating it by bringing up the fact that your friend does nerdy stuff?

That's how I feel about it, anyway

[Mr.C]

Reminds me of a story an awesome cab driver from New Orleans told me while I was playing him in a day-before-the-GP grinder in Indianapolis this past March (I just so happened to be wearing my Deja Vu New Orleans shirt at the time, which was a cool coincidence). The gentleman's friends with another gentleman, a professional Magic player by the name of Tom Ross, who's also from Louisiana. A few years back, they were both in Honolulu for a Pro Tour; Tom I believe was playing his trademark archetype, Zoo. While waiting in a hotel lobby, they both encountered a very attractive woman, so Tom tried to hit it off with her. They actually ended up sitting down at a table together alone, and ended up having a nice fifteen minute or so chat. Eventually, the topic of, "What brings you to Hawaii?" came up; the woman said she was from Britain, and was in town for some modeling work. Tom then replied he was in Honolulu to play in a high-stakes fantasy card game tournament. Two minutes later, the cab driver looked over, and Tom was alone.

The point is, always tip your cab driver.

He should have said he was there for a high-stakes playing card tournament, and left it at that.