Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Make Dat Money: Top 4 with R/W Goblins

  1. #1

    Make Dat Money: Top 4 with R/W Goblins

    waddup. This is a true story.



    In case ya'll were unaware, goblins with Thalia is hot like a Chili Pepper in a bikini in Texas in July.



    I ran this spicy stromboli pile into a 10 man deathmatch at my local torture dungeon today.

    4 Goblin Lackey
    4 Goblin Matron
    4 Goblin Warchief
    4 Goblin Ringleader
    3 Thalia, Guardian of my Virginity
    2 Mogg War Marshall
    2 Krenko, Kneecap Annihilator
    2 Gempalm Incinerator
    1 Goblin Piledriver
    1 Goblin Chieftain
    1 Tuk-Tuk Scrapper
    1 Stingscourger

    3 Tarfizzle

    4 Cavern of Souls
    4 Wasteland
    4 Arid Mesa
    3 Wooded Foothills
    3 Bloodstained Mire
    1 Scalding Tarn
    2 Plateau
    3 Montagne (It's French, like a Royale with Cheese)

    SB:
    4 Rest in Peace
    3 Wear/Tear
    3 O-Ring
    3 Pyrokenisis
    2 Ethersworn Cannonist


    Pregame:
    Spent last night getting mad crunk with the boys. I'm a professional rapper, so you know how we do. Sleep 5 hours, but no hangover, so the mind's sharp like a month-old disposable razor. Chain smoke all morning and embrace the tar.

    Decided to play MUD the night before, so throw that together.
    An hour before go-time, audible to Welder MUD
    38 minutes before go-time, decide my beard isn't large enough, audible to Goblins

    Get there 20 minutes early, and no victims have arrived. Play the dark mysterious character and have a smoke in front of the tanning salon next door. Don't make eye contact with anyone who enters.


    *Note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent


    Match 1: Elves

    Game 1: Cold-chilling across the table from me is Chad, a local PTQ dude who is known for finishes with RUG diddles. Losing the die roll, I keep a gold-standard double Vial Wasteland Lackey Matron hand. He leads on basic forest, Deathrite Shaman, and I lose the game 3 turns later.

    This Chad guy is pretty swindly, so I decide to show no mercy and board correctly.
    - Thalia, Scrapper, and War Marshall
    + Pyrokenisis, Canonist

    Game 2 starts with me glaring into the dead eyes of an elves player, and knowing I will do what I must.

    Highlights: Getting a slow start, coughing several times, Dealing 9 damage with Piledriver over 3 turns, scratching my head, Spending 6 mana to cast Pyrokenisis, and getting my private parts violated by the Hoof.


    0-1


    Match 2: Welder MUD

    Another dude named Chad borrowed the MUD list I was going to play. But his beard was not large enough, and I vowed to make him pay for that indiscretion.

    Game 1 Highlights: Tarfire killing G-Weezy, Aether Vial activations, and Wasteland beating MUD for the first time in the history of the archetype.

    Beard, I mean board time. Time to get hot and heavy
    - War Marshalls and a Gempalm
    + Wear/Tear/Destroy

    Game 2 Highlights: Playing Thalia, Beating Wasteland/Crucible lock, out-witting him by telepathically forcing him to grab Wurmcoil instead of Blightsteel on 3 consecutive Forgemaster activations, 22 Goblin tokens. No kneecaps were spared that day.


    1-1


    Match 3: Dredge

    Saw I was paired against my homeboy Chad, who got paired down at 0-1-1 after masterfully going to time with Dredge. He decides my life is worth more than his, and bows down before his master by conceding.

    Game 1 Highlights: Playing a game of Yu-Gi-Oh with proxy decks from the 2005 meta.

    Too lazy to sideboard

    Game 2 Highlights: Another smoke in front of the tanning salon, urinating in a public restroom, staring off into the middle distance.


    2-1


    Match 4: Jund Homebrew

    A shop regular named Chad had his personal meatball.

    Game 1 Highlights: 3 Tarmogoyfs, a 5/5 Bloodhall Ooooooze, Goblin Piledriver chump blocking, Dark Confidant living a healthy life of 3 turn cycles.

    Had enough of this sideboarding garbage, start playing sloppy like the Joes you eat
    -Thalia
    +RIP

    Game 2 Highlights: Wastelanding red sources, Mogg War-Marshall and his friend dealing 10 damage to the opponent, Chad giving up like I knew he would.

    Game 3 Highlights: Yawning, a 9/9 Bloodhall Oooozzzzzzeeee, Krenko failing to break kneecaps, Ume Zume's Juttie Pootie resolving, Getting my Scrapper Thoughtseized, Remembering the US team playing futbol tonight, having no creatures in play.


    2-2



    Top 4: Elves Chad

    Match Summary: Mulliganing, Glaring into the soulless eyes of my opponent, flicking my cards hoping they'll become relevent, going to the swamp and getting Shreked turn 4ish both games.





    Conclusion:
    Walked away with $$$30$$$ store credit. That's how we do work.






    "Today was a good day" - Ice Cube

  2. #2

    Re: Make Dat Money: Top 4 with R/W Goblins

    Wow. Awesome report. I'm baffled.

  3. #3

    Re: Make Dat Money: Top 4 with R/W Goblins

    sounds ratchet

  4. #4

    Re: Make Dat Money: Top 4 with R/W Goblins

    This entire report put me on the floor. Sweet jesus, the dead eyes of an elf player LOL

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)