Gibbon it to the format: 7-2 with Zoo at GP New Jersey

[Richard Cheese]

The List


4 Tarmogoyf
4 Goblin Guide
4 Wild Nacatl
4 Experiment One
3 Ghor-Clan Rampager
2 Qasali Pridemage

3 Hidden Gibbons
2 Sylvan Library

2 Domri Rade

4 Lightning Bolt
4 Chain Lightning
3 Path to Exile
2 Volcanic Fallout

4 Wooded Foothills
2 Arid Mesa
2 Windswept Heath
3 Taiga
3 Plateau
2 Savannah
1 Forest
1 Mountain
1 Plains

SB:
2 Gaddock Teeg
1 Scavenging Ooze
1 Green Sun's Zenith
2 Rest in Peace
3 Thalia, Guardian of Thraben
2 Sulfuric Vortex
2 Krosan Grip
1 Qasali Pridemage
1 Ancient Grudge


Wat?
My wife is from upstate NY and we both went to college there. We have a bunch of friends and family in the NYC area so the GP was really just an excuse to finally go visit everyone. With only about a week to go before we left, I wasn't really crazy about the format, and considered not even registering at all. I decided the swag was at least worth the $50 though, so I bit the bullet and decided to play. I was looking for something else in my bulk green uncommons/rares and saw my playset of Gibbons and thought they might be pretty rad in a meta full of decks built around Delver, so I jammed some games and decided on a list in about 3 days. It looks like a pile of shit, and it probably is.

The Event
Everything started out great. We were staying with family about an hour away, so by the time I drove to the site, grabbed friends from their hotel, parked, waited in that huge line for a deck-reg sheet and filled it out, it was time for the player meeting. By the time my list got picked up, my guts were finally trying to get revenge on me for the gastronomic assault I'd been waging on them all week in NYC. The only toilet that didn't have 60 people in line was the row of porta-johns out front. They were actually really clean at that point, so I thought I'd stumbled onto a gold mine, until I got a reminder of the physics involved in dropping something into liquid from two feet up.

My ass got covered in blue liquid and I'm pretty sure I got Hepatitis-C. After furiously going through about 200 yards of 1-ply, I sulked back into the Expo Center pissed off and grossed out, but at least relieved in time for the tournament.


Round 1 - Miracles
He wins game 1, then keeps a bad hand in game 2 and is dead within 5 turns. Game 3 his Counterbalance does him no favors without Top, and I double bolt him for the win before he can stabilize.
1-0



Round 2 - Elves
I have nothing against Elves except hoping for an early Fallout, which I don't get.
1-1



Round 3 - Burn
Hidden Gibbons > Burn.
2-1



Round 4 - Deathblade
Game 1 he had enough removal and got there with Jitte on TNN. Game 2 I just need to answer a goddamn Batterskull that's barely keeping him in the game against my 5/6 Goyfs, but I never find any artifact removal. Guess that's what I get for not playing Blue.
2-2



Round 5 - Deathblade
My notes suck, but I think I just conceded to Jitte/Batterskull in Game 1. Game 2 for some reason he doesn't want to lose both his Deathrites and only blocks one Guide, which put him in bolt range. I had a bolt. Game 3 I had a fast start with Nacatl and Guide. He started to stabilize, but at 6 life tapped his Deathrite to Swords Nacatl before damage without blocking first, and I had Bloodrush for the unblocked Guide. You can't counter Bloodrush.
3-2



Round 6 - Show and Tell
This guy dropped some of my cards in his lap while attempting to shuffle. Good thing I had to mulligan and decided to pile shuffle, because it turns out one was on the floor with a goddamn shoe print on it already. Guy was super apologetic though and it was just a Goblin Guide, so I let it slide.

Game 1 he makes spaghetti everywhere and wins at 3 life. Game 2 he taps two Volcanics and a Petal to make a turn 2 Blood Moon. He forgets that Pridemage swings for 3 per turn, and that he's against a deck full of bolts, and dies before he ever finds a blue source. Game 3 I get a fast start, and after revealing Sneak Attack with Guide, drop Gaddock Teeg. He then attempts to cast said Sneak Attack through said Teeg. Apparently he got distracted when the guy next to him took his pen and thought it was a Pridemage. He had Force in hand the whole time.
4-2



Round 7 - UR Delver
Game 1 he has two Delvers that never flip, while my guys are naturally beefy. Game 2 he flips Delver and gets there after I play Thalia into Daze after telling myself not to play Thalia into Daze. Game 3 I hit the ground running and have him at 10 by turn 2. He gets Young Peezy and makes a token, but I Path the Pyromancer and Bloodrush over his token to put him at 1. He was able to burn out my last Guide on the next combat, but had to expose two Gibbons to do so. He could not find 8 points of burn by my next turn.
5-2



Round 8 - Dredge
Game 1 after Careful Study and two Breakthroughs the only creature in his yard is a single Ichorid, and my Goyfs are 6/7s. Game 2 he does dredge things so I scoop. He arranges his graveyard in a shitty way and I get kinda pissed. Game 3 he Therapies himself to pitch Grave Troll. Turn 2 I drop RiP and he immediately scoops. Then he got super salty about his luck and how he'd lost a bunch of game 1s that day.
6-2



Round 9 - Burn
My Gibbons were once again revealed. 2-0.
7-2



Concession
At this point, I considered the logistics of changing my flight and getting back to LaGuardia on my own, and it just didn't seem worth it given the number of players and the prize structure, so I gave my opponent the win. He was a nice guy, wasn't playing poorly, wasn't running Delver, and wasn't a salty sourpuss about losing, so it seemed like the best time to bow out. Turns out it was his first shot at day 2 and he was super greatful to keep playing. It would have been my first day 2 as well, but I'm just not that competitive. I'll take a smug sense of self-righteousness over 6 more rounds of Magic any day.

I waited for everyone else to finish and we took my friend's beat to shit Pathfinder on a grand adventure over curbs and across many lanes of traffic to White Castle, where an angry old woman took our order with a Jersey accent so thick I felt like I'd been verbally assaulted afterwards.

Final Thoughts
Honestly the deck was just ok. I won several matches I shouldn't have, but I think it's actually got a shot in the meta again now that nobody is running 4x Swords, 4x Snapcaster anymore. It's still stupid fast, and one of the more consistent non-blue decks, since all the pieces are interchangeable.

Props to Rampager, Gibbons, dumb luck, the Pathfinder, and having 24 creatures in a format where 4x Bolt is a removal suite. Also to RiP for coming through for me even though I really wanted it to be Containment Priest. Also NYC for having phenomenal food everywhere you turn. I think I spent over $2k and gained 10lbs in a week, and have absolutely no regrets.

Slops to Experiment One for being a shitty 2/2 80% of the time. Hope you enjoyed your 15 minutes, because your translucent ass is getting cut. And to White Castle. That shit is gross, even when you're exhausted and starving at midnight.




Hmm, one other thing...what was it...mmm...oh yeah. Gibbons.

[Megadeus]

Best fucking report ever. I have no idea why I love zoo so much, but this was awesome. And the Tom goes to the mayor pic killed me. Looks like I need some unplayable dual lands again.

[.dk]

Props to Day 2ing with Zoo! Sorta. Sweet report - was exactly what I was hoping to read. :)

And don't say I didn't warn you that White Castle wasn't good before we went there

[H]

Easily the report of the year, no question. Congrats on the finish too.

Also NYC for having phenomenal food everywhere you turn. I think I spent over $2k and gained 10lbs in a week, and have absolutely no regrets.

Every time I've gone back, I engorge myself on real pizza and Italian food. Hands down the best.

And to White Castle. That shit is gross, even when you're exhausted and starving at midnight.

Absolute fact. Next time you go, you're going to do it again though, no doubt. Did you get a vanilla shake? If not, you literally missed the best thing on the menu. Formula for a good white castle visit is [(gross burgers) + (sub par fries)] * (vanilla shake) = (gas > days).

[eq.firemind]

Monkey rush yer face, goddamit!
Holy crap, I still can't believe how can there be so much WIN!!! in a card fucking game report.

[Benrobnu]

Best thing I've ever read. Foil gibbons incoming.

[maharis]

Hidden Gibbons vs. Delver seems hilarious. Kind of a bummer vs. Elves & D&T, is that why you only played 3?

Also just realized you can't Disenchant Gibbons. Nice. Cool deck.

[The_Dingo]

Awesome! I think I'll be jumping on the monkey bandwagon for my next weekly.

[Richard Cheese]

Hidden Gibbons vs. Delver seems hilarious. Kind of a bummer vs. Elves & D&T, is that why you only played 3?

Also just realized you can't Disenchant Gibbons. Nice. Cool deck.

Yeah only 3 because there are definitely matches where it's dead, and because you can't draw it off Domri. It's also not a dude and it's not burn, so it's not really something you want to draw into a lot in topdeck mode.

It's a very strange card, because it's not aggressive, but it's played agressively, and enables more aggressive play...if that makes sense. You basically want it right after you have some board presence, Nacatl or Guide ideally. You then drop your second land, Gibbons, and now you get to play all your other guys into Daze. It also forces people to use their spot removal early, which makes Bloodrush a lot better.

I actually nearly changed them out for Hooting Mandrills a day or two before we left, but after jamming a few games I felt like Mandrills wasn't as easy to cast as I hoped, and more often than not they just clogged up my hand.

[heathen]

Awesome report! This line is a classic: "I'll take a smug sense of self-righteousness over 6 more rounds of Magic any day."

[Mirrislegend]

Suggested replacement for Experiment One?

[Admiral_Arzar]

Suggested replacement for Experiment One?

My guess would be 3x Grim Lavamancer and an additional burn spell or Sylvan Library. I have also been disappointed by EXP1 in recent Zoo experimentation (I even played Vexing Devil to pump him up - that guy is also bad).

[ajfennewald]

Suggested replacement for Experiment One?

kird ape because apes

[Bed Decks Palyer]

Much thanks for very nice report.

[Richard Cheese]

Suggested replacement for Experiment One?

There are a lot of options that are probably better. To be super simple and not change the curve, you could run 4 Kird Ape. Or you could run the other two Pridemages, which seems pretty good right now with UWR coming back, plus two of something else, KotR or Hooting Mandrills or Kird Apes or Lavamancers.

I'm also thinking of cutting Domri, mostly because I borrowed them, partially because I only saw him once all day where he didn't get countered and he just died to True Name. In theory I like him a lot though, draw and removal all in one package.

[HoneyT]

Excellent report and it was nice meeting you!

[nedleeds]

normally the story starts with white castle and ends with explosive diarhea ... in this case it was the opposite, would read again

[Richard Cheese]

If anyone is interested in further reading about my bowel movements, follow me @bristolscale.

[nedleeds]

I've considered having the bristol scale chart made into a playmat.

[Richard Cheese]

I've considered having the bristol scale chart made into a playmat.

So you can rate each match/opponent based on it!?