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Thread: Baking a Blue Ribbon Cake in Baltimore

  1. #1
    Bob Ross
    Kap'n Cook's Avatar
    Join Date

    Jun 2012

    West Coast


    Baking a Blue Ribbon Cake in Baltimore

    A Tale of Blood Mooning Bitches into Fucking Barrels (trademarked by Nedleeds

    Our story begins long before the actual events of this Starcity Baltimore. Wizards, for some moronic reason, thought that printing another ancestral recall was a glorious idea. Now you could draw half your deck by turn 4! Lightning Bolts everywhere! Gitaxian probes, pyromancers, treasure cruises as far as the eye could see! If you couldnít prove you werenít a treasure cruise wielding douchebag, by God you were a Communist, er, Blue player.
    Somehow, the stars aligned for the first time in thousands of years and cruise was actually banned. All the glorious black dual land decks suddenly re-emerged just asking for a giant blood moon to crash the party.

    Anyways, it was time to play some paper magic again. Similar to most events I end up playing in, I found out about it only 24 hours before it was going on. I grabbed my trusty deck full of shitty creatures, card disadvantage, and situational blue hate cards and made the trek down to Bodymore Sunday morning. I knew that RG Lands has an extremely large presence in the area as well as Bug decks so I was definitely feeling confident going into it. Somehow Iíve only ever had one Koth through all these years so I had to go buy a second from the booths to finish up my list. I decided to take from Lejayís mono-red list heís been running with three Koths in his board for miracles. Here is what I sleeved up:

    Strawberry Shortcake

    4 Ancient Tomb
    3 City of Traitors
    2 Plateau
    1 Great Furnace
    2 Wooded Foothills
    3 Bloodstained Mire
    4 Mountain

    4 Imperial Recruiter
    4 Painterís Servant
    3 Goblin Welder
    2 Simian Spirit Guide
    1 Jaya Ballard Task Mage
    1 Magus of the Moon
    1 Phyrexian Revoker

    4 Blood Moon
    4 Grindstone
    3 Lotus Petal
    2 Senseiís Divining Top
    2 Ensnaring Bridge
    1 Engineered Explosives

    4 Pyroblast
    3 Red Elemental Blast
    2 Enlightened Tutor

    4 Firebolt
    2 Koth of the Hammer
    1 Duergar Hedge-Mage
    1 Enlightened Tutor
    1 Ensnaring Bridge
    1 Tormodís Crypt
    1 Rest in Peace
    1 Thorn of Amethyst
    1 Trinisphere
    1 Ethersworn Canonist
    1 Sphere of Law (Fuck Burn)

    More or less the same build as the pre-cruise meta, with a few changes based on preference such as explosives over ratchet bomb, wear/tear bear over manic vandal and putting the 7th blast main for all the communists I was sure to encounter. Sphere of Law really could be any other hate card, I just didnít want to lose to Burn in the early rounds if I did end up facing it.

    My opponents were all nice and none were actually bitches like my title implied. That still didnít prevent them from getting blood mooned into barrels. 230 players and we are off. 9 rounds.

    Round 1 vs 12-post

    I walk over to the seating and recognize the player across from me. I know that he plays in West Chester, PA where Iím from, I just donít know what deck he will be on. Played bug nic-fit the one time I played him, but his sigh and dejected look when he saw he was playing me made me assume some deck full of delicious nonbasic lands.

    Game 1: I win the roll and believe I keep something with a tutor and ability to play moon turn 2 if need be. I lay a grindstone turn 1, but my suspicions are confirmed when my opponent starts dropping cloudposts and tropical islands. So no combo for me this game. Unfortunately I only have a goblin welder and other small creatures to slowly plink away at his life total for a while. I keep the beatdown going while he finds an island and an expedition map. I counter a repeal on magus to prevent crazy mana ramping from happening. I make a mistake by being too cautious and not attacking with a goblin welder one turn so that I could weld out my grindstone for a lotus petal and counter a show and tell if need be. That one damage ends up mattering in the end. Although to be fair I screwed up again a few turns later. The expedition map found a forest, which brought out a green sunned primeval titan. In my hand I have a spare grindstone I never played and a blast with four lands in play and a lotus petal in the yard. Had I fully been thinking through lines, I should have just ditched the grindstone for the petal and played the other way earlier so that I could recruit and play painter and blast all in the same turn. Lo and behold my next draw is a recruiter. Now I canít blast the titan away and swing for lethal, so I put him to 1 and keep painter and blast in my hand for next turn. What could go wrong?! I get an ugin dropped on me which wipes out all my colored permanents. Titan swing grabs glimmerposts gaining ten life and I canít recover.

    Great way to start the day. Failed to Barrel.

    SB: out 4 grindstone, 1 explosives, 1 welder in: 2 koth, hedge mage, bridge, tutor, 1 firebolt

    Game 2: Iím pretty sure I keep an absolutely terrible hand on the mull of like 4 lands and 2 painters. Not really sure why I kept but Iím assuming it was because I didnít want to go landless on a mull to 5. Anyways, I tomb out a painter turn 1 to get the impressive beatdown plan started. Like mana sent from heaven, I draw a top on my next turn and spin to see a friendly magus staring back. I drop that next turn ready to ping away for 3 a turn. However, I spin again and see a Big Daddy Koth waiting for me. So new plan, swing for 7 damage the next turn. Koth and dorks quickly win game two.

    Barrel Count: 1

    Game 3: This one starts out a little bit grindier with a moon dropped turn 3 or 4 or something. My opponent drops 2 phyrexian revokers naming goblin welder and senseiís top, which clears the way for the Big Daddy in my hand. Goblin Welder and Painter stay back on defense while I rumble for 4 with an ancient tomb. Two turns later I ultimate and clear away revokers and ping the remaining life away.


    Barrel Count: 2

    Round 2 vs Miracles

    I walk over to the table and see another familiar face from when I used to live in the DC area. We had played before at Xanadu when he would usually play Junk/Rock build, but this time I found out it would be the most hated deck of all time.
    Game 1: I keep another land heavy hand with a painter and I think goblin welder for spells (maybe a blast that nabbed a counterbalance I donít remember). I donít really do anything beyond plinking away with welder. Jace bounces it and it then gets forced on the way back down. Like a lucksack (aka skill) I draw a grindstone the next turn while all of his white sources are tapped and I have six mana available to go for the combo kill in one turn with three lands leftover in my hand, aka no way in hell I was winning that game if my combo attempt failed.

    SB: out tutor, 2 petal in: 2 koth, 1 hedgemage

    Game 2: I open up a hand of moon, blast, double mountain, tomb koth, something else. I have the option of going for moon turn two but chose to wait as he kept open counterspell mana. He spends his turn 3 not doing anything again, so I definitely assume counterspell now. Luckily the lands in play are an island and two duals so I drop moon and blast the counterspell. Koth rumbles next turn and ultimates two turns later. I pretend Iím the sniper in Saving Private Ryan (minus the tank) and go to town with my mountains dealing five then six damage to end it.


    Barrel Count: 3

    Two Koth ultimates in two rounds. Not too shabby.

    Round 3 vs Dark Maverick

    Game 1: I keep another mana heavy hand of double tomb, city, mountain, painter, ssg, blast. Iíll keep this hand nearly all the time as it provides belcher and turn 1 protection. For some reason though I got the vibe of a fair matchup. I led tomb go hoping that it would draw a wasteland. Horizon canopy into mother of runes for my opponent. I dropped the other ancient tomb without doing anything again, hoping to confuse and draw something like a tutor or stone so I could combo all in one turn. Iím only drawing mana and the turn before I draw grindstone my opponent green sunís for pridemage and never taps his last mana. I canít win through that and I lose.

    SB: in:4 firebolts, hedgemage,bridge out: welder, petal, ee, 2 reb, something

    Game 2: I mull a hand of two tutor, two firebolt, furnace tomb tomb into a hand of something like mana recruiter and a blast. I only end up drawing more lands and get the painter I fetched up thoughtseized away. I really was never in any of these games.


    Round 4 vs ANT

    Game 1: Feeling slightly dejected from getting destroyed so badly last round, I get some relief as I open a turn 1 blood moon hand on the play. My opponent also mulliganed so Iím hoping to get a nice free game right here. I drop it but unfortunately for me they lead on a basic swamp. Dafuq? Am I playing against Pox or the worlds luckiest storm player. Turns out to be the latter and the turn before I could set up a painter on blue with a blast at the ready I get past in flamesd.

    SB: Out: Jaya, 2 bridge, 2 moon. In: crypt, thorn, canonist, 3sphere, tutor.

    Game 2: I think I mulligan a nolander into a decent hand of canonist, painter, welder, fetch, mountain, land. I go turn one welder and pray that I donít die. The best possible scenario plays out here. He fetches up a swamp and duresses me. These arenít the noncreatures youíre looking forÖ Anyways I drop the canonist the following turn and start to do my best death and taxes impression. I play the painter the following turn and start leaving my welder untapped so that I can bring canonist back into play if it should get decayed. This continues for the next five turns or so, where my opponent either passes or cantrips. Iím only drawing lands and getting concerned. I lose painter to a decay but draw another and play it. I try to keep the pressure going but itís still been so long and Iím nervous. I attack and put him to two when end step he chain of vaporís my canonist. My heart sinks as I wait for him to kill me the next turn. Somehow he doesnít and I draw a grindstone finally to win and play around some form of creature removal on my last two creatures.

    Game 3: I mulligan again and keep another okay hand of 2 top, magus, painter, tomb, land. Not sure of exact sequencing, but his first two turns involved fetching island and swamp and duressing one of the two tops. I dropped a painter and had luckily drawn a blast right after he duressed. Now I had the protection I needed if he chose to go off. Nothing yet, I top eot and see grindstone and my fourth mana source. Come my turn I tap top to draw both and lay them out there. Iím a little hesitant since he has gemstone mine and swamp untapped repping decay, which in that case Iím screwed either way and will likely die on his next turn if he wants to combo. I think that Iíll wait for his upkeep after grindstone resolves, but my decision is made easy when he brainstorms off mine in response. I combo out.


    Round 5 vs Team America

    This against another West Chester guy. Iím not sure what heís on but when he says something like Ďthis will be quickí I know heís probably on some nonbasic/bug deck.

    Game 1 I win the roll and keep fetch, petal, blast, tomb, tutor x2, ee. Great hand vs an expected blood moonable deck. I lead fetch petal go and he plays a delver off a sea. Well that answers my question. I tutor up a blood moon, drop it next turn with no response from him and clean up the flipped delver with ee the turn after.

    Barrel Count:4

    SB: out 2 tutor, reb maybe a second one, ee in: 4 firebolt, 1 bridge

    Game 2: Another pretty quick game. In the first two turns I play Welder, Painter, Grindstone all with daze protection in a petal. Not much he can do about that.


    Round 6: Shardless Bug

    We get deckchecked. Luckily Mapson is sitting right next to me so I get to watch him play against Rug. Sadly he ends up falling. I decide to blood moon my opponent to avenge it. My opponent starts on basic forest into sea into Bob. I decide that Moon is still probably a good idea and tutor it up. I spend the next couple turns getting buried in card advantage but luckily no other basic shows up. I blast a few deathrites and hide under a bridge. The game is still going long, I have ton of lands in play, and have a top that keeps showing lands. At some point he finds basic island and swamp and starts casting tons of stuff. Heís drawn so many cards that he has been discarding to hand size for a while. When he kills the moon and bridge and its not looking pretty, I use a fetchland that had been a mountain a second earlier looking for stone. Donít see it there. Draw for my turn, look at the third card down and I see the stone there. Draw it, opp brainstorms, and concedes. Find out no force maindeck. Nice.

    Barrel Count:5

    SB: out 2 petal, 1 tutor, ee, something in: bridge, 4 firebolt

    Game 2: Iím not sure exactly what happened, but the game clearly ended very quick. Life totals ended at 16 and 18, so I assume a quick combo happened.


    Round 7 vs ANT

    Game 1: I lose the roll and double gitaxian probe is the start across from me. My hand isnít that great against storm, but Iím able to drop a magus and start clocking, but lock up the etutor in my hand in the process. He cabal therapies the tutor leaving me a blast, and yet again Iím only dropping lands. I get him to 11 when he ad nauseums. Goes down to 4 and passes the turn so Iím still in it somehow. I draw yet another land and Magus gets in there for another 2. So last turn now. He brainstorms, I blast. He brainstorms again and thinks for a bit before saying he screwed up and scoops. Nice.
    I guess he got barreled?

    SB: Same as above

    Game 2: Pretty solid hand against storm: Revoker, trini, blast, recruiter, moon, furnace, city. Keep. He leads on Sea into therapy naming chalice of the void. Interesting name as Iíve never seen any painter decks run that. Channeling my skill I draw a simian spirit guide and decide that Trinisphere is the play even though Iíll only get one more city use. Afterwards he tells me that he was about to go off. I decide on the revoker over moon turn two to start a clock. I name petal so that he canít effectively decay and since I assume Iíll be able to draw lands for moon in a bit. That doesnít really happen for a long long time. At 5 life, he goes for it. Iím sitting at 19 from a fetch. He rituals up, tutors for past in flames and then looks at storm, mana, available spells and realizes he is one short. Scoops em.


    Round 8 vs Team America
    Win and in time. I see the standings and Iím in something like 6th. Iím up against Bob Marshall, who I know is on TA. Iíve played him once at Tales of Adventure when we were both 7-0 or something playing for seeding in top 8, but he stomped me with hymns.
    Game 1: He opens on Deathrite and a bob. I can go for an unprotected moon turn two but choose to top and see another sol land and simian waiting there. Perfect as I have the blast ready for force, can pay for two dazes, and heís tapped out so no decay. Moon happens, recruiter hollers at jaya, and a bridge seals it up.

    Barrel Count:6

    Game 2: I debate this keep for a while: Tomb x2, City, Moon x2, Bridge, Firebolt. I have two chances for a red to start dropping haymakers. It doesnít happen until itís too late and I get stomped.

    Game 3: I mull to 6 and keep welder, stone, recruiter, tomb, mountain, blast. Solid hand for a mull. Welder go, and I drop recruiter turn 2 for painter. I donít really have time to durdle around as bobs will drown me in card advantage. Rec resolves so I set up for great turn 3 position. I play painter, resolves, and name blue. I then choose to blast the deathrite so that I can use welder to swap painter and grindstone into the yard then back again when stone likely gets countered. Deathrite dies and then the stone gets forced. Iím feeling good about my chances here since if he taps out at all I win. I also think that if he leaves only one mana up Iíll be fine too (he had murderous cut). He ponders on his turn and finds a pithing needle and names stone. Iím seriously fucked here. I only have Jaya in my hand so Iíll be all in on that. My next two draws are grindstones, Jaya dies so I lose.


    I fully believe that my chances for top 8 are over. I sit there and watch some other matches. A friend finishes up his match and sits at 6-1-1 for a win and in next round. Another has top 8 locked as he dredged his way to the top and can draw in. I was also a little annoyed that there were three lands players all sitting near me for multiple rounds and somehow they all managed to dodge me.

    Pairings and standings go up and I notice that Iím in 10th or 11th with the top breakers of the X-2s so I think I might actually have a chance. I get paired up against Rudy who I know plays Shardless Bug

    Round 9 vs Shardless Bug

    Game 1: Lady luck is on my side again. I keep a hand of painter, grindstone, moon, fast mana, city, recruiter,x. Go for the turn 1 barrel! No dice, force of will stops the shenanigans. I donít draw a land and I play painter on black on my turn. I donít remember exactly what happens on his side, but I draw a tomb for my third turn, play stone off city. Resolves, so I drop tomb and combo.

    SB: same as above

    Game 2: A slow start for both of us. I go for a moon on turn three with a blast but he has the floated decay. When he taps out I am able to play recruiter and play magus all in the same turn. A few more turns go by and I have two welders in play that can continuously swap a painter and great furnace to fog his goyf. Another painter makes it easier and only need one welder, which is fortuitous since a jitte had just been played. I draw a grindstone and it doesnít end up mattering.

    Barrel Count:7

    So at this point I end up 7-2 and watch Andrew Shrout dredge like crazy next to me to also finish at 7-2. I ask him if he thinks we can make it, and he says maybe only one x-2. My match finished rather quickly so I have to sit there for 30 minutes and wait. I watch my friend piloting Deadguy for top 8 slowly lose to lands. Only if we were switched maybe we both would have made it.

    Finally the round ends. Top 8 announcement. First place at 25 points. Second place at 24 points. Third through seven all have 22 points. They then stop and say 21 points goes from 8-15. Oh shit. I could be in. 8th place is me, with breakers only 2 or 3 percentage points better than 9th.

    I look at the top 8 and realize that I have a pretty good shot to win it if I can just make it through the elves player in the quarters.

    Round 10 vs Elves

    Game 1: On the draw for the entire top 8. I look at grindstone, painter, mountain, city, blast, recruiter, land. Well canít ask for a better hand really. Or can I? I take it for now. Grindstone turn 1. Painter blue with blast ready turn 2. He starts going off. Lots of visionary and wirewood shenanigans. No Norder or Glimpse yet though. I keep waiting. Finally he gets down to one card in hand and its that damn craterhoof. I blast the shit out of it and win on my turn.

    SB: draw out 5 moons in canonist, 4 firebolt, play in 5 moons out top bridge shave some other stuff

    Game 2 I keep another turn 3 combo plus he mulls all the way down to 5 on the play. Tutor, fetch, stone, recruiter, tomb two other random cards. Turn one fetch go. Eot I tutor and grab painter and play both turn two. He is able to cradle out a green sunned rec sage to kill the painter so now I have a dilemma since he also has the symbiote to keep bouncing. I decide I need to play welder out to possibly get the painter back and use a second e tutor to get another grindstone for a kill all in one turn. It ends up not mattering as he natural orders me on his next turn. Some mull to five.

    Game 3: I decide Iím going to outplay him for this game and call upon my skill to guide me: Painter, stone, moon, magus, recruiter, city x2. Turn two kill. Boom


    Somehow the lands players dodged me yet again and ended up on the other side of the bracket. My dredge friend ends up losing to the dark maverick player I faced earlier in the day.

    Round 11: Dark Maverick Rematch

    Game 1: He starts with lots of mana dorks and pridemages, the first of which kills a useless grindstone while I have a second in my hand. Awesome. I start attempting to stabilize under an ensnaring bridge and blood moon despite manadorks, but a noble heirarch and its zero power foil my plan somewhat. A jitte ends up wiping out two welders of mine. EE tried saving the day killing a stoneforge, jitte, and forced activation on pridemage, but I was too low on life and a sigarda finished me off.

    SB: Same as above

    Game 2: Turn 1 lil innocent welder go for me. He fetches up a plains and passes. I swing with Welder on my turn and I can tell by his hesitation he is debating swordsing it. He lets it go. I drop blood moon. His turn is spent playing stoneforge and grabbing Batterskull. Nice. A jitte in that situation would have been a real problem. My next turn I drop land number 3, stone, and a petal. He untaps and just says go, leaving his wasteland mountain and plains untapped. I sac the petal and two lands and mill myself: recruiter, pyroÖland, painter. He has this one chance to swords the welder or else I will hold that plains hostage for the rest of the game. I untap and end my turn. He activates stoneforge, I welder priority game him.

    Barrel Count:8

    Game 3: My hand is definitely solid for a matchup like this. Recruiter, moon, mountain, tomb, painter, blast, mountain. He starts on bayou deathrite. Okay nice I donít have a fetchland that will fuel the yard. Mountain go for me. He untaps and swings with deathrite for 1. Definitely looking good for me. He drops a dryad arbor and passes. Okay now I donít even have to worry about decay. Moon comes down and itís basically game over. He has no access to colored mana, I drop Painter next turn with blast at the ready. I go get Jaya and lock up the game that way.

    Barrel Count:9


    Just one more match to go now and just my luck, the other side of the semifinals was a RG Lands mirror!

    Round 12 vs RG Lands

    This was against David Long who is on an absolute tear with RG Lands. Top 8s of so many large East coast legacy tournaments. I played him once before in the top 8 of SCG Somerset about six months ago. Luckily for him, he dodged me all the way until the finals this time.

    Game 1: On the draw I keep a turn two moon hand that has tutor fetch and tomb also. He starts on exploration. I lay fetch and he passes to his turn. I look at his lands and notice that the only way I lose this game is if I go for Blood Moon and he crop rotates in response and makes a Lage. With this in mind I tutor up bridge and drop moon next turn to lock it up.

    Barrel Count:10

    SB: out 2 welder, 2 top, 2 reb, in: sphere of law, bridge, koth, tutor, crypt, rip

    Game 2: I look at a turn 1 moon hand and figure I have to keep it. He plays out some lands, I drop moon. He plays a sphere of resistance and my hand doesnít have anything else really so I play a simian spirit guide turn 4 to start beating down. He had gambled 3 times already for what I assume was basic forest, loam, and seismic assault. He dredges over one assault but has a second and plays it. I etutor off a lotus petal and grab revoker and name assault. From here I draw lands for the next eight turns and revoker goes the distance. He misses on all fires, krosan grips, etc. I ended the game with about 11 lands in play. Really weird and anticlimactic game but Iíll take it for the W.


    Final Barrel Count:11

    So there you go. Lands couldnít hide forever. I somehow managed to take my weird little Shortcake concoction and inconsistent stompy deck to another large top 8. I guess the recipe for success is lose to Bob Marshall at some point as it means Iíll win the whole thing. Blood Moon reigned supreme, although having a nice lucky streak helps too. Any questions and Iíll gladly answer them but I hope everyone enjoyed this lengthy read. Special thanks to Nedleeds (even though I donít know you) for a baller saying for Blood Mooning dumb blue decks and nonbasics. I'll worry about editing shit tomorrow. But enjoy for now.
    Last edited by Kap'n Cook; 07-07-2016 at 07:10 AM.
    Strawberry Shortcake

    What a brainstorm do? Draw card and activate on draw effects fix hand, removing woods

  2. #2

    Join Date

    Jun 2012



    Re: Baking a Blue Ribbon Cake in Baltimore

    Congratulations and thank you for the report! It's a shame that SCG doesn't stream these Legacy side-events anymore. If you would have played against DnT or Omnitell, what would your sideboard strategies have been?
    Last edited by Avez; 03-04-2015 at 05:05 PM.

  3. #3

    Re: Baking a Blue Ribbon Cake in Baltimore

    Congrats!, great read

  4. #4
    Bob Ross
    Kap'n Cook's Avatar
    Join Date

    Jun 2012

    West Coast


    Re: Baking a Blue Ribbon Cake in Baltimore

    Quote Originally Posted by Avez View Post
    Congratulations and thank you for the report! It's a shame that SCG doesn't stream these Legacy side-events anymore. If you would have played against DnT or Omnitell, what would your sideboard strategies have been?
    Probably bring in the burn and third bridge for some moons a welder and other low impact stuff. Omnitell is more straightforward i usually drop moons, ee, revoker, and some grindstones for koths, 3 storm hate, etutor, hedge mage and a miser crypt for comboing
    Strawberry Shortcake

    What a brainstorm do? Draw card and activate on draw effects fix hand, removing woods

  5. #5
    The green Ancestral
    ESG's Avatar
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    Mar 2010

    Seattle, WA


    Re: Baking a Blue Ribbon Cake in Baltimore

    You've been repping that deck for a long time. It's nice to see it pay off with a big win. Fun report, too.

  6. #6

    Re: Baking a Blue Ribbon Cake in Baltimore

    Awesome read. Keep mooning em!
    I refuse to play without tuck. Tuck you, RC.

  7. #7
    get outta here, humanity.
    iamajellydonut's Avatar
    Join Date

    Jun 2009



    Re: Baking a Blue Ribbon Cake in Baltimore

    Quote Originally Posted by ESG View Post
    You've been repping that deck for a long time. It's nice to see it pay off with a big win. Fun report, too.
    It paid off for him a while back, too. Didn't it? At least I remember him writing another silly report.

    p.s. Grats, mang.

  8. #8
    Bob Ross
    Kap'n Cook's Avatar
    Join Date

    Jun 2012

    West Coast


    Re: Baking a Blue Ribbon Cake in Baltimore

    Thanks homies. There can never be enough reports about trolling all the blue decks of the world.
    Strawberry Shortcake

    What a brainstorm do? Draw card and activate on draw effects fix hand, removing woods

  9. #9
    Site Contributor
    Stevestamopz's Avatar
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    Oct 2014

    Melbourne, Australia.


    Re: Baking a Blue Ribbon Cake in Baltimore

    Man, this was such a great read.


  10. #10
    Morcrux's Avatar
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    Apr 2015

    Oslo, Norway


    Re: Baking a Blue Ribbon Cake in Baltimore

    Another awesome read from Sensei Shortcake. Congrats with 1st place!
    Last edited by Morcrux; 04-02-2015 at 09:34 AM.

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