Niv Mizzet’s Machine Guns

From time to time Wizards prints cards that obsolete older cards. It doesn’t happen often. They’re quite good at managing power creep. But, sometimes, they go too far. People typically only notice when they print something like Emrakul or Grislebrand, which single-handedly wreck entire formats. But, it’s not just the flashy stuff that is overpowered. No, sometimes they just quietly slip a knife into the ribs of an older card and let it crawl off to die in the shadows, where no one can see.

<
This would be sad if it wasn’t for the fact that poor, old, Flying Men had already been rendered obsolete by other, prior printings. Oh well, at least there’s Human Tribal!

For example, take a look at Thermo-Alchemist. This is the cheapest of the “Machine Gunner” cards. If an individual card is the species, then “Machine Gunner” is the Genus to which Thermo-Alchemist belongs. This, in turn, belongs to the Family of “Pingers,” aggressive creatures which tap to deal damage.

The “Machine Gun” genus is set apart from other pingers because each one has a way to untap and continue to lob shots at the target repeatedly in a single turn. Prior examples involve Gelectrode and some red three-drop Elemental from Lowryn block that I am too tired to look up at the moment, and others. Guttersnipe, counts in this Genus as well, since dealing damage when you cast spells is more or less the same thing that you’re accomplishing with your usual gunners.


Keep your card catalogs properly organized, kids.

The neat thing about Thermo-Alchemist is that he obsoletes all that came before him. In brewing casual machine-gun style decks, I always had a problem with the fact that all gunners start at 3 mana. That means you are already getting slammed by your opponent’s 2 drops or have exhausted your 1-mana removal spells and dig spells in the early game before you even get a gunner online. That’s no fun. I mean, sure, you have Granger Guildmage at one mana, but he’s not a machine gun; he’s just the best creature to wear a Basilisk Collar that no one has ever heard of.

Thermo changes all of this. As a 2-drop, he comes down early enough to start getting business done. Finally, we have the possibility of a terrible, terrible Storm deck that might sometimes get working early enough to matter.

Even so, you can’t build a deck just on Thermo. I figure you need at least 12 slots dedicated to gunners if you want to make this work. All the rest of the Genus cost 3 mana, so mana cost will not be a consideration. The next best candidate is probably Guttersnipe. It has the drawback of not being able to ping unless you’re casting spells, but if you actually start to storm out, Snipe will deal a much more damage than anything else. Since we are making kind of an all-in deck, I think we need the speed this offers.

Our next choices are basically Geletrode or that crappy Elemental. Here, Geletrode should get the nod because it can hit creatures, something none of our other gunners can accomplish. Between Gelectrode’s ability to nuke x/1 creatures and Thermo’s ability to tank up to 2/xs, you’ve got at least some ability to survive faster, more aggressive decks.


You’re on the team, boys. Good job!

So, the next question is what to include that will allow our gunners to reload. The traditional card for this purpose is Cerulean Wisps. Why? Because The Stack. You cast Wisps targeting a tapped Thermo. Thermo’s ability goes on the stack and resolves, untapping him. You can then tap him, with Wisps still on the stack, so that when Wisps finally resolves, it untaps him a second time while you draw your card. Essentially, wisps turns into “Shock your opponent and draw a card,” which is kind of what we’re going for here exactly. Four of it is!

Next, we need ways to ensure we never run out of gas. Flashback cards, specifically. Better yet if they help us deal with creatures, since our own dorks are really tiny. There’s two sweet cards here: Lava Dart, which gives you 2 damage and 2 spells for 1 mana and a mountain, and Flame Jab, which turns late game lands into more gas. Dart is awesome and deserves a 4 slot, but we only ever want to see a single Jab, so I think 2 is appropriate.

Alright, so how are we going to truly go bonkers here? We can only have so many cards in our hand. Enter: Curiosity. Along with Sigil of Sleep, this is probably one of the most spectacular examples of the sweet things that happen when Wizards leaves “combat” out of effects that trigger upon “combat damage.” Any of your gunners with a Curiosity is a disaster for your opponent and leads to lethal turns very quickly.

To round out the deck, I like some removal and a potential combo finish. Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind goes infinite with Curiosity, so that’s an easy top end. Since you have so few answers for artifacts, enchantments, or better decks, it’s nice to have an “Oops I win” condition lurking somewhere in the 60. From there, you probably want at least a little disruption to keep your creatures safe and slow down your opponent. This could be anything, but let’s call it Rune Snag because that’s what is on top of my box.

Niv-Mizzet’s Machine Guns

Creatures (14)

4 Thermo-Alchemist
4 Gelectrode
4 Guttersnipe
2 Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind


Ammo (15)

4 Cerulean Wisps
4 Lava Dart
2 Flame Jab
3 Faithless Looting
3 Peer Through Depths

The latter two inclusions round out the list with cards that can occasionally get you unstuck if you find yourself without gas. Looting is cool because it works with our Retrace/Flashback/Rune Snag cards, and itself in multiples.

Other Crap (8)

4 Curiosity
4 Rune Snag


Lands (22)

2 Sandstone Needle
2 Saprazzan Skerry
4 Shivan Reef
7 Island
7 Mountain

The Masques lands are here because sometimes you don’t have a Thermo in your opener. If that’s the case, you still need a way to resolve a second-turn gunner, and these fit the bill.


You could modify this build somewhat to include cards that get bigger when you cast spells, like Wee Dragonauts or Kiln Fiend or something, or just something that is big after you’ve stormed out like Spellheart Chimera. But, then, you wouldn’t be pure to the Machine Gun Code.