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Thread: Contaminated Stockpile

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    Contaminated Stockpile



    Greetings!

    This thread is for the development of a Legacy viable token deck able to use Contamination as a win condition on a favorable board. Contamination will prevent most decks from playing any of their cards for the remainder of the game in spite of them having developed into multiple basic lands. This deck is basically a token aggro deck that goes wide with a variety of token producers and uses sac outlets or lock pieces to leverage said producers. In recent years Wizards has gifted us with Retrofitter Foundry that combos with Stockpile and Contamination in numerous ways.

    The result of this experiment is a Legacy deck that is very difficult to interact with because:
    -It contains maindeck tutorable lock pieces that tend to be very difficult to deal with outside of counterspells;
    -It uses graveyard recursion to a degree that could warrant GY-hate from an opponent but does not rely on it;
    -It is an aggro deck that goes wide but does not care about targeted removal;
    -It has a huge surprise factor

    The list:

    CMC 1
    3 Retrofitter Foundry
    3 Thoughtseize
    4 Cabal Therapy
    4 Faithless Looting
    4 Swords to Plowshares

    CMC 2
    4 Bloodghast
    4 Hidden Stockpile
    2 Bitterblossom

    CMC 3
    4 Lingering Souls
    2 Daretti, Ingenious Iconoclast

    Tutor Package
    2 Enlightened Tutor
    1 Nihil Spellbomb
    1 Goblin Bombardment
    1 Contamination
    1 Humility

    Lands
    1 Undiscovered Paradise
    4 Marsh Flats
    4 Bloodstained Mire
    2 Arid Mesa
    3 Scrubland
    2 Badlands
    2 Swamp
    1 Plains
    1 Mountain

    Sideboard
    2 Plague Engineer
    2 Fatal Push
    2 Pyroblast
    2 Surgical Extraction
    1 Tormod's Crypt
    1 Pithing Needle
    1 Damping Sphere
    1 Umezawa's Jitte
    1 Ensnaring Bridge
    1 Seal of Cleansing
    1 Intangible Virtue


    The graveyard recursion package of Bloodghast, Faithless Looting, Cabal Therapy and Lingering Souls was borrowed from Zombardment and grants numerous disposable bodies, great selection and strong disruption that pairs nicely with Thoughtseize.

    Bitterblossom acts as Stockpile #5-6.

    Daretti, Ingenious Iconoclast is a valuable upgrade to Bitterblossom granted by the red splash. Being able to remove any Artifact or Creature repetitively by sacrificing any of the tokens granted by Foundry, Stockpile, or himself can be extremely powerful. The life loss incurred by Blossom on top of Thoughtseize and fetchlands is a hazard that cant be overlooked when building a deck with inherently slow clock speed that requires sacrifice fodders.

    There is a strong Enlightened Tutor package that makes Contamination more accessible while also offering a toolbox of silver bullets be it from the main or side. Having access to multiple copies of Stockpile is also a great way to produce an insurmountable board presence.

    Goblin Bombardment is how you protect Bloodghast from exile removal and lock out other swarm decks. Bombardment is invaluable in any control matchup when presenting lose-lose board states.

    Humility as a CMC 4 white enchantment is extremely difficult to remove. This card is so powerful against creatures, both faith and unfair, that it has to be dealt with by our opponent for them to have a chance to win with creatures. Humility also buffs Defender tokens by allowing them to attack and Bloodghasts by allowing them to block. Unlike Grave Pact, Humility requires no conditions to shut down your opponent's board and offers no window for creature abilities to resolve. Between Humility and Contamination, there is no shortage of inevitability.

    Intangible Virtue is your go-to card in order to gain some resilience against
    Wrenn and Six, Plague Engineer, and other -1/-1 effects that could potentially prevent us from developping our board. Virtue is also solid as a standalone buffer card for any board we can quickly muster.

    SB Map (10/01/2020):

    AGGRO

    UR/Grixis/Temur Delver
    -3 TS -4 Therapy -1 Nihil -1 Bomb
    +2 Plague +2 Push +2 Pyro +1 Jitte +1 Bridge +1 Virtue

    DnT
    -3 TS -4 Therapy -1 Nihil -1 Conta
    +2 Plague +2 Push +1 Needle +1 Jitte +1 Bridge +1 Seal +1 Virtue

    Eldrazi
    -3 TS -4 Therapy -1 Nihil
    +2 Plague +2 Push +1 Jitte +1 Bridge +1 Seal +1 Virtue

    Burn
    -2 Daretti -2 Blossom -1 Humility
    +2 Push +1 Jitte +1 Seal +1 Virtue

    CONTROL

    Miracles/Grixis/4-5c
    -4 StP
    +2 Pyro +1 Needle +1 Seal/Virtue

    Lands
    -3 TS -4 Therapy
    +2 Surgical +1 Tormod +1 Needle +1 Bridge +1 Seal +1 Virtue

    COMBO

    Storm
    -4 StP -2 Daretti -1 Bomb -1 Humility
    +2 Plague +2 Surgical +2 Pyro +1 Tormod +1 Sphere

    SnT
    -4 StP -1 Nihil -1 Bomb
    +2 Surgical +2 Pyro +1 Needle +1 Bridge +1 Seal

    Depths
    -2 Daretti -1 Nihil -1 Conta
    +2 Plague +1 Needle +1 Bridge

    Dredge
    -3 TS -4 Therapy -1 Conta
    +2 Surgical +2 Pyro +1 Tormod +1 Bridge +1 Seal +1 Virtue

    Elves
    -2 Daretti -1 Nihil -1 Conta
    +2 Plague +2 Push +1 Sphere +1 Jitte
    Last edited by Qweerios; 01-10-2020 at 02:52 PM.
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  2. #2

    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    Quote Originally Posted by Laser Brains View Post
    With the printing of Gigantosaurus, Thrashing Brontodon and Steel Leaf Champion the deck has evolved from good to very competitive. Anyway, give it a few play tests if you are interested and let me know what you think.

    Winter Maze
    Quote Originally Posted by CptHaddock View Post
    With veteran explorer I know that I 100% will not enjoy a 30 minute grindfest against someone who can barely afford dual lands and believes that their deck can cast a 10 mana 8/8.

  3. #3
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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    Quote Originally Posted by kinda View Post
    Yes I've seen it. I've also seen Hidden Stockpile for the first time in that mtggoldfish decktech from a japanese player.

    I was originaly developing a Breya Opposition deck which quickly became an Esper Opposition deck with Quiet Speculation and Saheeli, Sublime Artificer. Then it became this list that issues:
    Strix for Ghast,
    Force for Thoughtseize,
    Ponder for Looting,
    Brainstorm for more lands and Foundry,
    Saheeli for Dareti, and
    Opposition for Contamination and Bombardment.

    Cutting the blue core for a red splash meant a better manabase (operates on basics more easily) and better lock pieces that have more impact and don't die to Pyroblast. The overall synergy was better with Ghast, Therapy, Stockpile and Bombardment than it was with Strix, Saheeli and the cantrips with Forces.

    Going forward the only question that for me remains to be tested about the mainboard is if I'd rather have a 4th Foundry or a 3rd Daretti. The sideboard is the biggest piece of work left to be done along with additional testing.
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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    Isn't Nether Spirit better than one of the Bloodghasts? It doesn't need lands to jump out of the graveyard, feeding contamination every turn.

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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    Quote Originally Posted by pettdan View Post
    Isn't Nether Spirit better than one of the Bloodghasts? It doesn't need lands to jump out of the graveyard, feeding contamination every turn.
    But Nether Spirit is worse with the 3 other Bloodghasts, because then it can never jump out of the graveyard (or you would need Landfall to return the Ghasts anyway).

    Deck needs more Contamination and less Retrofitter.

    Daretti seems strong. The other deck runs 3 copies.

    1-of Humility ftLulz

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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    Quote Originally Posted by FTW View Post
    But Nether Spirit is worse with the 3 other Bloodghasts, because then it can never jump out of the graveyard (or you would need Landfall to return the Ghasts anyway).
    Well, spirit only gets stuck in the graveyard if the bloodghasts also do, so spirit isn't actually worse in that scenario, I think.

    1-of Humility ftLulz
    Humility seems very good in this deck, with E Tutors and loads of 1/1s. Edit: ah, it's already there..

    Another card I recently was considering is Suppression Field. It can really punish planeswalker-heavy decks, I think. If you can fit it with some Bitterblossoms perhaps that could be a powerful way to attack the meta.

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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    scroll of fate seems like a good include to recur 2/2's

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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    @FTW
    I agree that a 3rd Daretti would be better than 4 Foundry. Curving out Stockpile into Daretti is pretty powerful. Drawing Foundry in multiples is not something you want early on.

    As much as I like Contamination, multiples are clunky and the card requires a huge setup to be powerful. I preffer having it availlable as an EoT tutor target with proper timing.

    @Pettdan
    Suppression Field probably affects us more than them...

    On unrelated news I am working on a SB and I am leaning heavily on a combination of 4 main Plowshares/Push with 2 more copies in the SB. Push is easier on the manabase (basic Swamp) against all the Delver and aggro/Wastelans decks of the format and can be cast under Contamination. StP requires an early white source and gives life but will exile cards like Marrit Lage and Elesh Norn in a pinch. Exile is relevant against Plague Engineer (can't KCommand).

    4 Push main 2 StP side?
    2 Push, 2 StP main and 2 Push side?
    4 StP main 2 Push side?
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  9. #9

    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    The Nether Spirit idea is interesting
    Perhaps you could cut the additional bloodghasts for some Entomb then, which is ok with Therapy as well, and then you could even play Sevinne's Reclamation (not sure if I'm spelling that correctly but the commander white sorcery with flashback that's like unearth any permanent) to get back your contamination / stockpile etc

  10. #10
    bruizar
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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    This is really cool but I have one question. Why is hidden stockpile better than bitterblossom or dreadhorde invasion? Is it just for Retrofitter Foundry? Not criticizing, trying to learn.

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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    Quote Originally Posted by bruizar View Post
    This is really cool but I have one question. Why is hidden stockpile better than bitterblossom or dreadhorde invasion? Is it just for Retrofitter Foundry? Not criticizing, trying to learn.
    Combos with Retrofitter and Daretti and doesn't lose life, probably enough to be better here. Dreadhorde doesn't accumulate creatures (doesn't go wide).

    That said... you still need 2 cards to achieve nearly the same as Bitterblossom (1 token each turn), so I am not sure either...

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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    Some cards that could be good here:

    Zealous Persecution
    Tidehollow Sculler
    Buried Alive


    I think ZP is likely better than Intangible Virtue (but I do see the ETutors which make it more powerful as a singleton) as a way to close out games, but also deal with multiple x/1's. It also makes combat math really challenging for opponents. Goblin Bombardment already makes small creature decks massively favored for you but ZP has other uses (True Name, Empty the Warrens tokens, clears blockers while speeding up your clock.)

    Tidehollow Sculler is modern tech that doubles as a threat and disruption. You can do tricks with Stockpile/Bombardment while it's on the stack so the card they exile stays exiled. Unearth would be really cool synergy, but way too deep and off the main strategy.

    Buried Alive would be for Bloodghast combos. You could BA for 3x Bloodghast, play a fetchland, sac them all to for 3 tokens/3 damage, crack your fetch to get them back, attack for 9 if you have them at 10 or less, or just sac them all again for 3 more tokens/3 more damage. Your list is tight already, so I don't know if this kind of trick is worth including. The only way you could reliably to it would be to probably drop the Faithless Lootings, which seems incorrect (to say the least.) If the modern format has taught us anything it's that Looting is such a powerful card in the right deck, and this seems like a perfect place for it.
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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    Quote Originally Posted by bruizar View Post
    This is really cool but I have one question. Why is hidden stockpile better than bitterblossom or dreadhorde invasion? Is it just for Retrofitter Foundry? Not criticizing, trying to learn.
    Bitterblossom has no immediate impact and the life loss is really what makes it less appealing than Daretti and Foundry. Stockpile presents a token the turn it comes into play and has a sac outlet to protect Ghast from StP/Terminus. Stockpile also work better with Daretti. Stockpile in multuples is nuts, Blossoms not so much in a passive deck.

    There is nothing wrong with playing a few Blossoms though. I have a lot of testing to do and I will likely test 1-2 copies.

    @MrSafety

    The problem with sculler is that even when you do fancy tricks with it you end up paying 2+ mana for targeted discard. In a deck with Cabal Therapy there is a huge gap between CMC1 and CMC2 information.

    Virtue is there to make tokens resistant to W6, Plague, and other -1/-1 static abilities or wipe. Persecution is time-dependant and SB card at best. Given how the meta has adapted to W6, I see much less x/1s than before.

    I would rather Entomb than Buried Alive to be honest. Faster and more flexible. I thought about including uo to 2 copies but I couldnt find the space for it without cutting into my removal discard slots.

    Thanks for all the suggestions though. I appreciate the thoughts!
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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    Quote Originally Posted by Qweerios View Post
    I would rather Entomb than Buried Alive to be honest. Faster and more flexible. I thought about including uo to 2 copies but I couldnt find the space for it without cutting into my removal discard slots.

    Thanks for all the suggestions though. I appreciate the thoughts!
    Entomb is faster and more flexible, but is much less powerful. Both cost you a card, one nets you a 2 card advantage (3 Bloodghasts) the other nets you only a 1-for-1 (1 Bloodghast/Cabal Therapy/Lingering Souls/Faithless Looting.) Yes it toolboxes, but those aren't cards I would want to tutor up; I'd want to just draw them naturally and get the natural card advantage they provide. At the most I think I would play 1x Buried Alive, it's just a way to super-charge Bloodghast interactions. It seems that all of your interactions get much better with Bloodghast, so it only makes sense that more free Bloodghasts = more value. Looking at your list, I wouldn't want to ever play a game without at least 1 Bloodghast available.

    On the other hand, Entomb does provide some pretty cool 'combos' that you can leverage, like singleton Bridge from Below that can make all of your Bloodghast sacrifice triggers pump out 2/2's.

    I can't help but think Cabal Therapist would be super fun, but it's weaker than just playing Therapy.
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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    This deck looks sweet--I'm gonna have to run back your exact list soon!

    Makes sense to only play one Contamination as a tutor target, since Astrolabe is so common and can make that card look so bad... leaves me wondering if there's a black-white only version of the deck leveraging Karn, the Great Creator and some number of Sol Lands (especially since there are many nice artifact synergies possible here too).

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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    Quote Originally Posted by shonenkakumei View Post
    This deck looks sweet--I'm gonna have to run back your exact list soon!

    Makes sense to only play one Contamination as a tutor target, since Astrolabe is so common and can make that card look so bad... leaves me wondering if there's a black-white only version of the deck leveraging Karn, the Great Creator and some number of Sol Lands (especially since there are many nice artifact synergies possible here too).
    A single Blood Moon in the SB plays the same role as Contamination in some matchups while requiring less setup and it allows us to cast every spell in the deck via the Basic land suite.

    The problem I see with sol lands is reaching BW on T2 for Stockpile or BB for double discard. There are also numerous cards that are instrumental to the deck that cost life such as Thoughtseize and now Bitterblossom. Also, I don't think this deck can function without Faithless Looting. The single Bombardment is an important target (especially for Ghast hands) and Daretti adds an extra layer of clunk for our opponents to deal with while also being an absolute killer removal spell when combined with Stockpile or Foundry.

    I did more testing with the deck and updated the primer accordingly.

    Now that W6 is banned I think that Blossom will be a good metagame card once again with the resurgence of control decks. Blossom helps diversify token types and acts as Stockpile #5-6. Drawing multiples is unlikely and when it happens there is usually a Looting available. Intangible Virtue loses most of its appeal mainboard and I replaced it with a much needed Jitte. Between 4 TS and 2 Blossoms, a Jitte is often all you need to seal the deal.

    I opted for 4 Plowshares instead of Push because I expect to see Gurmag Angler and Reality Smasher again. I also need to be able to exile Plague Engineer now that I've ditched Virtue.

    While Foundry is fantastic in the deck, it tends to be slow and using multiples only happens in the late game. The card adds so much versatility to the deck though and definitely has merit. I tested with 2,3 and 4 copies and 2-3 is the right number. In a version that plays multiples Contamination I would definitely play more Foundry given that it is a great enabler for an on-curve Contamination.

    If BUG and Grixis control decks become more popular, this deck can easily grind them out. With Pyroblasts out of the board to handle Oko and Jace, the sheer amount of token producers in this deck is insurmountable for most control decks.
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  17. #17
    bruizar
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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    I am currently running Daretti and Arcum's Astrolabe together and I like the interaction with the -1. In this deck, it also circumvents your own Contamination. Did you consider this?

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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    Quote Originally Posted by bruizar View Post
    I am currently running Daretti and Arcum's Astrolabe together and I like the interaction with the -1. In this deck, it also circumvents your own Contamination. Did you consider this?
    I considered it in my Breya Contamination pile and couldn't find space for it with between the Looting/Ghast/Flashback package and ETutor package. Without Breya they only work with Daretti and when a Contamination is already on board. What do you suggest?
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  19. #19
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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    I finally got around to play this deck in a weekly tournament. The deck was a blast and I got to play some really interesting games. I played my list in the opening post with the following SB:

    2 Surgical Extraction
    2 Fatal Push
    2 Pyroblast
    2 Liliana of the Veil
    2 Nihil Spellbomb
    1 Damping Sphere (Storm, Elves, Post)
    1 Ensnaring Bridge
    1 Seal of Cleansing
    1 Intangible Virtue
    1 Blood Moon


    R1 0-2 vs. GWb Maverick (on the draw)

    Wasteland cuts me off land #3 in G1 and 2 Wastelands cut me off red mana and 3drops/Humility G2.
    Out: 2 TS, 4 Therapy, 1 Contamination
    In: 2 Push, 2 Lili, 1 Bridge, 1 Seal, 1 Virtue

    R2 2-0 vs. Aggro Loam (on the draw)

    G1 I power through his PFire with Blossom, Stockpile, and Daretti
    G2 I open with Foundry, Blossom, Stockpile and Daretti into Bloodghast but he has a Deed and Surgical Extraction for Ghast. I set up Contamination but he has a Toxic Deluge to remove it. Daretti eventually wins the topdeck mode after I Surgical his Loam.

    Out: 4 TS, 4 Therapy, 1 Jitte
    In: 2 Surgical, 2 Push, 2 Nihil, 1 Seal, 1 Virtue, 1 Moon

    R3 2-0 vs. Dredge (on the draw)

    G1 he has a slow start and slams Hogaak but I have Plowshares, Stockpile for the Bridges, and Humility to prevent him from going nuts. He scoops when I slam the second Stockpile.
    G2 he has a mull to 5 for T1 Study with LED but doesn't find another Dredger and scoops to my Spellbomb.

    Out: 4 TS, 4 Therapy, 1 Contamination
    In: 2 Surgical, 2 Pyro, 2 Nihil, 1 Bridge, 1 Seal, 1 Virtue

    R4 2-0 vs. Punishing Maverick (on the draw)

    G1 he tries to clock me out with Batterskull, an active Jitte and 2 Knights while my life ticks with Blossom and Stockpile. Bombardment and Souls gets in there for lethal when I reach 1 life.
    G2 I overwhelm him with lock pieces (Bridge, Daretti, Lili, Stockpile, Bombardment and Ghast) and he can't punch through.

    Out: 4 TS, 4 Therapy, -1 Contamination
    In: 2 Surgical, 2 Push, 2 Nihil, 1 Bridge, 1 Seal, 1 Virtue

    Ended up 3-1 which was enough to cash in. Not too bad for a first run against 2 Punishing Fire decks, Plague Engineers, and losing all the die rolls. Going forward I'd like to implement the following changes:

    -A basic Mountain seems necessary even though I don't play many red spells. In several games I wish I could have fetched for a Mountain and develop a Waste-proof manabase. Red mana is important to Flashback Lootings in longer games. This is even more important if I intend on bringing in a pair of Pyroblasts against Delver decks. I am thinking of simply replacing either Plateau, a Badlands, or a Scrubland for it.

    -4 Thoughtseize is pretty heavy on the life loss, especially combined with Blossom so I was thinking of cutting down to 2-3 copies and move them to the SB.

    -A 3rd Foundry would be a good addition considering that it is the easiest way to enable Stockpile every turn. It does a lot of lifting for the deck in general by foging attackers while making tokens at the same time.

    -A mainboard Nihil Spellbomb might also be a good idea. It is a good way to deal with GY combo decks G1 with ETutors and will also manage Loam and PFire. Spellbomb on its own is just a versatile cantrip that enables Revolt.

    Other observations:

    -While Daretti was very good, the fact that his tokens can't attack (without Humility) and that his -6 doesn't win games limits him to a source of repeatable removal. This type of effect is really strong against Creature and Artifact heavy decks but don't offer much against Control decks and Combo decks. Perhaps this card would be better in the SB given how narrow it is.

    -I tend to only go for Jitte when I need life or can't generate tokens every turn (rare). Charging a Jitte past a Mom or Thalia is difficult. I usually just go for either Bombardment, Humility, or postboard Bridge in the matchups where Jitte shines. Jitte is also a narrower card in general compared to Bombardment and Humility. Maybe Jitte is better in the SB after all.

    -Contamination was sided out almost every game. The card isn't worth setting up against decks with mana dorks, Moxes, and Astrolabes. I will definitely keep it as a singleton for the tutor package.

    -Cabal Therapist looks like a good SB consideration against Combo decks. It acts as a lockpiece given that the effect is repeatable and will eventually punch through Veil. It might be too slow (delayed Therapy) and narrow (non-GY Combos) though.
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  20. #20
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    Re: Contaminated Stockpile

    I updated the opening post with the last list I played. My last weekly (first of 2020) went well with a 3-1 finish. I lost 1-2 to a NO RUG deck with Oko. The games were tight and I missplayed G1 that allowed him a Progenitus in play. I then proceeded to beat Enchantress 2-0, Stoneblade 2-0, and Bant(with Pyroblast) SnoKo 2-0. I beat enchantress G1 with a random Humility and locked them out G2 with a T3 Contamination lock. Stoneblade and Miracles tend to struggle against all my token producers if they fail to protect BSK, Jitte, TNN or Mentor.

    Throughout the entire weekly StP was dead weight in every matchup. I thought about trimming on them but I decided not to because of how inherently good our Control matchup is, how Faithless Looting can recycle dead cards, and most importantly how easy it is to lose to a T1 Delver or an unanswered Young Pyro or Arcanist.

    Undiscovered Paradise surprised me as I knew about its Landfall capabilities but didn't see it as a Revolt enabler as well. Perhaps I will go up to 2 copies.

    Overall I am satisfied with the Thoughtseize cut from 4 to 3 and the inclusion of a 3rd Foundry. I originally tested with 4 Foundry and it was simply too many. The card is amazing to have in every game but it requires a lot of mana to be useful in multiples. As spicy as Daretti is, he's the most likely card to be cut. The fact that the tokens he generate have no relevant typing for Foundry, can't attack, and that his ultimate does virtually nothing makes him underwhelming against Control and Combo decks in general. Daretti tends to be only relevant against midrange aggro decks or artifact-heavy decks where his -1 can be used multiple times. In most instances I think I would prefer a card like Angrath's Rampage to deal with an Oko, a T1 Chalice, a Marrit Lage or any fast creature.

    Oko in general can be troublesome for us to deal with especially during G1 where we have no Pithing Needle. I am not 100% certain on how Oko interacts with Humility but if it is with time stamps then humility does not prevent Oko from making a superior board. I thought about including an Engineered Explosive to deal with Oko and TNN but I figured I would rarely want to use the card outside of CMC 1 and 3 given the propensity of this deck to make multiple CMC 0 and 2 permanents. EE@1 is still relevant against Delver, Elves, Vial + Mom, and even Astrolabe if I am setting up Contamination. In a pinch EE@0 can deal with EtW, Chalice, LED+Petal and even Moxes if I am setting up Contamination. Oblivion Ring is also a consideration that would serve a similar purpose.


    EDIT: I might test out Idol of Oblivion. It looks quite promising! A one-sided Howling Mine is nothing to laugh at.

    Going forward I am considering the following changes:

    -2 Daretti, Ingenious Iconoclast
    +1 Idol of Oblivion
    +1 Oblivion Ring

    SB
    -2 Fatal Push
    +2 Abrade
    Last edited by Qweerios; 01-10-2020 at 04:25 PM.
    Do you know what assuming does? It makes an ass out of you and me.
    Get it...? Ass, u, me?

    ... ffs I was trying to be funny...

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