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Thread: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

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    [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    [Report] U/G/W Threshold, First Place (July 2006)

    First Place with Blue/Green/White Threshold
    July 22, 2006
    The Mana Curve
    Beaverton, Oregon
    8 Players... (Woo-Hoo...)

    Today was as hot as hell here in Portland. Not "Africa Hot," but definitely really freaking hot. Thinking back, the most blistering weather I've ever experienced was at the tail end of a week-long Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas-esque romp a few years back. Before making our way back to Oregon, my Attorney and I thought it would be worth the adventure to make camp for a night in Death Valley in the dead of August.

    We pulled into the Death Valley National Park at around 10:30 p.m. and were immediately confronted with the "Beware of Coyotes!" sign--auspicious, but not a big deal. Coyotes are just small dogs, right? But the air was cruel and oppressive--the weight of Mike Tyson and five of his fattest buddies passed out on every square inch of your body. Even at 11:00 o'clock at night the heat was over 100 degrees.

    At our "campsite"--really just a bombed out crater with tufts of crab grass and two dilapidated picnic tables--we became aware of yet another danger: scorpions that scavenge the desert floor looking for whatever scorpions eat (wasted college students?) Somewhat alarmed, I went to relieve myself in the community piss hut. Unsurprisingly, my Attorney and I were the only people dumb enough to camp on such a hellacious spot on the planet at this time of year, so I at least had some privacy. But lurking within, resting menacingly on the cool porcelain of the restroom urinal: the largest and furriest freaking beast of a spider I have ever seen.

    An ancient and mysterious impulse filled me with the urge to urinate on this prehistoric monster--but I reasoned that here, in this god-forsaken wasteland, unfit for human habitation, such a move could too easily inspire the vengeance of all arachnids against humans within a mile radius. I also recalled from high school science class that scorpions are, in fact, a type of arachnid. Though the details were admittedly fuzzy. Reasoning that discretion is the better part of valor, I emptied my bladder on some rocks under the sweltering and sticky moon and left the spider to rest in his urine-soaked Xanadu.

    And that was the only night I’ve slept on a picnic table.

    Anyway, today in Beaverton, Oregon was nothing of the sort. The road to the store, the newly-opened Mana Curve, was blocked off for some kind of rag-tag festival, so I parked in the lot of Bed, Bath and Beyond ("Fuck Yeah?.") Outside the store, some dreadful washed-up hippie trio was serenading a bored immigrant family with Jimmy Buffet cover songs. Bad craziness.

    The whole scene was down-right depressing. I have no idea what occasion precipitated such a lame gathering. The attendants were slovenly and expressionless; the sky was overcast and threatening to rain, as fifty people meandered lifelessly to an out-of-tune rendition of "Margaritaville ." But I’m not in a position to judge, for I have gone out of my way to play a fantasy-themed card game, aggressively marketed to thirteen year old virgins.

    ”We will close the drapes tonight. A thing like that could send a drug person careening around the room like a ping-pong ball. Hallucinations are bad enough. But after a while you learn to cope with things like seeing your dead grandmother crawling up your leg with a knife in her teeth.”

    And so ends the tone-setting preamble to this tournament report.

    At the Tourney.

    Entering the store I recognize Don ("AngryTroll") and Chris ("Volt"), but have never met the half-dozen other players. The store owner, Ryan ("DeathwingZERO") seems nice enough, but is really taking his time getting the tournament started.

    The competition was "mixed," which is a nice way of saying some of the players were achingly bad. For instance, before the tourney began I convincingly 2-0'd some guy while playing my all-Kamigawa freaking block casual Samurai deck:

    Tao Te Bardo
    Kamigawa-block Samurai theme deck
    by Bardo

    4 Devoted Retainer
    4 Samurai of the Pale Curtain
    4 Hand of Honor
    4 Kitsune Blademaster
    3 Kami of Ancient Law
    1 Isamaru, Hound of Konda
    1 Sensei Golden-Tail
    1 Eight-and-a-Half Tails
    1 Opal-Eye, Konda's Yojimbo
    1 Nagao, Bound by Honor
    1 Hikari, Twilight Guardian
    1 Yosei, the Morning Star

    1 Oathkeeper, Takeno's Daisho

    4 Shining Shoal
    4 Cage of Hands
    1 Genju of the Fields
    1 Call to Glory
    1 Otherworldy Journey
    1 Promise of Bunrei

    20 Plains
    1 Eiganjo Castle

    Losing to this must have been as painful as typing up that list. However, I had a curve on Game 2 that even Tim Aten would have appreciated: Turn 1 Retainer, Turn 2 Hand, Turn 3 Blademaster, Turn 4 Nagao, topping off with a Turn 5 Hikari. But the facts were, we weren't playing Limited.

    The tourney started much later than I would have liked--first round pairings were announced around 3:30 pm.

    I played The Old Standby: Blue/Green/White Threshold aka “BardoThresh 2k6”

    Legacy U/G/W Threshold
    by Bardo

    4 Serum Visions
    4 Mental Note
    4 Brainstorm

    4 Force of Will
    4 Daze
    2 Counterspell

    4 Swords to Plowshares
    2 Pithing Needle
    1 Engineered Explosives

    4 Nimble Mongoose
    4 Werebear
    4 Meddling Mage
    1 Mystic Enforcer

    4 Flooded Strand
    2 Polluted Delta
    2 Windswept Heath
    3 Tropical Island
    3 Tundra
    2 Island
    1 Forest
    1 Plains

    Sideboard
    4 Hydroblast
    3 Armageddon
    2 Tivadar's Crusade
    2 Naturalize
    2 Worship
    1 Apocalypse Chime
    1 Engineered Explosives
    1 Mystic Enforcer

    This is the exact same list I played last time and the time before that. The only change I've considered is dropping my maindeck Engineered Explosives for another Pithing Needle. But I only own two and gambled that I could make enough in store credit at this tourney get a free or a severely discount Needle (yep, that’s foreshadowing).

    Pairings are announced, and we all make the Top 8!

    Round 1. Randall with ThunderBluff

    Game 1
    Randall gets an early Didgeridoo and I can't find a Pithing Needle to save my life. Tarluum Champion begins to reduce my life to a dangerously low total, but I'm able to stabilize with Mystic Enforcer. Just when things are looking up, the dreaded Sword of Light and Shadow makes an appearance and Tahngarth now has Protection from White! Fuck. We're off to a classic "Race to the Death" and Thresh barely wins out when my opponent makes a fatal mistake by not being aware of the last week's errata on Labyrinth Minotaur.

    Game 2
    I'm having a hard time making my land drops, but in a critical early turn, I topdeck Mental Note and that finds me the land I need to play Apocalypse Chime. Close games, but with the deck's popularity, you can't blame people from packing BluffHate.

    (This is just my sad way of saying that Randall was playing some dodgy U/B Reanimator deck where his first turn play in Game 1 was Dark Ritual-> foil Royal Assassin. Yeah. I Needle the Assassin and work him over with two threshed Werebears and a Mongoose. His life total: 20, 17, 6, -5. In Game 2, a lone Nimble Mongoose inflicts a staggering 18 points of damage and a Meddling Mage chanting against "the Nine of Clubs" gets in the fatal blow. The only damage done to me over the two games is from my own fetchlands.)

    2-0

    Record.
    Games: 2-0
    Matches: 1-0

    Between rounds Chris, my eventual Round 2 opponent, and I test the lopsided Thresh vs. W/R Control ("Rifter") match, with me and my Enlightened Tutor-powered Rifter deck playing Chris and his U/G/W Thresh deck.

    My notes only read "ugly for him", which is to say, Humility was in play and I repeatedly 2-for-1’d his threats with Pyroclasm and Slice & Dice while slowing burning him out with a single Lightning Rift. Thankfully, no one played Rifter at this tournament.

    Round 2. Chris ("Volt") with Red/Green Aggro ("Kird Ape Sligh")

    In testing Thresh usually goes 45/55 against RG Aggro, but I’m feeling confident.

    Game 1
    Though it pains me to do so, I Force of Will his first-turn Kird Ape (played off a Taiga), on the draw. My hand was too slow to deal with such an early threat and I wanted to stay out of “burn out” range for as long as possible. Eventually, a couple of Burning-Tree Shamans make an appearance but are held off by my superior Wall-o’-Werebears. I land Mystic Enforcer who goes the distance, inflicting 20+ damage over the next few turns For The Win.

    Sideboarding: +4 Hydroblast, +1 Mystic Enforcer, +1 Engineered Explosives, +1 Worship; -4 Meddling Mage, -1 Daze, -1 Counterspell, -1 Pithing Needle (?)

    Note: It’s at this point that I lose my notepad where I recorded life totals and assorted notes. Everything that follows is based somewhat on my recollection, but some of it may be outright lies.

    Game 2
    My removal keeps the board relatively clear, but shortly after gaining the upper-hand, Tormod’s Crypt makes my ground assault shrivel up and die and I’m back to playing the control game. The endgame see me charred to a crisp; starting at ten life: Bolt, Bolt, Magma Jet, Bolt, game.

    Game 3
    My mind is a complete blank for our last game. How and why I won will have to remain a mystery. My vague impression is that I achieved an early board advantage and that my deck delivered everything I needed to keep Chris out of the game. Daze that, Hydroblast this, StP his mom, etc. I think Chris was frustrated by my ridiculous luck, but you know what they say: “Sometimes you pee on the hairy spider; sometimes the hairy spider bites your nut sack.”

    2-1

    Record.
    Games: 4-1
    Matches: 2-0

    Round 3. Don ("AngryTroll") with U/G/W Threshold

    Without my notes, I don’t know how I’m going to write about 5 games against the same deck and opponent. They’re all a blur. To add some value, I’ll talk about the match-up in general.

    The Thresh mirror is an odd experience, simultaneously boring and nerve-wracking. Going first is a huge advantage as it makes your Dazes so much stronger while giving you virtual immunity to opposing Daze(s), provided you’re not dumb-ass and neglect to play land before casting your spells. Tormod’s Crypt is a backbreaker and Mental Note is also key, allowing you to inflict up to ten damage before your opponent can be in a position to trade.

    But beyond the big plays (Mystic Enforcer, Tormod’s Crypt), the match is actually a very delicate game of cat, mouse and head games. Overwhelmingly, the margin of victory is composed of playskill and knowing what matters at each phase of the game.

    Nimble Mongoose > Swords to Plowshares > Werebear > Nimble Mongoose. 4/4s match up against opposing 4/4s, but trump untargetable 3/3s. Mystic Enforcer trumps all but he is easily Dazed, CSpell’d, Forced or Plowed. But if he sticks, Enforcer is monster. It's the peculiar way all of these pieces fit together that actually make this a complex tactical puzzle.

    Engineered Explosives is also huge in maintaining ground parity or getting an upper-hand when Werebears are in a stalemate and Mongoose sits idly by. I never had the chance to drop Worship, but I imagine that would be a bitch too. I remember seeing one off a Brainstorm in Round 3, Game 2, but I shuffled back with a fetchland since I was on four lands and didn’t want to needlessly walk into Daze.

    If someone does Daze your shit, remember that Werebear taps for mana. I’ve forgotten about that ability on far too many occasions.

    Game 1
    I have absolutely no memory of this game. Don?

    Sideboarding: +2 Worship, +1 Mystic Enforcer, +1 Engineered Explosives; -4 Meddling Mage

    Game 2
    See game 1.

    2-0

    Record.
    Games: 6-1
    Matches: 3-0

    Round 4. Don ("AngryTroll") with U/G/W Threshold--again...

    The Top 4 is announced and I’m playing Don again. The other bracket is Chris, my round 2 opponent, vs. IGGy Pop, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that whoever wins our round will in all likelihood win the whole tourney, since Storm-combo is a bye for Gro.

    Game 1
    The only play I recall is baiting Don into dropping double Mongoose while I sit on Engineered Explosives. I reset the board and win somehow or another. As in all games we played, I really sat back and played conservatively. Meaning I allowed myself lose counter-wars that I could have won and held back on playing my last Force of Will or Counterspell for something key (such as an opposing Enforcer or ensuring that mine would resolve and stick).

    Sideboarding: Same as above.

    Game 2
    When Don is at one life and I’m one mere attack phase from winning, Don draws into Tormod’s Crypt and steals the game. I valiantly fight him back with a bunch of unthreshed dudes and get him back down to 3 life after plowing his Enforcer brings him up to seven life, but can’t seem to get him to zero.

    And we're off to game three, the one that would decide who wins The Prize (I mean, a few bucks in store credit) or goes home like a Chump.

    Game 3
    On the play, I play a Pithing Needle off an Island. Don Forces, pitching Serum Visions; I do the same (Force, pitching Serum Visions). The Needle resolves and I name “Tormod’s Crypt” which gives me some breathing room for the rest of the game.

    2-1

    Record.
    Games: 8-2
    Matches: 4-0

    As expected, IGGy beats R/G aggro I feel pretty assured I’m going to win this thing. But just to be sure, I dig into my bad of goodies and produce my secret tech: my subtle “you can’t win the match dude” aura.

    Round 5. Ryan (DeathWingZERO) with Ill-Gotten Gains Combo (IGGy Pop)

    Game 1
    I keep a reasonable hand with a Meddling Mage, some threshold guys, but no cantrips. Meddling Mage stalls his combo long enough that attacking with the Mage (on “Tendrils of Agony”), and an unthreshed Mongoose and Mystic Enforcer, swinging for 6 damage a turn, is enough to win. My graveyard at the end of the game: Flooded Strand, Polluted Delta, Flooded Strand.

    Sideboarding: +3 Armageddon, +2 Naturalize (for Leyline of the Void, suggested by Bomholmm); -4 Swords to Plowshares, -1 Pithing Needle

    Game 2

    Game two is somewhat anticlimactic but does see me make my first Third Turn Kill ever with Threshold. Here's the progression of moves. I'm on the draw.

    Turn 1 (Ryan): Underground Sea, go.
    Turn 1 (Me): Polluted Delta, go.
    Turn 2 (Ryan): Swamp, go.
    Turn 2 (Me): Flooded Strand; sac Strand and Delta for Tropical Island and Tundra; Meddling Mage naming "Tendrils of Agony."
    Turn 3 (Ryan): * Does something inconsequential, grumbles. *
    Turn 3 (Me): Island, swing for 2, Meddling Mage (#2) naming "Echoing Truth."
    Ryan: "Good Game."

    And that is the story of my Third Turn Kill.

    In the parlance of the MtG, my opening hand was the so-called Stone Cold Nutz:

    Polluted Delta
    Flooded Stand
    Daze
    Force of Will
    Meddling Mage
    Meddling Mage
    Naturalize

    2-0

    Record.
    Games: 10-2
    Matches: 5-0

    In first place, I have almost enough store credit to get my Pithing Needle #3. And that will be the only change I plan on making to the maindeck:

    -1 Engineered Explosives
    +1 Pithing Needle

    And in the sideboard:

    -2 Tivadar's Crusade
    +2 Apocalypse Chime

    Props: Frogboy’s boss, for scheduling him to work on Saturday and thus allowing me to go 5-0. Thanks dude.

    Slops: Big, hairy spiders, yearning to be pee’d on.

    Appendix: My Year-to-Date Performance History with U/G/W Threshold (January – July, 2006), as documented in my (hopefully entertaining/enlightening) tournament reports:

    Rw Aggro: 2-0
    IGGy Pop: 2-1
    Secret Force: 2-0
    Angel Stompy: 0-2
    Burn: 2-1
    UGR Threshold: 2-1
    UWR Control: 1-2
    Burn: 2-0
    UB Control: 2-0
    UG Madness: 2-0
    RG Survival: 2-0
    UR Illusions-Donate: 2-0
    WR Control (Rifter): 1-2
    Rw Aggro: 2-1
    Goblins: 2-0
    IGGy Pop: 2-0
    4c Slide: 0-2
    Bu Reanimator: 2-0
    Rg Aggro: 2-1
    UGW Threshold: 2-0
    UGW Threshold: 2-1
    IGGy Pop: 2-0

    Cumulative Record:
    Matches: 18-4
    Games: 38-14

    Thanks for reading.
    Last edited by Bardo; 07-26-2006 at 12:47 AM.

  2. #2
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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    You write wonderful reports. Always a fun read. Keep it up!

  3. #3
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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    Quote Originally Posted by troopatroop
    You write wonderful reports. Always a fun read. Keep it up!
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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    My nutsack is still swollen and purple, ya lucky bastage.

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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    Now I want to show up this weekend for no other reason than to meet the guy who wrote this report. Oh, and I suppose helping out a new store wouldn't be a terrible thing.

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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    Quote Originally Posted by jeremys
    Now I want to show up this weekend for no other reason than to meet the guy who wrote this report. Oh, and I suppose helping out a new store wouldn't be a terrible thing.
    Well, I only play once a month--so don't get too excited. ;)

    Also I'm not sure if I want to play at The Mana Curve or Alternate Universe. However, The Curve is much more convenient to me. And I enjoyed navigating the crazy mile-long maze to find the bathroom in the back of the complex. That was awesome; and yes, I'm easily entertained.
    Last edited by Bardo; 07-26-2006 at 12:35 AM.

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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    Wow, Slide has the best record versus you.
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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    Quote Originally Posted by Anusien
    Wow, Slide has the best record versus you.
    Half of my losses are to Frogboy. And Froggy can beat me after consumming half a bottle of Xanax and playing a fucking pinochle deck.

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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    Hmmm...All I remember of our matches is being beaten around upside the head by Bardo. Game two of our first match I bring in Tormod's Crypts, and I decide to gamble and take out Daze, and leave EE in the sideboard. I risked it because Bardo does not run TCrypt, and I will be on the play. I decide to go for the throat and straight up win the aggro race this game. Well, my first hand is Land x 6, TCrype. I mull to Forest, blue cantrips, Enforcer, Force. I mull to a slow 5 card hand and get smashed. Terrible decision on my part to sideboard this way.

    I do remember that game 5 (to decide the match, and thusly, the tournament) was by far one of the closest games I have ever played.

    This matchup was decided by playskill. The Engineered Explosives main in Bardo's deck helped him out a ton, too, but mine were in my sideboard.

    One of the best parts of the 5 games, though, by far, dealt with Meddling Mages. I dropped a Mage naming "Mystic Enforcer." Neither one of us had seen one yet, and I run more then Bardo, but I had the better board position and knew that if he drew one at that moment I would lost. And I can play mind games by sending him into the red zone at an opposing Mongoose.

    Well, Bardo drops a Mage on his turn, and sits around for a while trying to figure out what he can possibly name with it. After thinking for a long time, he names "Meddling Mage." I proceed to draw a Mage on my turn, and send mine into the Red Zone for 2 to Bardo's dome. Bardo draws a card for his turn and attempts to cast the Mage he just drew! Smooth.
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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    Now we know why you didnt write one some time ago...
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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    Quote Originally Posted by AngryTroll
    Well, Bardo drops a Mage on his turn, and sits around for a while trying to figure out what he can possibly name with it. After thinking for a long time, he names "Meddling Mage." I proceed to draw a Mage on my turn, and send mine into the Red Zone for 2 to Bardo's dome. Bardo draws a card for his turn and attempts to cast the Mage he just drew! Smooth.
    Yeah, at least we got a good laught out of it. And I got to look like an idiot, which is always sweet. ;) Good Games, btw.

  12. #12
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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    Quote Originally Posted by troopatroop
    You write wonderful reports. Always a fun read. Keep it up!
    QFT. Again.

    Nice report and I hope I can make it some time in the future and actually y'know...play.
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  13. #13

    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    Is the whole Apocalypse Chime thing a joke?

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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    Quote Originally Posted by seer
    Is the whole Apocalypse Chime thing a joke?
    No.

  15. #15
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    Re: [Report] UGW Threshold: Of Mongeese and Hairy Spiders

    The necessity of chime in the gro board (if not main) can be expressed in multiple ways mathematically:
    AC=MA

    AC/M=A

    Grats.
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