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Thread: TES- The fucked out of top 8 story

  1. #1

    TES- The fucked out of top 8 story

    It all starts waiting in line at the bank when my phone rings, “Hey, you ready to pick me up?” “Yeah, I’ll be there in 20.” I go to pick up my friend Pat, in the car on the way home I ask him if he’s been reading on TES (He was playing it); of course the answer is no. He goes “it’s only like what 20 pages?” an hour later he’s on page 5. Forget that, I try and teach him the basics, but he obviously isn’t paying attention. I start to give up hope on him and we play Heroes 3 of Might and Magic Complete until two in the morning. Nat (Brushwagg) and Doug McKay (Damping Engine) pick us up; the car ride there was pretty much a bore.
    I arrive at the tournament site and see the man, the myth, the legend Adam Barnello handing out name tags and grab mine. I proceed to get my Chinese Undiscovered Paradises from Zach (LonelyBaritone) and fill out my decklist.

    4 City of Brass
    4 Gemstone Mine
    2 Undiscovered Paradise
    1 Tomb of Urami

    4 Xantid Swarm

    4 Lion's Eye Diamond
    4 Lotus Petal
    4 Chrome Mox
    1 Ill-Gotten Gains
    4 Burning Wish
    2 Tendrils of Agony
    4 Dark Ritual
    4 Cabal Ritual
    4 Infernal Tutor
    4 Plunge into Darkness
    1 Diminishing Returns
    4 Rite of Flame
    1 Empty the Warrens
    4 Brainstorm

    SB: 1 Ill-Gotten Gains
    SB: 1 Tendrils of Agony
    SB: 1 Diminishing Returns
    SB: 3 Empty the Warrens
    SB: 1 Tranquility
    SB: 2 Shattering Spree
    SB: 4 Dark Confidant
    SB: 1 Earthquake
    SB: 1 Duress

    I register and buy new sleeves because who doesn’t like new sleeves for a new event? I ask Colin (Diablos) to help because I’m in a hurry as Calosso walks up and starts his annoyance for the day “Hey Colin, why are you going to jail. I was in jail once, I took it deep. Mexican prisons are much worse.” As all of this Jesse Krieger, yes the Jesse Krieger flashes me an Alliances Spanish Diminishing Returns from his main deck (He’s also playing TES). At this point I’m frustrated because Diminishing Returns is the last card I need to pimp out my deck. Krieger says it’s Anwar’s, Anwar walks up and I offer him 20$ for it (I’m aware I gave him 15$ extra dollars but whatever, it didn’t matter to me) Anwar had just made my day. “Pairings for round one are up!”

    Round one: Brian Feigley (Torgar) (Wombat)
    Game one: It starts out slow, I Burning Wish-> Duress him he abeyance’s me in response and draws an Orim’s Chant (I nab it). He plays a Jotun Grunt and an unmorphed Exalted Angel. I combo out on my turn with Ill-Gotten Gains.

    Sideboarding: -2 Plunge into Darkness, -2 Cabal Ritual, +4 Dark Confidant

    Game two: I play two Dark Confidant’s and a Xantid and start bashing, he’s sitting back on Glowrider. He becomes forced to block, and drops another one. UGH! He drops Grunt and bashes me down. I attempt to combo and am one mana short (A lot of ritual effects and tutor but am unable to go off without tapping a pain land.) So I put City’s ping on the stack (I’m at 1) and rituals out the ass and use Plunge’s gain life ability for 6, and lose to being a mana short because of Glowrider.

    Game three: I get to play this round! A first! Turn two, I play Dark Ritual, Petal, and then LED in response he Chant’s me. I’m holding Infernal and I think to myself “AWESOME! He did it at the wrong time! I’ll returns into the win now.” NOPE, on my turn I draw returns and am now royally fucked. He plays a True Believer rubbing insult to injury. My draws after that ETW, Tendrils then finally another land (was waiting on any mana source). By this time he had just played a Grunt, I play my land and Returns (Popping LED). He plays another Chant effect… Frowny face. I’m at 11, he swings 6. I’m going to win during my upkeep he bandages leaving 1 untapped land and rips Orim’s Chant for the loss.

    Round two: Allen Sorenson (URABAN) (Red Death)

    Game one: He Duress’s me taking a Burning Wish, I play a land, and he kills it. I play more lands they die as does my hand. Luckily I draw Brainstorm as if Herbig (Jesus) himself were playing; I put Cabal Ritual then Ill-Gotten Gains back on top at least twice. I draw, He duress’s me again find all acceleration. I cast Cabal Ritual which allows me to Ill-Gotten Gains, getting back acceleration and ETW. Allen Scoops.

    Sidebaording: -4 Xantid Swarm, - 1 Cabal Ritual, -1 Plunge into Darkness, + 2 Empty the Warrens, + 4 Dark Confidant

    Game two: Allen mulligans. Allen Duress’s me again once again hitting Burning Wish, I don’t do much but take it like a bitch in prison (Something Colin will know all about). Allen plays a turn three Hypnotic Specter, turn four Rotting Giant. I am too far into the whole to recover.

    Game three: Allen mulligans TWICE! I feel bad now, my opening hand is Rite of Flame, Rite of Flame, Chrome Mox, Empty the Warrens, Ill-Gotten Gains, Gemstone, and City of Brass. I make 8 Goblins and Allen Scoops once again.

    Round three: The boy who blocked his own shot (Unregged) (Don’t know)

    Game one: I sat there waiting three minutes.

    Sideboarding: I was contemplating boarding in ETW then decided not to.

    Game two: I waited for two additional minutes and then Eli granted me the win.

    During the next 55 minutes, I rummaged the dollar bin found some of the foil islands I collect and Goblin tokens. I also threw packs at the crowd, that was fun. I was also thinking of how awful a free win was going to look in my report. You tell me.

    Round four: Ryan Churchill (Unregged) (Burn)

    Game one: Despite what I told people about this game, I was wrong. I talked to him about it later on and one of his lands was already tapped from a burn spell, he didn’t mess up. He played a first turn Chain Lightning, I played a land, he bolts, I play a land. He passed. I end stepped Plunged for two. Pass my turn (I couldn’t find acceleration for the life of me! I went through 12 cards!) He chains me. I finally draw the second acceleration piece (one of many) it was LED. I go off with Ill-Gotten Gains and end up Tendrils’ing for 30.

    Sideboarding: -4 Xantid Swarm, +2 Empty the Warrens, +1 Shattering Spree, + 1 Dark Confidant.

    Game two: He plays a turn one fanatic, I play turn one 12 gobs pass. Let me elaborate, land, Rite of Flame, Lotus Petal, another Rite of Flame, Lion’s Eye Diamond, Burning Wish-> Empty the Warrens (Popping LED). He plays a second land and says Pyroclasm, having me worried then picks up his two mountains.

    Round five: James Peyton (Jrp) ( Solidarity)

    Game one: He mulligans. I play a turn one Tomb of Urami, Lotus Petal, Lotus Petal, Rite of Flame, then attempt to play Cabal Ritual. It gets forced. I play a second turn Xantid Swarm. He plays cantrips. I plunge into LED, then draw a Lion’s Eye Diamond (I needed any acceleration piece to win this would do.) I cast Infernal and he scoops.

    Sideboarding: -1 Diminishing Returns, -1 Chrome Mox, +2 Empty the Warrens

    Game two: He mulligans twice. Apparently he mulliganed into 2x Force of Will, 2x Blue card and Island. He forces both my Xantids. A turn later I attempt to go off with BBBR floating after Infernal with an untapped City of Brass. His one card in hand is Remand. The game drags out and he wins. At the end of the game he played 3 Force of Will’s at times that he had 2-3 cards in hand. It gets old… fast.

    Game three: My opening hand is LED, Cabal Ritual, Gemstone mine, Rite of Flame, Empty the Warrens, Empty the Warrens, Infernal Tutor. At this point the WHOLE tournament is watching. Anwar and Gearhart have been watching the whole time. I play Gemstone pass, he plays island pass. I draw for my turn, it was Dark Ritual( I could’ve drawn pretty much anything for the win) I say once again, “No balls, no glory” if he’s got it he’s got it. I play Dark Ritual, Cabal Ritual, LED, and then Infernal Tutor. He stares at his hand for a second, Herbig takes a picture at the moment he says it resolves. I was soo ecstatic I forgot about the correct play (Ill-Gotten Gains), every game he mulled into force so I assumed he had it. I make 10 goblins and pass the turn. He scoops.

    Round six: Scott Scheurer (Overlord95) (Duck hunt)

    Game one: He plays a fetch go. I play land, Xantid. He kills it. I attempt to combo twice and I lose.

    Sideboarding: - 2 Plunge into Darkness, -2 Cabal Ritual, +4 Dark Confidant

    Game two: This was quite an EPIC game if I do say so. I play turn one Xantid, he kills it on his turn one. I play a bunch of spells and ETW for 8, he plays Engineered Explosives kills em. I B-storm into LED, Gemstone Mine, and Dark Ritual. I play Gemstone stacking the top cards LED ontop ( I have no cards in hand). He plays a second wasteland and taps out for Crucible. I play LED sac it get a 5/5. I bash him down, he brainstorms, fetches, brainstorms into the other EE. In the next few turns I draw another land and play Xantid. It resolves. Scott plays standstill. He starts bashing me with Factory(He also has wastelock), my life total is dropping like a whores thong in an Econolodge. In about 5 or 6 turns he breaks his own standstill which draws me these cards in order Brainstorm, Infernal Tutor, Dark Confidant (Would have been nice to see one of him 90 turns ago.) if he didn’t kill the swarm I would’ve won on my turn. I play land, Brainstorm. I draw Dark Ritual, Dark Ritual, Rite of Flame. I Put a Burning Wish and an Infernal Back. I played tons of acceleration ( 2 dark rituals, 2 Lotus Petals, Rite of Flame), then I casted Infernal with 2 cards in hand to bait a counter and he falls for it. I play the LED in my hand and play the other Infernal Tutor. He reveals 2x stifle, I knew he had atleast one because of his earlier FoF revealing 4 land or a Stifle. I made the mana UUURR. I had a red floating, I drew Brainstorm, Chrome Mox, Lotus Petal, Rite of Flame, Dark Ritual, LED, Tendrils. I play Petal and Brainstorm into garbage and keep a Dark Condfiant. I play LED to bait counter it resolves, Rite of Flame resolves. Chrome Mox resolves(Removing: Dark Confidant), Dark ritual however gets Force of Willed for the loss.

    At this point everyone is like sorry man ect… Damn I wanted to top 8. I don’t even care about the duals, I just wanted TES to be taken more seriously. On a better note Jesse Krieger also had a winning record of 4-2.

    Anwar for the Diminishing Returns.
    Anwar for top 8’ing with Red Death.
    Jesse Krieger and OutsideAngel for playing TES.
    David Gearhart for being incredibly awesome.
    Allen for being the best opponent.
    Kadilak for hookin’ a brotha up.
    Zach for top 2’ing.
    Nat for representing EPIC.
    TES for being awesome.
    All who said TES is awesome.
    Jrp for being a cool guy.
    Sexy Rector for having the most bling binder there.
    Nantuko shady and all who signed my playmat.
    Me for getting 4 packs!
    Everyone who said they're gonna start building TES.
    All who I forgot tell me and I’ll add you.

    Herbig for playing that pile.
    59 card decks.
    TES for sucking.
    Colasso for being alive.
    Colin for not giving me promised head.
    My sleeves for being too brand new.
    My opponents for not showing up, and making this report look even worse.
    Burn guy for being kind of rude.
    Allen for saying I have to wait for Connecticut for the Unicorn shower.
    All of us EPIC members who were at the top 8 tables in the last round and started dropping like flies.
    Everyone who ragged on me for not being an adept.
    Last edited by Bryant Cook; 02-18-2007 at 07:38 PM.

  2. #2
    Gekoratel's Avatar
    Join Date

    Feb 2006



    Re: TES- The fucked out of top 8 story

    Nice report it's to bad that you didn't make T8 but it seemed like the deck you had to beat in round 6 would be hard for a combo deck. I played against him the round before with Goblins and saw Counterspell, FoW, Stifle, and I think Duress. While Goblins doesn't care all that much about these cards the combination of that much hate must have been very difficult to fight through.

    One note about the report in your round 1 & 6 matchups you don't say the cards that you bring in. If I had to hazard a guess I think it was +4 Dark Confidant because in both of the post-board matches you mention drawing him. If you end up going to TML Open 2 hopefully you'll have more luck there.

  3. #3
    Artist formerly known as Anti-American
    Citrus-God's Avatar
    Join Date

    May 2005



    Re: TES- The fucked out of top 8 story

    Nice. It's hard playing around Stifles, and it takes practice. I need to start doing that because I am having an awful time right now doing that. I had to Chain D. Returns just to play around it. I'm glad your good at it. Good job!

    And dammit, go to the TML Open for me dammit! I wont be there, but just go man! I'm sure you'll have a great time bashing face there, and winning of course.
    ICBE - We're totally the coolest Anti-Thesis ever.

    "The Citrus-God just had a Citrus-Supernova... in your mouth."

  4. #4
    torgar's Avatar
    Join Date

    Sep 2005

    new jersey


    Re: TES- The fucked out of top 8 story

    Quote Originally Posted by wastedlife View Post
    Turn two, I play Dark Ritual, Petal, and then LED in response he Chant’s me. I’m holding Infernal and I think to myself “AWESOME! He did it at the wrong time! I’ll returns into the win now.”
    I believe that's the correct play since I had no Wrath and if the next play is EtW for 8, I lose. I'm not entirely sure on that though because I was anxious I wouldn't get priority again.

  5. #5
    Clay Aiken
    URABAHN's Avatar
    Join Date

    Jun 2005

    Mooshie's Grove


    Re: TES- The fucked out of top 8 story

    8 Goblins on Turn 1 was fucking l33t! I didn't board E. Plague because I had no idea TES could rock out like that on Turn 1. I shoulda ran Cabal Therapy like Anwar. TES is pretty damn powerful, I must say.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lifeless View Post
    Your Source for Hurt Feelings and Naming Cats.

  6. #6

    Re: TES- The fucked out of top 8 story

    Congrats on the finish i will also be shortly puting up a mini-report.

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