Zach Tartell
08-31-2008, 11:14 PM
Inspired by Rotten, I decided to make my report photo-ful. Moving along in chronological order:
A couple weeks ago, Bryant Cook crashed at my place for a college visit. That's pretty unimportant, except that he left this on my fridge:
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t119/lonelybaritone/0831081813.jpg
My name is spelled with an "h," though. Still pretty good (although Krieger remarked that instead of describing the truth of the statement that I love dick, it appears that I love a gentelman named "Dick Truth." Although that's a porn name, so I guess that's still kind of the same thing).
Friday:
Adam "Nightmare" Barnello and Mike "TeenieBopper" Edinger came out drinking with me. The adjective "Al Roker" (famous Oswego alumni) and "Thickness" (referring to a bartender, and later a hypothetical sub shop worker). That occured shortly before this gem:
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t119/lonelybaritone/0830080012.jpg
That's Adam trying to do the nasty with the Virgin Mary. Afterword, upon arriving at our last stop on the bar run, I got extremely drunk, and the Virginians arrived. Upon our arrival at my apartment I drunk dialed my mother in order to let her know that I was afraid of being raped by Krieger. Good times.
I woke up, Krieger told me that I snore loudly, and we left. I got to the store, hooked Dave "Knows How Big a Deal I Am" Elrod (a last name that I confuse almost religiously with "Amrod," of Legacy history) with some cards for the best deck name ever, talked shit with Phil Stolze and Zach Fine, and then kind of wasted like twenty minutes writing down my decklist. Damon made fun of me for still playing Careful Study, and we headed out.
Oh! Let me give you a list:
4 Cephalid Coliseum
4 Gemstone Mine
4 City of Brass
4 Golgari Grave Troll
4 Stinkweed Imp
3 Golgari Thug
4 Breakthrough
3 Careful Study
2 Deep Analysis
4 Lion's Eye Diamond
4 Cabal Therapy
4 Ichorid
4 Narcomoeba
2 Dread Return
1 Flame-Kin Zealot
1 Cephalid Sage
4 Putrid Imp
(I might be missing something, but after the 2 Deep anal, 4 card combo package, and 3 Careful Study it's a standard list)
Sideboard (15):
4 Chain of Vapor
4 Pithing Needle
4 Leyline of the Void
3 Ray of Revelation
Blech. Make fun of me if you want, but I was comfortable with it. Damon and I talked a little and I think I'll switch the style up a little, but, anyway, let's get to the Sexual Vanilla Deck Wins Takes Tenth conversation.
Round 1: Mike Teachout with Red Death
Game 1: I do the "I'm playing TES" play what with the rainbow land, LED ridiculousness. I drop a Cabal Therapy on Mike for Force of Will (as he played Aluren the last time I saw him play Legacy), and wiff like crazy. I do the slow game after a trashy Breakthrough, and Mike succumbs to Ichorid beats after a couple turns.
Game 2: I board in for Leyline, and Mike keeps a hand without anything spicy (other than turn 1 Ritual into Negator, turn 2 Shade), I win splendidly.
1-0
Round 2: Adam with Block Faeries
Game 1: Adam goes Mutavault, go. I drop some truth on his face with a pretty nasty Breakthrough/LED/Grave Troll/Grave Troll hand. Adam plays an Island and passes. I therapy on Force of Will, see he has two Mistbind Cliques in his hand, and win that turn.
Game 2: I board in Needles and Chains. Adam leads with that crazy Faerie dual, showing me a Bitterblossom. I lead with a Needle on Tormod's Crypt and pass. Adam drops that same Bitterblossom, and I drop some pain on his face. That'll teach him to play a block deck. (which is to say that he has 0 relevant cards against me).
2-0
Round 3: Damon for with the Mirror
Game 1: I mull to 3 keeping a Breakthrough, Narcomoeba, and a Golgari Grave Troll. Damon wins on his second turn.
Game 2: I board in hate for Leyline, which I am sure he doesn't play, and keep an awesome hand with Chain of Vapor. Damon wins turn 1.
2-1
Round 4: Krieger with the Mirror
Game 1: Jesse mulls to four, maybe. I win on turn one or two.
Game 2: I can't recall whether or not I kept the Leyline, but Jesse just didn't put up much of a fight.
3-1
Round 5: James with RGb Goyf Sligh
Game 1: I do the Ichorid thing after he misuses a Mogg Fanatic.
Game 2: Shit was embarrassing. I got a little seamen in my eye when he spooged on me.
Game 3: I tried a little harder, but still got pwnt.
3-2
I get matched up against Zach Fine, also 3-2. And here is the reason that I really have to pay attention to this math: Zach is the only 3-2 who could make it. Nobody tells me this. I drop my dick on the table, and he gets pwnt savagely, twice. The top 4 tables become the top 8, and I feel like a dick (as I'd totally have given him the win if he'd top 8'd).
I trade for some fun shit with Tariq and Geoff, make fun of both of them for having enough sex to have kids. Fuck that shit.
I bitch out and come home after eating some excellent bar food with Dave, Jesse, and Damon. Then I come home, and they follow me, and we watch Family Guy for a while.
Today the guys checked out, and they'd left me this awesome message on my fridge:
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t119/lonelybaritone/0831081813a.jpg
Props:
-Jim, even though I failed to keep the dream alive
-Colin, blah blah blah
-Dave Elrod, for knowing how much of a big deal I am
-Levi, that local dude who came out from under his rock and got 11th. That's pretty sweet
-Kadi, for introducing me to Grim Reminder, by far the best 9th place prize
-Nat, for showing up and rocking some sweet EDH with me. I expect to finish those games on Saturday
-Tariq, for being cool, even though I never seem him any more
-Geoffrey Smelski, because his middle name is Beffrey
-Damon, Jesse, and Dave, for making the drive for a total of 18 packs and one very sick host
-Matt P, for rocking the shit out of 'Cuse with Burning 'Tog
Slops:
-The rest of Virginia. Seriously, dudes. That's freaking weak
-Bryant, for staying in Oswego and not fucking that girl (it's not old yet)
-Jim, for not bringing his EDH deck
-G-d, for setting me up with the maximum number of mirror matches possible. Freaking gay
-Shane for not making it out. I had gifts for you
-Uhh.... not a lot of bad things happened. I didn't top 8, but I feel like I still did pretty well. Maybe EPIC for doing pretty well then shitting out (taking both ninth and tenth)
Edit:
Extra Props:
-My dad's dental office for having magnets shaped like teeth.
Edit 2:
Extra Slops:
-Kyle, for marrying that chick (even though she has huge boobs)
(read the local celebration thing on the fridge)
Edit 3:
Extra Extra Props:
-Read all about it
-Matt P, for Big Jobbing me with Dreadstill like 11-1 in games pre-board with Ichorid. That deck is unstoppable
Edit 4:
Extra Extra Extra Props:
-Hollywood, for rocking with his cock out at his last tournament. I'll miss you, buddy
A couple weeks ago, Bryant Cook crashed at my place for a college visit. That's pretty unimportant, except that he left this on my fridge:
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t119/lonelybaritone/0831081813.jpg
My name is spelled with an "h," though. Still pretty good (although Krieger remarked that instead of describing the truth of the statement that I love dick, it appears that I love a gentelman named "Dick Truth." Although that's a porn name, so I guess that's still kind of the same thing).
Friday:
Adam "Nightmare" Barnello and Mike "TeenieBopper" Edinger came out drinking with me. The adjective "Al Roker" (famous Oswego alumni) and "Thickness" (referring to a bartender, and later a hypothetical sub shop worker). That occured shortly before this gem:
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t119/lonelybaritone/0830080012.jpg
That's Adam trying to do the nasty with the Virgin Mary. Afterword, upon arriving at our last stop on the bar run, I got extremely drunk, and the Virginians arrived. Upon our arrival at my apartment I drunk dialed my mother in order to let her know that I was afraid of being raped by Krieger. Good times.
I woke up, Krieger told me that I snore loudly, and we left. I got to the store, hooked Dave "Knows How Big a Deal I Am" Elrod (a last name that I confuse almost religiously with "Amrod," of Legacy history) with some cards for the best deck name ever, talked shit with Phil Stolze and Zach Fine, and then kind of wasted like twenty minutes writing down my decklist. Damon made fun of me for still playing Careful Study, and we headed out.
Oh! Let me give you a list:
4 Cephalid Coliseum
4 Gemstone Mine
4 City of Brass
4 Golgari Grave Troll
4 Stinkweed Imp
3 Golgari Thug
4 Breakthrough
3 Careful Study
2 Deep Analysis
4 Lion's Eye Diamond
4 Cabal Therapy
4 Ichorid
4 Narcomoeba
2 Dread Return
1 Flame-Kin Zealot
1 Cephalid Sage
4 Putrid Imp
(I might be missing something, but after the 2 Deep anal, 4 card combo package, and 3 Careful Study it's a standard list)
Sideboard (15):
4 Chain of Vapor
4 Pithing Needle
4 Leyline of the Void
3 Ray of Revelation
Blech. Make fun of me if you want, but I was comfortable with it. Damon and I talked a little and I think I'll switch the style up a little, but, anyway, let's get to the Sexual Vanilla Deck Wins Takes Tenth conversation.
Round 1: Mike Teachout with Red Death
Game 1: I do the "I'm playing TES" play what with the rainbow land, LED ridiculousness. I drop a Cabal Therapy on Mike for Force of Will (as he played Aluren the last time I saw him play Legacy), and wiff like crazy. I do the slow game after a trashy Breakthrough, and Mike succumbs to Ichorid beats after a couple turns.
Game 2: I board in for Leyline, and Mike keeps a hand without anything spicy (other than turn 1 Ritual into Negator, turn 2 Shade), I win splendidly.
1-0
Round 2: Adam with Block Faeries
Game 1: Adam goes Mutavault, go. I drop some truth on his face with a pretty nasty Breakthrough/LED/Grave Troll/Grave Troll hand. Adam plays an Island and passes. I therapy on Force of Will, see he has two Mistbind Cliques in his hand, and win that turn.
Game 2: I board in Needles and Chains. Adam leads with that crazy Faerie dual, showing me a Bitterblossom. I lead with a Needle on Tormod's Crypt and pass. Adam drops that same Bitterblossom, and I drop some pain on his face. That'll teach him to play a block deck. (which is to say that he has 0 relevant cards against me).
2-0
Round 3: Damon for with the Mirror
Game 1: I mull to 3 keeping a Breakthrough, Narcomoeba, and a Golgari Grave Troll. Damon wins on his second turn.
Game 2: I board in hate for Leyline, which I am sure he doesn't play, and keep an awesome hand with Chain of Vapor. Damon wins turn 1.
2-1
Round 4: Krieger with the Mirror
Game 1: Jesse mulls to four, maybe. I win on turn one or two.
Game 2: I can't recall whether or not I kept the Leyline, but Jesse just didn't put up much of a fight.
3-1
Round 5: James with RGb Goyf Sligh
Game 1: I do the Ichorid thing after he misuses a Mogg Fanatic.
Game 2: Shit was embarrassing. I got a little seamen in my eye when he spooged on me.
Game 3: I tried a little harder, but still got pwnt.
3-2
I get matched up against Zach Fine, also 3-2. And here is the reason that I really have to pay attention to this math: Zach is the only 3-2 who could make it. Nobody tells me this. I drop my dick on the table, and he gets pwnt savagely, twice. The top 4 tables become the top 8, and I feel like a dick (as I'd totally have given him the win if he'd top 8'd).
I trade for some fun shit with Tariq and Geoff, make fun of both of them for having enough sex to have kids. Fuck that shit.
I bitch out and come home after eating some excellent bar food with Dave, Jesse, and Damon. Then I come home, and they follow me, and we watch Family Guy for a while.
Today the guys checked out, and they'd left me this awesome message on my fridge:
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t119/lonelybaritone/0831081813a.jpg
Props:
-Jim, even though I failed to keep the dream alive
-Colin, blah blah blah
-Dave Elrod, for knowing how much of a big deal I am
-Levi, that local dude who came out from under his rock and got 11th. That's pretty sweet
-Kadi, for introducing me to Grim Reminder, by far the best 9th place prize
-Nat, for showing up and rocking some sweet EDH with me. I expect to finish those games on Saturday
-Tariq, for being cool, even though I never seem him any more
-Geoffrey Smelski, because his middle name is Beffrey
-Damon, Jesse, and Dave, for making the drive for a total of 18 packs and one very sick host
-Matt P, for rocking the shit out of 'Cuse with Burning 'Tog
Slops:
-The rest of Virginia. Seriously, dudes. That's freaking weak
-Bryant, for staying in Oswego and not fucking that girl (it's not old yet)
-Jim, for not bringing his EDH deck
-G-d, for setting me up with the maximum number of mirror matches possible. Freaking gay
-Shane for not making it out. I had gifts for you
-Uhh.... not a lot of bad things happened. I didn't top 8, but I feel like I still did pretty well. Maybe EPIC for doing pretty well then shitting out (taking both ninth and tenth)
Edit:
Extra Props:
-My dad's dental office for having magnets shaped like teeth.
Edit 2:
Extra Slops:
-Kyle, for marrying that chick (even though she has huge boobs)
(read the local celebration thing on the fridge)
Edit 3:
Extra Extra Props:
-Read all about it
-Matt P, for Big Jobbing me with Dreadstill like 11-1 in games pre-board with Ichorid. That deck is unstoppable
Edit 4:
Extra Extra Extra Props:
-Hollywood, for rocking with his cock out at his last tournament. I'll miss you, buddy