[DECK] Long John Painter (aka I hate Merfolks)

[GGoober]

If you hate Merfolks as much as I do, I recommend you play this list, you may still lose to Merfolks though because they can probably draw the shit no matter what you do:

LANDS: 22
18 Mountain (so they can't wasteland or stifle if they are playing stifle, you never know, it's Merfolks)
4 Wasteland (so Mutavault doesn't eat you as a 5/5)

NONLANDS: 38
4 Painter's Servant (in case they play Goyfs, you can rofl them with your REBs)
4 Grindstone (in case they aggro you too fast and you don't draw your 24 hate-cards, you can try to grind them out, although be careful of Pierce)
4 Imperial Recruiter (If you are on a budget, maybe play Isochron Scepters or Gamble)
4 Lightning Bolt
4 Grim Lavamancer
4 Spinal Villain
2 Jaya Ballard
4 REB
4 Pyroblast
4 Active Volcano

There you go, Recruiter fetches out Spinal Villain and Grim Lavamancer. You have 16 cards that deal with their 22 creatures. If you still lose to Merfolks, don't be disheartened, it's what the deck does, make you RAGE!!!!

/ragequit

[forsmark]

Sounds like you have a pretty boiling anger towards them folks...

[GGoober]

Boil is bad because it is a dead card against Vial. Please test the deck out before making suggestions.

(lol just kidding :P Yes I do hate Merfolks, I only rage up playing against Merfolks and nothing else.)

[Admiral_Arzar]

Zomg i'm playing this deck. And then eating crunchY juicy fried fishies all day long at long john silver's!!!111!!11

[GGoober]

What's great about this list, is that you have a shot at tier 1 decks with Painterstone, and you still have a shot against jank decks with Painterstone, and you have a shot against non-blue decks with Spinal villain + Painter stone, and most importantly, it's the best deck to play against Merfolks.

On a more serious note, I'm building this deck for the lulz. going to order me all these cards now and sleeve it up and bring it to a tourney when I see more than 50% of people playing Merfolks. Eat it! Brown and crispy!

[Admiral_Arzar]

I just realized that your autocard for REB actually shows Sporeback Troll from Dissension.

[kusumoto]

Why not just play Imperial painter?
It's actually good and moon effects stop wasteland/mutavault plus they beat good decks.

This all seems very silly.

[GGoober]

What's great about this list, is that you have a shot at tier 1 decks with Painterstone, and you still have a shot against jank decks with Painterstone, and you have a shot against non-blue decks with Spinal villain + Painter stone, and most importantly, it's the best deck to play against Merfolks.

On a more serious note, I'm building this deck for the lulz. going to order me all these cards now and sleeve it up and bring it to a tourney when I see more than 50% of people playing Merfolks. Eat it! Brown and crispy!

Didn't you know? Sporeback Troll is basically a Sporefrog with a bigger body that doesn't involve the Emrakul + Fauna Shaman loop now that Survival is banned. The bigger body is more relevant in CRUSHING merfolks!

@kusumoto: Because Imperial Painter has more dead cards against Merfolks. Why should I play 6-8 Moon effects when I can play more Active Volcanos and Spinal Villain? Also Nourishing Lich is just going to go off on a Ritual so shuts off your Moon Strategy. You want as many REB as you can have so you have a chance at fizzling their combo when they get Lich online.

And why the hell is Spinal Villain $12-20????? My dreams of crushing Merfolk might be taking a detour lol

[(nameless one)]

Why not just play Imperial painter?
It's actually good and moon effects stop wasteland/mutavault plus they beat good decks.

This all seems very silly.

I think this is more geared to be a metagame deck (or just a hate deck in general). I personally love hate decks. At one point, My Quinn was deck was fully equip to assrape Combo and Vengevine Survival (to a point that I ran maindeck Leyline of Sanctity, along with Humility). It was effective against the mentioned decks but it sucked against everything else.

Besides, lighten up, its on the casual forums.

[rufus]

REB.deck was a top tier vintage deck. I'm also under the impression that Goblins would be a stronger anti-merfolk choice than servant/grindstone.

[kusumoto]

I think this is more geared to be a metagame deck (or just a hate deck in general). I personally love hate decks. At one point, My Quinn was deck was fully equip to assrape Combo and Vengevine Survival (to a point that I ran maindeck Leyline of Sanctity, along with Humility). It was effective against the mentioned decks but it sucked against everything else.

Besides, lighten up, its on the casual forums.

I never notice when I am in the casual forums. I just click on the most recent item that shows up on the main forums section. I also didn't think to check when I saw 4 Imperial Recruiters in the deck.

Casual or not you need Simian Spirit Guides. Get those guys in there. You could also replace the for some reason expensive Spinal Villians with Phyrexian Revokers.

[kiblast]

I'm currently working on something playable based aound Spinal Villain and Painter Stone. Spinal Villain is such a lovely tech.

[Jason]

And why the hell is Spinal Villain $12-20????? My dreams of crushing Merfolk might be taking a detour lol

How is this a problem and 4x Imperial Recruiter isn't? methinks that makes no sense...

[kusumoto]

How is this a problem and 4x Imperial Recruiter isn't? methinks that makes no sense...

I suppose he might already have Recruiters.

[death]

If you hate Merfolks as much as I do, I recommend you play this list, you may still lose to Merfolks though because they can probably draw the shit no matter what you do

Instead of going mono-red, I would probably splash blue. Cast Recruiter for Llawan, Cephalid Empress. Drop Llawan with FoW, REB backup, win.

[DukeDemonKn1ght]

The mighty Armies of the Fish fear not your paltry distractions and inefficient creature selections.

In all seriousness though, I think this would be a headache to play against with Fish. However, we still have a couple outs: steal your creatures, counterspell Painter's Servant at all costs, the white splash for targeted removal seems like it would be decent against you, etc. On the whole though, I hope I never run into this at a tournament with my Merf deck. But you are aware that compared to a normal PainterStone deck, you sacrifice a lot of decent-to-positive matchups against the rest of the field, right?

[GGoober]

In all seriousness though, I think this would be a headache to play against with Fish. However, we still have a couple outs: steal your creatures, counterspell Painter's Servant at all costs, the white splash for targeted removal seems like it would be decent against you, etc.

DAMN YOU FISHIES! I CANNOT BEAT YOU WITH 12 REBS AND 4 BOLTS! Burns the sea. Guys this is a casual subforum, hence the ridiculous list :P And I don't own 4 Recruiters :P

[Admiral_Arzar]

I was wondering how long it would take for people to realize this wasn't serious O.o

I realized that as soon as I saw the deck name lol.

[Mystical_Jackass]

How is this creative, it's Imperial Painter + a creature and a few more Pyroblasts :X

Any list with Firespout and with some hand removal or counters could hate on merfolk just as well, there's nothing original here.

[DukeDemonKn1ght]

I was wondering how long it would take for people to realize this wasn't serious O.o

I realized that as soon as I saw the deck name lol.

Yeah, thanks April Fools' Day preemptive strike. I mean, yeah I knew this wasn't like... gonna win any major events. Nor was it proposed in order to.

But yeah, I could see someone getting pissed off enough at playing against Merfolk over and over (and simultaneously not wanting to play Zoo/ Goblins themselves, because these decks are just about equally as boring as Merfolk)... That yeah, I pretty much took this seriously at first blush.

[GGoober]

You guys think too much, this deck owns Merfolks more than gobs. Here's the proof:

http://www.lexeat.com/Fast%20Food/Fast%20Food%20Pix/FF%209.JPG

And the red sauce isn't ketchup. I collected those from Merror Reejerey and Coralhelm Commanders.

[GGoober]

This deck no longer beats Merfolks:

{PU} Mental Misstep
Instant
{PU} can be paid with either U or 2 life.
Counter target spell with cmc1.

RAGERAGEARAGE!

[evanmartyr]

No, screw that. MMS counters a ton of the deck, but it's still complete crap since they're replacing Cursecatchers with it, and they would have countered your shit anyway. Net gain is not much.

I'm seriously considering putting this deck together and running it when I next tourney it up. I doubt I'll be able to afford Recruiters, so either Isochron Scepters or SSGs for their slots.

Since the deck is a bit...you know...one-sided, it may be worth running 1-ofs of cards that aren't necessarily merfolk-hating but give you a chance in game one against other decks. If you're running Recruiters, Magus of the Moon comes to mind.

I'll be running 4x Reign of Chaos in the SB, because fuck Merfolk. Totally at a loss as to how to make it decent against real decks, though.

[DukeDemonKn1ght]

No, screw that. MMS counters a ton of the deck, but it's still complete crap since they're replacing Cursecatchers with it, and they would have countered your shit anyway. Net gain is not much.

I'm seriously considering putting this deck together and running it when I next tourney it up. I doubt I'll be able to afford Recruiters, so either Isochron Scepters or SSGs for their slots.

Since the deck is a bit...you know...one-sided, it may be worth running 1-ofs of cards that aren't necessarily merfolk-hating but give you a chance in game one against other decks. If you're running Recruiters, Magus of the Moon comes to mind.

I'll be running 4x Reign of Chaos in the SB, because fuck Merfolk. Totally at a loss as to how to make it decent against real decks, though.

Since I've decided to be this thread's unofficial devil's advocate...

Reign of Chaos seems really slow and will probably get countered. This is exactly the type of spell that we love to Daze. Not to mention that between playing around Daze and Wasteland, you could well be dead by the time you have a clear shot of casting this. So, not only is it not "decent against real decks," it's not all that good against real decks either. Real decks like, y'know, Merfolk.

And no one is cutting Cursecatcher for Mental Misstep. No one I've seen or heard around these forums, at least. Most Merfolk players run both as a four-of, because, y'know... they're really good cards.

[evanmartyr]

Ah, last time I looked into what all Merfolk people were doing there were those who were cutting spells for MMS and some that were cutting Cursecatcher. Dunno. Point to you.

Of course Reign of Chaos is slow. It may get countered. I'm not sure that I care all that much about how slow it is, since I'll be "playing around" Daze and FoW and (I guess) Cursecatcher, all of which are counterable by my own stuff and really, if you're holding a Daze or Force of Will to avoid getting blown out by Reign of Chaos and are letting me run around with Painters and Spinal Villains and Grim Lavamancers, then I'm perfectly ok with you countering it, since you've probably already lost (really, outside of Jitte, how the heck do you deal with a resolved Spinal Villain game one? Race it? Good luck).

This deck doesn't really play around Wasteland. Other than its own Wastelands, it has zero reason to give a shit. And really, if you're playing Long John Painter, I'm not sure you should even bother giving a shit. About anything. This is a deck you play to annihilate another specific deck, and maybe get enough splash damage on random douches playing Bant and whatever to force through a couple soul-destroying wins against them. If you don't kill merfolk, then wtf, they're merfolk, what were you supposed to do? Play 13 blasts? As if.

Manic Vandal might be a good maindeck inclusion, since a Chalice for 1 is hard to beat, and equipment is good against your weeny little critters. Probably a good budget replacement for Recruiter.

[Guy I Don't Know]

I think magnetic mountain is a must in this deck :)

[evanmartyr]

I think magnetic mountain is a must in this deck :)

Eh...Magnetic Mountain still lets them get an attack off, and it doesn't actually remove threats or push through other spells. They can just develop with Aether Vial and untap the stuff they need to with their lands, in a worst-case scenario. In any case, it'd be hard to find a spot for it.

[DukeDemonKn1ght]

I'm just joshin' ya man. Figured since there's an entire semi-serious deck devoted to beating Merfolk (and as you point out, punting nearly every other matchup), there should be at least one Merfolk player in here acting like a villain. :)

[evanmartyr]

I'm just joshin' ya man :)

Argh. TROLLED BY MERFOLK YET A-FUCKING-GAIN.

[Malchar]

You could speed up the deck a lot by using city of traitors or ancient tomb and maybe even chrome mox. The double colorless lands work great because you can easily cast painter and all the cards that cost 2R. Also, viashino heretic works pretty good against artifacts, so you can take down their aether vial.

[kinda]

Splash blue for llawan (it combos with painter servant) and while your fixing the mana base and sol lands. Oh, while your at it splash white for enlightened tutor since servant is kinda necessary and cut active volcano. This deck should be in established in about a month.

[GGoober]

Fucking Spinal Villains are too expensive on Ebay. I took a break from this deck because MMS was printed. It totally destroyed this deck. Until I can get some Spinal Villains cheap, I can't play this for the next few weeks. I'll bet you SCG is going to raise prices of Spinal Villains too because this is the only deck that beats Merfolks, but these days, you still can't really win games when they draw infinite Wastelands, infinite counters and infinite creatures.

[kinda]

Fucking Spinal Villains are too expensive on Ebay. I took a break from this deck because MMS was printed. It totally destroyed this deck. Until I can get some Spinal Villains cheap, I can't play this for the next few weeks. I'll bet you SCG is going to raise prices of Spinal Villains too because this is the only deck that beats Merfolks, but these days, you still can't really win games when they draw infinite Wastelands, infinite counters and infinite creatures.

Yeah, spinal villain is ridiculously good...it's almost better than grim lavamancer against merfolk.

[DukeDemonKn1ght]

Argh. TROLLED BY MERFOLK YET A-FUCKING-GAIN.

Or maybe I should have said "...in here acting like a Spinal Villain." I assure you man, 'twas all in good fun. :smile:

[GGoober]

Quoting Bryant Cook


Stop ruining my thread people

Really stop it Merfolk players..

(:P)