1337erhosen
06-23-2014, 12:20 AM
waddup. This is a true story.
In case ya'll were unaware, goblins with Thalia is hot like a Chili Pepper in a bikini in Texas in July.
I ran this spicy stromboli pile into a 10 man deathmatch at my local torture dungeon today.
4 Goblin Lackey
4 Goblin Matron
4 Goblin Warchief
4 Goblin Ringleader
3 Thalia, Guardian of my Virginity
2 Mogg War Marshall
2 Krenko, Kneecap Annihilator
2 Gempalm Incinerator
1 Goblin Piledriver
1 Goblin Chieftain
1 Tuk-Tuk Scrapper
1 Stingscourger
3 Tarfizzle
4 Cavern of Souls
4 Wasteland
4 Arid Mesa
3 Wooded Foothills
3 Bloodstained Mire
1 Scalding Tarn
2 Plateau
3 Montagne (It's French, like a Royale with Cheese)
SB:
4 Rest in Peace
3 Wear/Tear
3 O-Ring
3 Pyrokenisis
2 Ethersworn Cannonist
Pregame:
Spent last night getting mad crunk with the boys. I'm a professional rapper, so you know how we do. Sleep 5 hours, but no hangover, so the mind's sharp like a month-old disposable razor. Chain smoke all morning and embrace the tar.
Decided to play MUD the night before, so throw that together.
An hour before go-time, audible to Welder MUD
38 minutes before go-time, decide my beard isn't large enough, audible to Goblins
Get there 20 minutes early, and no victims have arrived. Play the dark mysterious character and have a smoke in front of the tanning salon next door. Don't make eye contact with anyone who enters.
*Note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent
Match 1: Elves
Game 1: Cold-chilling across the table from me is Chad, a local PTQ dude who is known for finishes with RUG diddles. Losing the die roll, I keep a gold-standard double Vial Wasteland Lackey Matron hand. He leads on basic forest, Deathrite Shaman, and I lose the game 3 turns later.
This Chad guy is pretty swindly, so I decide to show no mercy and board correctly.
- Thalia, Scrapper, and War Marshall
+ Pyrokenisis, Canonist
Game 2 starts with me glaring into the dead eyes of an elves player, and knowing I will do what I must.
Highlights: Getting a slow start, coughing several times, Dealing 9 damage with Piledriver over 3 turns, scratching my head, Spending 6 mana to cast Pyrokenisis, and getting my private parts violated by the Hoof.
0-1
Match 2: Welder MUD
Another dude named Chad borrowed the MUD list I was going to play. But his beard was not large enough, and I vowed to make him pay for that indiscretion.
Game 1 Highlights: Tarfire killing G-Weezy, Aether Vial activations, and Wasteland beating MUD for the first time in the history of the archetype.
Beard, I mean board time. Time to get hot and heavy
- War Marshalls and a Gempalm
+ Wear/Tear/Destroy
Game 2 Highlights: Playing Thalia, Beating Wasteland/Crucible lock, out-witting him by telepathically forcing him to grab Wurmcoil instead of Blightsteel on 3 consecutive Forgemaster activations, 22 Goblin tokens. No kneecaps were spared that day.
1-1
Match 3: Dredge
Saw I was paired against my homeboy Chad, who got paired down at 0-1-1 after masterfully going to time with Dredge. He decides my life is worth more than his, and bows down before his master by conceding.
Game 1 Highlights: Playing a game of Yu-Gi-Oh with proxy decks from the 2005 meta.
Too lazy to sideboard
Game 2 Highlights: Another smoke in front of the tanning salon, urinating in a public restroom, staring off into the middle distance.
2-1
Match 4: Jund Homebrew
A shop regular named Chad had his personal meatball.
Game 1 Highlights: 3 Tarmogoyfs, a 5/5 Bloodhall Ooooooze, Goblin Piledriver chump blocking, Dark Confidant living a healthy life of 3 turn cycles.
Had enough of this sideboarding garbage, start playing sloppy like the Joes you eat
-Thalia
+RIP
Game 2 Highlights: Wastelanding red sources, Mogg War-Marshall and his friend dealing 10 damage to the opponent, Chad giving up like I knew he would.
Game 3 Highlights: Yawning, a 9/9 Bloodhall Oooozzzzzzeeee, Krenko failing to break kneecaps, Ume Zume's Juttie Pootie resolving, Getting my Scrapper Thoughtseized, Remembering the US team playing futbol tonight, having no creatures in play.
2-2
Top 4: Elves Chad
Match Summary: Mulliganing, Glaring into the soulless eyes of my opponent, flicking my cards hoping they'll become relevent, going to the swamp and getting Shreked turn 4ish both games.
Conclusion:
Walked away with $$$30$$$ store credit. That's how we do work.
"Today was a good day" - Ice Cube
In case ya'll were unaware, goblins with Thalia is hot like a Chili Pepper in a bikini in Texas in July.
I ran this spicy stromboli pile into a 10 man deathmatch at my local torture dungeon today.
4 Goblin Lackey
4 Goblin Matron
4 Goblin Warchief
4 Goblin Ringleader
3 Thalia, Guardian of my Virginity
2 Mogg War Marshall
2 Krenko, Kneecap Annihilator
2 Gempalm Incinerator
1 Goblin Piledriver
1 Goblin Chieftain
1 Tuk-Tuk Scrapper
1 Stingscourger
3 Tarfizzle
4 Cavern of Souls
4 Wasteland
4 Arid Mesa
3 Wooded Foothills
3 Bloodstained Mire
1 Scalding Tarn
2 Plateau
3 Montagne (It's French, like a Royale with Cheese)
SB:
4 Rest in Peace
3 Wear/Tear
3 O-Ring
3 Pyrokenisis
2 Ethersworn Cannonist
Pregame:
Spent last night getting mad crunk with the boys. I'm a professional rapper, so you know how we do. Sleep 5 hours, but no hangover, so the mind's sharp like a month-old disposable razor. Chain smoke all morning and embrace the tar.
Decided to play MUD the night before, so throw that together.
An hour before go-time, audible to Welder MUD
38 minutes before go-time, decide my beard isn't large enough, audible to Goblins
Get there 20 minutes early, and no victims have arrived. Play the dark mysterious character and have a smoke in front of the tanning salon next door. Don't make eye contact with anyone who enters.
*Note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent
Match 1: Elves
Game 1: Cold-chilling across the table from me is Chad, a local PTQ dude who is known for finishes with RUG diddles. Losing the die roll, I keep a gold-standard double Vial Wasteland Lackey Matron hand. He leads on basic forest, Deathrite Shaman, and I lose the game 3 turns later.
This Chad guy is pretty swindly, so I decide to show no mercy and board correctly.
- Thalia, Scrapper, and War Marshall
+ Pyrokenisis, Canonist
Game 2 starts with me glaring into the dead eyes of an elves player, and knowing I will do what I must.
Highlights: Getting a slow start, coughing several times, Dealing 9 damage with Piledriver over 3 turns, scratching my head, Spending 6 mana to cast Pyrokenisis, and getting my private parts violated by the Hoof.
0-1
Match 2: Welder MUD
Another dude named Chad borrowed the MUD list I was going to play. But his beard was not large enough, and I vowed to make him pay for that indiscretion.
Game 1 Highlights: Tarfire killing G-Weezy, Aether Vial activations, and Wasteland beating MUD for the first time in the history of the archetype.
Beard, I mean board time. Time to get hot and heavy
- War Marshalls and a Gempalm
+ Wear/Tear/Destroy
Game 2 Highlights: Playing Thalia, Beating Wasteland/Crucible lock, out-witting him by telepathically forcing him to grab Wurmcoil instead of Blightsteel on 3 consecutive Forgemaster activations, 22 Goblin tokens. No kneecaps were spared that day.
1-1
Match 3: Dredge
Saw I was paired against my homeboy Chad, who got paired down at 0-1-1 after masterfully going to time with Dredge. He decides my life is worth more than his, and bows down before his master by conceding.
Game 1 Highlights: Playing a game of Yu-Gi-Oh with proxy decks from the 2005 meta.
Too lazy to sideboard
Game 2 Highlights: Another smoke in front of the tanning salon, urinating in a public restroom, staring off into the middle distance.
2-1
Match 4: Jund Homebrew
A shop regular named Chad had his personal meatball.
Game 1 Highlights: 3 Tarmogoyfs, a 5/5 Bloodhall Ooooooze, Goblin Piledriver chump blocking, Dark Confidant living a healthy life of 3 turn cycles.
Had enough of this sideboarding garbage, start playing sloppy like the Joes you eat
-Thalia
+RIP
Game 2 Highlights: Wastelanding red sources, Mogg War-Marshall and his friend dealing 10 damage to the opponent, Chad giving up like I knew he would.
Game 3 Highlights: Yawning, a 9/9 Bloodhall Oooozzzzzzeeee, Krenko failing to break kneecaps, Ume Zume's Juttie Pootie resolving, Getting my Scrapper Thoughtseized, Remembering the US team playing futbol tonight, having no creatures in play.
2-2
Top 4: Elves Chad
Match Summary: Mulliganing, Glaring into the soulless eyes of my opponent, flicking my cards hoping they'll become relevent, going to the swamp and getting Shreked turn 4ish both games.
Conclusion:
Walked away with $$$30$$$ store credit. That's how we do work.
"Today was a good day" - Ice Cube