Obligatory shitty card creation thread

Kiku, Shadow Assassian

BB
1/1

1BB T: Target creature deals damage equal to itself equal to its power.
1BB T: Remove a number of loyalty counters from target planeswalker equal to the cost of its second loyalty ability.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FourDogsinaHorseSuit

Kiku, Shadow Assassian

BB
1/1

1BB T: Target creature deals damage equal to itself equal to its power.
1BB T: Remove a number of loyalty counters from target planeswalker equal to the cost of its second loyalty ability.

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I think it needs "Shadow". :)

Also, I don't think the second ability will usually do very much. Just looking at some random planeswalkers and some commonly played ones:

Ajani, Inspiring Leader - Loses 3 counters.
Chandra Ablaze - Loses 2 counters.
Chandra, Acolyte of Flame - Loses 0 counters.
Ashiok, Dream Render - Loses 0 counters.
Ashiok, Nightmare Weaver - Loses 0 counters. (?)
Oko, Thief of Crowns - Loses 1 counter.
Jace, the Mind Sculptor - Loses 0 counters.

For a 1BBBB + tap investment, it does not seem worth it. It might just be better as an X ability:

X, T: Remove X loyalty counters from target planeswalker.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Whoshim

I think it needs "Shadow". :)

Also, I don't think the second ability will usually do very much. Just looking at some random planeswalkers and some commonly played ones:

Ajani, Inspiring Leader - Loses 3 counters.
Chandra Ablaze - Loses 2 counters.
Chandra, Acolyte of Flame - Loses 0 counters.
Ashiok, Dream Render - Loses 0 counters.
Ashiok, Nightmare Weaver - Loses 0 counters. (?)
Oko, Thief of Crowns - Loses 1 counter.
Jace, the Mind Sculptor - Loses 0 counters.

For a 1BBBB + tap investment, it does not seem worth it. It might just be better as an X ability:

X, T: Remove X loyalty counters from target planeswalker.

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There was also tons of creatures the original kiku didn't kill as well.
I mean sure, your version is a better card but doesn't capture the original as well.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FourDogsinaHorseSuit

Kiku, Shadow Assassian

BB
1/1

1BB T: Target creature deals damage equal to itself equal to its power.
1BB T: Remove a number of loyalty counters from target planeswalker equal to the cost of its second loyalty ability.

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This will confuse players because on some PWs the second loyalty ability has a plus cost and on others a minus. At least, I’m confused as to what your templating means. Use the absolute value? Also, “the second” loyalty ability is awkward. I’d just make them lose their starting loyalty.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FourDogsinaHorseSuit

There was also tons of creatures the original kiku didn't kill as well.
I mean sure, your version is a better card but doesn't capture the original as well.

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Well, what I am saying is that I don't know as the original ability is even worth printing. I enjoy corner case uses and things of that nature, but there is a vanishingly small amount of situations in which "1BB T: Remove a number of loyalty counters from target planeswalker equal to the cost of its second loyalty ability." would ever be used.

The second ability seems to be an attempt to make an equivalent of the first ability for planeswalkers, but thematically it seems more like a mosquito than an assassin.

I quickly went through every result for "t:planeswalker" on scryfall, writing down the absolute value of the second loyalty ability (if the planeswalker had only one ability, it was not recorded).

There were 197 results:
0=17
1=44
2=61
3=58
4=3
5=1
6=1
7=2
8=2
9=1
X=7

The average (not including the X) is 2.1157.

For about 1/3 of the planeswalkers, using the ability is better or no different than attacking the planeswalker. For another third, it is twice the damage. For the remaining third, it can do a decent amount, but maybe not even enough to remove the planeswalker from the table.

I think the following would be fine:

Kiku, Shadow Assassian

BB
1/1

Shadow
1BB T: Destroy target creature or planeswalker.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FourDogsinaHorseSuit

Kiku, Shadow Assassian

BB
1/1

1BB T: Target creature deals damage equal to itself equal to its power.
1BB T: Remove a number of loyalty counters from target planeswalker equal to the cost of its second loyalty ability.

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Second activated ability should just have the planeswalker deal damage to itself equal to its starting loyalty, second loyalty ability is not well-defined.

Modern design would probably mandate that the first activated ability includes other.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BirdsOfParadise

This will confuse players because on some PWs the second loyalty ability has a plus cost and on others a minus. At least, I’m confused as to what your templating means. Use the absolute value? Also, “the second” loyalty ability is awkward. I’d just make them lose their starting loyalty.

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I tried to find a way to word it and it doesn't look like I succeeded. I like your starting loyalty ability, idea even if it's more thermically "toughness" than power.

Spell scars:
:ub::ub:
Counter target non-creature spell unless its controller pays :2: if :u: was spent to cast this spell.
Target creature gets -2/-2 if :b: was spent to cast this spell.
Do both if :u::b: was spent.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FourDogsinaHorseSuit

Spell scars

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I like it but sort of want to reward UU and BB. Maybe:

Spell scars :ub::ub:
Instant
Counter target non-creature spell unless its controller pays :1: for each :u: spent to cast this spell.
Target creature gets -1/-1 for each :b: spent to cast this spell.

It is weaker as a UB card, but I think it might be more balanced as an uncommon without many swingy 2 for 1s.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cire

I like it but sort of want to reward UU and BB. Maybe:

Spell scars :ub::ub:
Instant
Counter target non-creature spell unless its controller pays 1 for each u spent to cast this spell.
Target creature gets -1/-1 for each :b: spent to cast this spell.

It is weaker as a UB card, but I think it might be more balanced as an uncommon without many swingy 2 for 1s.

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I think tho that's a little too weak for any format beyond draft especially since the baseline for creatures became 1/2 instead of 1/1.

How about:
Spell scars :ub::ub:
Instant
If you payed :u: to cast this spell counter up to one target non-creature spell unless its controller pays :1: for each :u: spent to cast this spell.
If you payed :b: to cast this spell up to one target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn where X is 1 + the amount of :b: spent on this spell.

Or we can split the difference and it's counter any spell instead of non creature and -1/-1 counters instead of until end of turn

Animate Weapon
Enchantment - Aura
:1::u:
Enchant Equpment
Enchanted equipment is an X/X creature in addition to its other types where X is equal to its converted mana cost. It gains each ability it would have gained as if it was equipped to itself.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FourDogsinaHorseSuit

Animate Weapon
Enchantment - Aura
:1::u:
Enchant Equpment
Enchanted equipment is an X/X creature in addition to its other types where X is equal to its converted mana cost. It gains each ability it would have gained as if it was equipped to itself.

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Seems pretty close to https://scryfall.com/card/cm2/43/grip-of-phyresis

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FourDogsinaHorseSuit

Animate Weapon
Enchantment - Aura
:1::u:
Enchant Equpment
Enchanted equipment is an X/X creature in addition to its other types where X is equal to its converted mana cost. It gains each ability it would have gained as if it was equipped to itself.

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Batterskull is likely a problem as it becomes a 9/9 vigilance lifelink creature.

However, I really like this with Colossus Hammer.

There are some other issues, like with Sunforger. Would this creature be unable to use the ability, or use it as many times as it likes? There are 12 equipment cards with "unattach" (https://scryfall.com/search?q=o%3Aun...rid&order=name).

Scrap the Lot!

Sorcery 2R

Destroy all artifacts.

Deal 1 damage to each player for each artifact in his or her graveyard.

Exile all artifacts from all graveyards.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Whoshim

Batterskull is likely a problem as it becomes a 9/9 vigilance lifelink creature. ...

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That's certainly not a power level problem. In legacy you can reanimate Grisselbrand for a smaller investment.

Quote:

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There are some other issues, like with Sunforger. Would this creature be unable to use the ability, or use it as many times as it likes? ...

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It's not attached, so it can't un-attach as a cost.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FourDogsinaHorseSuit

Spell scars:
:ub::ub:
Counter target non-creature spell unless its controller pays :2: if :u: was spent to cast this spell.
Target creature gets -2/-2 if :b: was spent to cast this spell.
Do both if :u::b: was spent.

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With that template there would have to be a spell on the stack and a creature in play for it to be castable.

There could be a fun cycle with:

Choose one or more:
* Counter target spell unless its controller pays 2. You may only chose this effect if U was paid to cast this spell.
* Target creature gets -2/-2. You may only chose this effect if B was paid to cast this spell.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rufus

With that template there would have to be a spell on the stack and a creature in play for it to be castable.

There could be a fun cycle with:

Choose one or more:
* Counter target spell unless its controller pays 2. You may only chose this effect if U was paid to cast this spell.
* Target creature gets -2/-2. You may only chose this effect if B was paid to cast this spell.

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Scroll up

Wish Lantern
Artifact 3
Tap, sacrifice: The next time you would search your library this turn, you may search outside the game instead. (you still follow the parameters of the search)

Death's Verdict
:b::b:
Instant
Escalate -- Sacrifice a creature
Choose one or more:
Target player sacrifices a creature.
Target player sacrifices a planeswalker.
Target player sacrifices an enchantment.