Most unfortunate Magic Art

While reading the 'Worst Magic card' thread, I searched the Homelands expansion for some goldies. This brought me to the following card:
http://magiccards.info/scans/en/hl/74.jpg
Yeah, he's a faerie alright.

It's not extremely bad per-se. But the art is so unfortunate, it deserves special attention.

So my mind began to wonder, what would be the worst Magic art? Since this is very subject to personal flavor, I figured perhaps see what the most unfortunate Magic art would be? The next card came to mind:

http://magiccards.info/scans/en/vi/73.jpg

Uktabi Orangutan is referred to as 'Sex Monkeys' because of the monkeys in the back. It even got its own follow-up card in Unhinged:

http://magiccards.info/scans/en/uh/115.jpg

So my question to you guys: what is the most unfortunate Magic art you've ever seen?

I think that in stone age, there were some problems with this art:

http://resources.wizards.com/Magic/C...us/Card193.jpg

Also this one is indeed stupid:

http://resources.wizards.com/Magic/C.../Card97116.jpg

http://magiccards.info/scans/en/wl/7.jpg

I've always hated that art.

Hey, I love the Macabre Waltz art.

http://magiccards.info/scans/en/mr/171.jpg

Cyclops penis and an almost naked cyclops woman riding a giant wang which has several smaller, also phallic-looking mushrooms on it.

Hard to beat that one.

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Originally Posted by Barook

Cyclops penis and an almost naked cyclops woman riding a giant wang which has several smaller, also phallic-looking mushrooms on it.

Hard to beat that one.

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Even the flavour text fits! Awesome! :laugh:

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Originally Posted by Barook

http://magiccards.info/scans/en/mr/171.jpg

Cyclops penis and an almost naked cyclops woman riding a giant wang which has several smaller, also phallic-looking mushrooms on it.

Hard to beat that one.

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N1, especially she sits on those mushrooms and he is swinging naked in the air.

The two moons could be 'nads...

Thornling has pretty unfortunate art in relation to the rest of the 'Lings.

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Originally Posted by vigilante

http://magiccards.info/scans/en/wl/7.jpg

I've always hated that art.

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I've never seen that card.

I actually kind of like it - looks kind of like a mosaic.

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Originally Posted by Sek'Kuar

Thornling has pretty unfortunate art in relation to the rest of the 'Lings.

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Besides the Art being shitty, and the card not being 3/3, he's also an Elemental Shapeshifter instead of just a Shapeshifter. It's a complete 'ling'-outcast.

Back on topic:
http://magiccards.info/scans/en/mr/50.jpg
Not as unforunate as the rest (although this looks like a shemale), but this Robert Bliss guy certainly has issues.

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Originally Posted by Skeggi

Not as unforunate as the rest (although this looks like a shemale), but this Robert Bliss guy certainly has issues.

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Seems every single thing this guy makes is Unfortunate. Always nakid manly things in every painting.

http://ww2.wizards.com/gatherer/inde...mary&sort=name

Also idk if its the same guy (because this ones dead) but..http://www.askart.com/AskART/artists...&artist=106015

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Originally Posted by jakolhops

Also idk if its the same guy (because this ones dead) but..

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Could be...Robert Bliss hasn't made new art for Magic since what? 1997?

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Originally Posted by Skeggi

Could be...Robert Bliss hasn't made new art for Magic since what? 1997?

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Nah, this Robert Bliss is still around.

Most of his work is actually fantastic, loincloths notwithstanding.

I always kind of liked the "Bondage Girl".



http://resources.wizards.com/Magic/C...us/Card193.jpg

http://magiccards.info/scans/en/4e/318.jpg

Most of the 7th edition art...they all had new art, yet a lot of it seemed out of place for a set of reprints...

I can't seem to find a picture, probably because I'm at work but I believe the card was Deadshot and the guy in the picture looks a lot like OJ and he's got a knife in his hand. Then again I suppose that's only unfortunate if you're a waiter, or dating one.

If I knew how to post a picture, I would post one of muscle sliver. Why does the muscle sliver look like the alien from "Aliens" when all the other slivers look like giant, evil apostrophes? That has always vexed me. It's like Richard Kane Ferguson wanted to give Wizards a hearty "fuck you" that would be tournament playable once every five years.

This is one of the funniest innuendo's i've seen - the picture just completes the flavor text


So just what exactly is the initiation process to becoming a cleric en-Vec, and what do you mean by blows?

http://resources.wizards.com/Magic/C...s/Card4870.jpg

This is a famous one. Mostly because they removed the pentagram in later sets because parents were scared the game was satanic.

But what the hell is up with that pentagram anyway? Doesn't Douglas Schuler know how to draw a circle?!

http://www.essentialmagicimages.com/4/684.jpg

It's not bad but they certainly failed on the art for Thornling. Way to stay in theme.

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Originally Posted by Viscosity

This is a famous one. Mostly because they removed the pentagram in later sets because parents were scared the game was satanic.

But what the hell is up with that pentagram anyway? Doesn't Douglas Schuler know how to draw a circle?!

http://www.essentialmagicimages.com/4/684.jpg

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This is a funny one. Doug used to come in to my store in Colorado once in a while, he's a really nice guy so I can give him a pass on the bad geometry. He signed so many FBB hippies for me, I can't give him any crap.

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Originally Posted by jeremys

I can't seem to find a picture, probably because I'm at work but I believe the card was Deadshot and the guy in the picture looks a lot like OJ and he's got a knife in his hand. Then again I suppose that's only unfortunate if you're a waiter, or dating one.

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http://magiccards.info/scans/en/tp/170.jpg

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Originally Posted by Slag

If I knew how to post a picture, I would post one of muscle sliver. Why does the muscle sliver look like the alien from "Aliens" when all the other slivers look like giant, evil apostrophes? That has always vexed me. It's like Richard Kane Ferguson wanted to give Wizards a hearty "fuck you" that would be tournament playable once every five years.

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http://magiccards.info/scans/en/tp/132.jpg
On a side note: if you want to post a picture: just get the pic's URL and type [ img]URL[ /img] around it, without the spaces between the brackets. Another tip: if you want to know how someone posted a certain thing, quote him and read back how he did it.

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Originally Posted by mugs

So just what exactly is the initiation process to becoming a cleric en-Vec, and what do you mean by blows?

http://resources.wizards.com/Magic/C...s/Card4870.jpg

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Lol! Good one! I think this one deserves special attention too :wink:

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Originally Posted by mugs

This is one of the funniest innuendo's i've seen - the picture just completes the flavor text


So just what exactly is the initiation process to becoming a cleric en-Vec, and what do you mean by blows?

http://resources.wizards.com/Magic/C...s/Card4870.jpg

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Wow, thats fucking hilarious! I need a playset of these now...

Ponder. Hands down, not even close.

Like, for the third best 1-mana Blue spell ever (and one of the best Blue spells ever, and thus one of the best spells ever), you'd expect the art to be at least pretty good.

But nope. The art is a complete disaster.

I remember as a child, my friends and I had a house rule that this fuck flew because of his goddamn picture(!!!!!):
http://www.coolstuffinc.com/images/P...en%20Shade.jpg

Knock knock

"Who's there?"

"lolsomethingthatshouldfuckingfly"

http://www.wizards.com/global/images...ippoorwill.jpg

My hate for this art also started as a child too. I believe I used to call her "pimple tits" and my very first deck had like ten copies of her from Arabian Nights...

http://www.wizards.com/global/images...ran_Ogress.jpg

Active Volcano semmms pretty bad

This art is pretty fucking awful:
http://magiccards.info/scans/en/7e/298.jpg

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Originally Posted by KillemallCFH

This art is pretty fucking awful:
http://magiccards.info/scans/en/7e/298.jpg

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It's Battle-Buddy Jesus! Lets kick some Roman Ass!

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Originally Posted by Sek'Kuar

It's Battle-Buddy Jesus! Lets kick some Roman Ass!

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Here's some real Battle-Buddy Jesus.

My vote goes to Blue Mana Battery (previous page). Painting that can't have taken the artist (or his little daughter) more than two minutes.

I've always gotten a kick out of this one. looks like she's about to shove that poor guy in her crotch.


http://magiccards.info/scans/en/lg/268.jpg

All 7th ed for me.

If the skullcap is grafted on, why is his hair still growing?

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Originally Posted by Gheizen64

All 7th ed for me.

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QFT. Let's get some examples...

Is this supposed to be a positive Aura?

http://magiccards.info/scans/en/7e/168.jpg
If I had to pick, I'd rather fight a legless bloated torso than an actually healthy human, but maybe that's just me.




Creative description: "This card makes hordes of similar creatures more powerful. Make sure this is reflected in the art."

http://magiccards.info/scans/en/7e/290.jpg

"...thanks, Alex. That's just perfect."


Speaking of which, what illustrates the concept of haste better...

http://magiccards.info/scans/en/7e/181.jpg

...than a bunch of goblins... uh... standing still and waiting?


This one looks uninspiring, but otherwise fine...
http://magiccards.info/scans/en/7e/315.jpg
...until you realize that, according to the art, Sisay either got her ring stolen or she pulled a Michael Jackson.


Feel free to continue, there's 330 cards in Seventh edition and I think at least a third of them are worth of outright mockery.

The Shivan Dragon was pretty good.

Although that Fallen Angel. Wow. At least the other two iterations of the card had really badass artwork.

Surely Word of Command has to be up there on any worst art lists? It couldn't have taken more than 30 seconds to draw.

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Originally Posted by Occam

Surely Word of Command has to be up there on any worst art lists? It couldn't have taken more than 30 seconds to draw.

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I actually like it. I'm not sure that it fits the card but it isn't "bad" art at all.

Yeah, Seventh was pretty bad as far as art goes.

However, my vote goes to the Tempest Circles of Protection because they all fucking look like gray swirly shit. How the hell does monochrome mist protect me from magic of these colors?

http://magiccards.info/scans/en/tp/225.jpg http://magiccards.info/scans/en/tp/221.jpg
http://magiccards.info/scans/en/tp/220.jpg http://magiccards.info/scans/en/tp/223.jpg
http://magiccards.info/scans/en/tp/222.jpg http://magiccards.info/scans/en/tp/224.jpg

I'm generally not a fan of any of Harold McNeill's art.

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Originally Posted by dahcmai

I've always gotten a kick out of this one. looks like she's about to shove that poor guy in her crotch.


http://magiccards.info/scans/en/lg/268.jpg

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She probably is. Remember, GDC is the kind of person who shags you, then bags you. She is NOT nice, but you get laid first. I believe that, according to the storyline, she either robs/kills/turns you over to the authorities when you enter the post-awesome-sex deep-sleep.