That's right cock-knockers. We're back!!!!
After an regrettably extended vacation from the tournament scene, Team Calosso decided to make a trip to New York this past weekend to further our world domination.
Since our past adventure, Team Calosso has added a new member to the roster. We'll call him..........Creach. Creach sets a new standard for the team, as according to his IQ, even the autonomic functions of his brain shouldn't be enough to keep him alive. A find if there ever was one.
As per usual, the Wise and Mighty Calosso Fuentes could not grace us with His majestic presence on this venture. Word has it that He was denied entry back into the country after His scientific expedition to the North Pole to solve the melting ice caps. You would think that something as trivial as a "passport" and "citizenship" could be overlooked for Our Savior. His vengence shall be swift and mighty indeed.
Alix (Calosso's personal driver), and Jesse Hatfield (Calosso's personal hair stylist) picked me up late Friday night with Creach in tow. I had to feign slumber to avoid the barrage of inane mumblings Creach spewed for the duration of the ride. Reprisals would have to be foregone however, as we all know that retards are the chosen of Calosso, and fall under His protection. Even when I have to sleep in the bathroom to avoid his mindless grunting all night.
As we arrived at Eli's, I immediately caught the strong scent of vagina. Since this was a Magic tournament, there was no doubt that Edinger was in the store somewhere. After groping him well, and attempting to molest the equally rarely-seen Kadilak, we proceeded to register our weapons of choice. Mine being:
Calosso Deck Wins 2K9
4 Golgari, Grave Troll
4 Stinkweed Imp
3 Golgari Thug
4 Narcomeoba
4 Ichorid
4 Putrid Imp
2 Sadistic Hypnotist
4 Breakthrough
4 Cabal Therapy
4 Bridge from Below
3 Unmask
2 Deep Analysis
3 Dread Return
4 Lions Eye Diamond
4 Cephalid Coliseum
4 Gemstone Mine
3 City of Brass
sb
1 city of brass
1 ancestor's chosen
1 unmask
2 tireless tribe
2 ancient grudge
4 firestorm
4 chain of vapor
Round One: Mike Farell: Goyf Sligh
Game One: Mike opens with Foothills, fetch Mountain, go. Protects him from both Stifle, and Wasteland. Unfortunately, it doesn't protect him from Land, LED, Breakthrough, Dread Return Sadistic Hypnotist, discard your entire hand, go.
Game Two: I politely nod as I listen to how I would have lost that game if he hadn't taken out Fanatics. I then watch as he plays his Lavamancer, go. I retort with Coliseum, LED, activate Coliseum. He does actually get two more turns in this game to add a Tarmogoyf and Magma Jet searching for a Crypt but scoops when I gain 29 life with Ancestor's. "I guess three Crypts don't get there against you, huh?" No, Mike. Not today anyway.
Round Two: Phil Supergay: Yin-Yang
Game One: I'm momentary dazzled by Phil's stunning looks, and neglect to mulligan a hand that will lose to a Thoughtseize. Phil however, plays land, go, and a Putrid Imp sets up a turn two Coliseum into turn three Hypnotist.
Game Two: A slow hand by myself combined with an E. Plague on Horror, plus and active Jitte gets me pretty quickly
Game Three: I have PImp that immediately gets Plowed. He then Scullers the Thug I sandbagged in case of Crypt. Doesn't have any other action though, as a Therapy reveals two Thoughseize, and a Sinkhole. I topdeck a Breakthrough to go with the land I've been holding the turn after he drops Plague on Illusion. Too bad for him that the Breakthrough hits three Narcomoebas while I have two Bridges active. I get a Hypnotist who gives Phil two turns to top deck, with no luck.
Round Three: Tariq Shazaam: Landstill
Game One: Really boring game where I slow dredge, and he slows me down with Wraths, Explosives, Plow and Fire/Ice. Can't stop the inevitable with his main deck though.
Game Two: He lands first turn Relic on the play. Trying to both bait him to use it, and get a free Narco, I toss a Thug to Tribe, with a Thug already in play. Stupidly forgetting he can tap to remove the Thug from my empty yard, then pay to activate Relic again. I deserved to lose.
Game Three: I mull to five. I first turn Therapy on Relic and nab one. He plays first turn Relic. He runs two total.
Round Four: John Parker: Rec-Sur
Game One: It's extremely rare to find a Lectroid from Planet Ten masquerading as a Jamaican Rasta playing Magic. Pehaps that why he didn't do so well. He scooped on turn three after a turn two Hypnotist.
Game Two: He also had no sideboard for Ichorid.
Round Five: Mr. Patnode: Team America
Game One: Mr. Patnode has a first name, but everyone calls him Mister. When you're 6'5, 265lbs., you get called whatever you want. Unfortunately, that doesn't help him in this game. Team America can't beat Ichorid in Game One.
Game Two; He plays a Crypt, which surprised the hell out of me from this deck. Unfortunately, his hand only had that, lands, and cantrips. They didn't get him anything by the time I could bounce Crypt and go off.
Round Six: Jon Quackenbush: Survival Elves
Game One: There is only one undefeated after round five, so with 59 player we can't risk drawing. I mull to five, and don't see much action. Nothing terribly interesting happens, he just runs me over with little guys. Which I pretend not to enjoy.
Game Two: I mull to five again. Unfortunately for the Birdman, his only action is a Natural Order which I Therapy. We get into some decent combat, until another Therapy nails two Lords trapped in his hand.
Game Three: I mull to six. It's a pretty good six though, and Birdman has no Ichorid hate.
Ouarter-Final: Mike "A. Legend, Hollywood, Thailor" Keller: Mono-Green Chalice Aggro
Game One: I have a slow start, but so does he. It comes down to him at three with a Goyf with Jitte and two counters, me at nine about to swing for lethal. He draws his card for the turn, then stands up in his chair, lifts his shirt, and begins to rub his nipples while gently moaning "Oh, you're the greatest baby". He then plays the Natural Order he drew, nukes my bridges, and gains enough life to survive my attack.
Game Two: I mull to four and keep: Unmask, Breakthrough, Stinkweed, Gemstone. Never draw a second Black card though, as he plays turn two Natural Order, Crypt, turn three attack, 3Sphere. Fucking lucksack.
I end up 6th, after being second in standings, and win a set of Volcs.
Questions and comments on the deck can go in the Ichorid thread.
Props:
The Wise and Just Mighty Protector of The Source, and my personal hero and inspiration, Calosso Fuentes
Thats it for props. No one else even belongs in the same league.
Ok, maybe Eli for a splendid tournament.
Slops:
Everyone but Calosso
Zach Tartell. You know why.
Phil Stolze. You know why.
Bryant Cook. AHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!! Forests!!!!!
Round one lunch break.
~ Team Unicorn MottoOriginally Posted by MacGruber
Calosso in the props section isn't even a funny joke, I'm worried about your sanity.
Team Unicorn: We're horny...get it?
"I politely nod as I listen to how I would have lost that game " OP
you must have been really tired , as you pointed out!!!
could have possibly lost , "could" "possibly"... not "would have"
After game one I explained how taken out mogg fanatics greatly lessened my chance of winning especially when you first turn land led breakthrough...
Plus my game 2 hand I couldn't mul too much only having 3 crypts from sideboard and no fanatics,,, see everyone superman is still good, as solid first turn answers.. Which I did mul once but the percentages were so low I knew it wasn't good for me and kept a good hand vs any other deck...
glad to hear you top 8ed and hopefully you have gotten some sleep
Thumbs up for name dropping me.
What did you lose to in the top 8?
SHUN THE UNBELIEVER!!!! SHHHUUUUUNNNN!!!!!
@Albplayer: Anything you see after, and including "Team Calosso" on The Source, you can be pretty sure is bullshit.
@Edinger: You'reaghey
@Bryant: shut up.
~ Team Unicorn Motto
Lol. By the way, I was impressed watching some of your matches over the day, I always like watching you play Ichorid. That said, you are indeed one of the angriest people I have ever met in my life.
Team Unicorn: We're horny...get it?
Great tournament, Parcher. It's just unfortunate I ended up top-decking that Natural Order and a subsequent sick hand the following game after your mull to four.
I ended up having to kill off my River Boa with a Jitte counter to remove two Bridges the first game and ended up being a big reason why I ended up winning. Otherwise, there might have been several more tokens staring me down and that four extra life from the Jitte wouldn't have been enough to stay alive with.
No one cares Mike.
Go back to jerking off to Popeye or whatever you Navy guys do.
For my confessions, they burned me with fire/
And found I was for endurance made
Yeah, man. Everyone knows Tacosnape created your deck anyways. Jerk.
~ Team Unicorn Motto
Oh, put a cork in it, junior. You're just angry because you can't beat Forests, you whiny little bitch.
And I'm proud to serve my country.
Last edited by Michael Keller; 07-28-2009 at 06:26 PM.
....I'd argue, but I really don't have a leg to stand on.
...sorry.
The E.P.I.C. Syndicate: I mean, if they play a lullaby for babies they should at least play the Monster Mash when somebody dies.
nice vintage tech Sadistic Hypnotist...
My 12 Post Videos - http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list...Q65OWRL5my7utn
LoL: Sadistic Hypnotist
Ignore that wanna be movie critic. "Wanda the Sadistic Hypnotist" gotta love it.
Also: Will you stick with Hypnotist in the future? I'm really not sold on that man,
since there are dozens of common scenarios where he's worse than most regular DR. targets.
Here's my tournament report. Zach Fine and I were passing through Syracuse on the way to the tournament, and my car broke down. Fortunately, the auto shop was next to a Chuck E. Cheese. We played at Chuck E. Cheese for three hours and then went home.
Props:
Zach Fine.
Chuck E. Cheese.
Slops:
My fucking car.
Team Unicorn: We'll Go Nuts On Your Ass. If you catch my drift.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9ZimhaxwE0
Does that make you feel better Phil?
Team Unicorn: We're horny...get it?
Sure.
Team Unicorn: We'll Go Nuts On Your Ass. If you catch my drift.
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