[DECK] Long John Painter (aka I hate Merfolks)

[GGoober]

If you hate Merfolks as much as I do, I recommend you play this list, you may still lose to Merfolks though because they can probably draw the shit no matter what you do:

LANDS: 22
18 Mountain (so they can't wasteland or stifle if they are playing stifle, you never know, it's Merfolks)
4 Wasteland (so Mutavault doesn't eat you as a 5/5)

NONLANDS: 38
4 Painter's Servant (in case they play Goyfs, you can rofl them with your REBs)
4 Grindstone (in case they aggro you too fast and you don't draw your 24 hate-cards, you can try to grind them out, although be careful of Pierce)
4 Imperial Recruiter (If you are on a budget, maybe play Isochron Scepters or Gamble)
4 Lightning Bolt
4 Grim Lavamancer
4 Spinal Villain
2 Jaya Ballard
4 REB
4 Pyroblast
4 Active Volcano

There you go, Recruiter fetches out Spinal Villain and Grim Lavamancer. You have 16 cards that deal with their 22 creatures. If you still lose to Merfolks, don't be disheartened, it's what the deck does, make you RAGE!!!!

/ragequit

[forsmark]

Sounds like you have a pretty boiling anger towards them folks...

[GGoober]

Boil is bad because it is a dead card against Vial. Please test the deck out before making suggestions.

(lol just kidding :P Yes I do hate Merfolks, I only rage up playing against Merfolks and nothing else.)

[Admiral_Arzar]

Zomg i'm playing this deck. And then eating crunchY juicy fried fishies all day long at long john silver's!!!111!!11

[GGoober]

What's great about this list, is that you have a shot at tier 1 decks with Painterstone, and you still have a shot against jank decks with Painterstone, and you have a shot against non-blue decks with Spinal villain + Painter stone, and most importantly, it's the best deck to play against Merfolks.

On a more serious note, I'm building this deck for the lulz. going to order me all these cards now and sleeve it up and bring it to a tourney when I see more than 50% of people playing Merfolks. Eat it! Brown and crispy!

[Admiral_Arzar]

I just realized that your autocard for REB actually shows Sporeback Troll from Dissension.

[kusumoto]

Why not just play Imperial painter?
It's actually good and moon effects stop wasteland/mutavault plus they beat good decks.

This all seems very silly.

[GGoober]

What's great about this list, is that you have a shot at tier 1 decks with Painterstone, and you still have a shot against jank decks with Painterstone, and you have a shot against non-blue decks with Spinal villain + Painter stone, and most importantly, it's the best deck to play against Merfolks.

On a more serious note, I'm building this deck for the lulz. going to order me all these cards now and sleeve it up and bring it to a tourney when I see more than 50% of people playing Merfolks. Eat it! Brown and crispy!

Didn't you know? Sporeback Troll is basically a Sporefrog with a bigger body that doesn't involve the Emrakul + Fauna Shaman loop now that Survival is banned. The bigger body is more relevant in CRUSHING merfolks!

@kusumoto: Because Imperial Painter has more dead cards against Merfolks. Why should I play 6-8 Moon effects when I can play more Active Volcanos and Spinal Villain? Also Nourishing Lich is just going to go off on a Ritual so shuts off your Moon Strategy. You want as many REB as you can have so you have a chance at fizzling their combo when they get Lich online.

And why the hell is Spinal Villain $12-20????? My dreams of crushing Merfolk might be taking a detour lol

[(nameless one)]

Why not just play Imperial painter?
It's actually good and moon effects stop wasteland/mutavault plus they beat good decks.

This all seems very silly.

I think this is more geared to be a metagame deck (or just a hate deck in general). I personally love hate decks. At one point, My Quinn was deck was fully equip to assrape Combo and Vengevine Survival (to a point that I ran maindeck Leyline of Sanctity, along with Humility). It was effective against the mentioned decks but it sucked against everything else.

Besides, lighten up, its on the casual forums.

[rufus]

REB.deck was a top tier vintage deck. I'm also under the impression that Goblins would be a stronger anti-merfolk choice than servant/grindstone.

[kusumoto]

I think this is more geared to be a metagame deck (or just a hate deck in general). I personally love hate decks. At one point, My Quinn was deck was fully equip to assrape Combo and Vengevine Survival (to a point that I ran maindeck Leyline of Sanctity, along with Humility). It was effective against the mentioned decks but it sucked against everything else.

Besides, lighten up, its on the casual forums.

I never notice when I am in the casual forums. I just click on the most recent item that shows up on the main forums section. I also didn't think to check when I saw 4 Imperial Recruiters in the deck.

Casual or not you need Simian Spirit Guides. Get those guys in there. You could also replace the for some reason expensive Spinal Villians with Phyrexian Revokers.

[kiblast]

I'm currently working on something playable based aound Spinal Villain and Painter Stone. Spinal Villain is such a lovely tech.

[Jason]

And why the hell is Spinal Villain $12-20????? My dreams of crushing Merfolk might be taking a detour lol

How is this a problem and 4x Imperial Recruiter isn't? methinks that makes no sense...

[kusumoto]

How is this a problem and 4x Imperial Recruiter isn't? methinks that makes no sense...

I suppose he might already have Recruiters.

[death]

If you hate Merfolks as much as I do, I recommend you play this list, you may still lose to Merfolks though because they can probably draw the shit no matter what you do

Instead of going mono-red, I would probably splash blue. Cast Recruiter for Llawan, Cephalid Empress. Drop Llawan with FoW, REB backup, win.

[DukeDemonKn1ght]

The mighty Armies of the Fish fear not your paltry distractions and inefficient creature selections.

In all seriousness though, I think this would be a headache to play against with Fish. However, we still have a couple outs: steal your creatures, counterspell Painter's Servant at all costs, the white splash for targeted removal seems like it would be decent against you, etc. On the whole though, I hope I never run into this at a tournament with my Merf deck. But you are aware that compared to a normal PainterStone deck, you sacrifice a lot of decent-to-positive matchups against the rest of the field, right?

[GGoober]

In all seriousness though, I think this would be a headache to play against with Fish. However, we still have a couple outs: steal your creatures, counterspell Painter's Servant at all costs, the white splash for targeted removal seems like it would be decent against you, etc.

DAMN YOU FISHIES! I CANNOT BEAT YOU WITH 12 REBS AND 4 BOLTS! Burns the sea. Guys this is a casual subforum, hence the ridiculous list :P And I don't own 4 Recruiters :P

[Admiral_Arzar]

I was wondering how long it would take for people to realize this wasn't serious O.o

I realized that as soon as I saw the deck name lol.

[Mystical_Jackass]

How is this creative, it's Imperial Painter + a creature and a few more Pyroblasts :X

Any list with Firespout and with some hand removal or counters could hate on merfolk just as well, there's nothing original here.

[DukeDemonKn1ght]

I was wondering how long it would take for people to realize this wasn't serious O.o

I realized that as soon as I saw the deck name lol.

Yeah, thanks April Fools' Day preemptive strike. I mean, yeah I knew this wasn't like... gonna win any major events. Nor was it proposed in order to.

But yeah, I could see someone getting pissed off enough at playing against Merfolk over and over (and simultaneously not wanting to play Zoo/ Goblins themselves, because these decks are just about equally as boring as Merfolk)... That yeah, I pretty much took this seriously at first blush.