WotC Presents: You Make the Card 4

[Megadeus]

See, the thing about the broken two drop cycle is that they're not hatebears.

Maybe a red "Yata-Garasu"?:

Red Yata 1R

Creature - ????

Haste, trample

At the end of turn, sacrifice Red Yata.

Whenever Red Yata deals damage to a player, that player skips his/her next draw phase.

3/1

I want this one. I can finally use my set of Unearths for something!

[Kich867]

Why not something a little weird but still in red-fashion?

1R
Human Wizard
Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery, you may pay it's mana cost to put a copy of that spell on that stack. You may choose new targets for the copy <yada yada copy the spell>.
2/1

[Megadeus]

All spells gain replicate? Lightning Bolt you 4 times... GG

[Kich867]

All spells gain replicate? Lightning Bolt you 4 times... GG

I was fairly certain it was worded to avoid that, it's a trigger, so it would only occur once and placing a spell on the stack that's a copy of a spell wouldn't trigger it, much the same way you can't spam extort off of a one drop, you can do it once per trigger of extort on the board.

[wcm8]

Hellfire Emissary
1R
Creature - devil
Haste
Protection from white
1R, exile a red instant or sorcery card from your graveyard, T: ~this~ deals 3 damage to target creature or player
2/1

The body is relevant, but not overpowered on its own. The ability is a better version of Grim Lavamancer, but requires a heavy commitment to red to be sustainable -- for example I think RUG would have a slightly tougher time keeping it active than UR or another heavier red deck. Yeah, it's just another burn card, but it's a modern update and to the classic Wildfire Emissary.

If you really want to push it over the top, tack on 'sacrifice ~this~: destroy target artifact.'

[Megadeus]

I was fairly certain it was worded to avoid that, it's a trigger, so it would only occur once and placing a spell on the stack that's a copy of a spell wouldn't trigger it, much the same way you can't spam extort off of a one drop, you can do it once per trigger of extort on the board.

Thats a good point. I read it as if you were just putting replicate on him which would be completely busted lol

[Kich867]

Hellfire Emissary
1R
Creature - devil
Haste
Protection from white
1R, exile a red instant or sorcery card from your graveyard, T: ~this~ deals 3 damage to target creature or player
2/1

The body is relevant, but not overpowered on its own. The ability is a better version of Grim Lavamancer, but requires a heavy commitment to red to be sustainable -- for example I think RUG would have a slightly tougher time keeping it active than UR or another heavier red deck. Yeah, it's just another burn card, but it's a modern update and to the classic Wildfire Emissary.

If you really want to push it over the top, tack on 'sacrifice ~this~: destroy target artifact.'

See this is sort of why I'm confused at a lot of suggestions, it's not that this idea is bad, this is pretty sweet, but why is it that specifically for a red card people are commonly throwing the phrase, in some variant, "requires a heavy commitment to red".

I've seen these double red, red heavy card suggestions and that's not exactly the idea here, to me at least. Mono red is already a thing. It's called burn. It works pretty fuckin well actually. The idea here is to introduce a splashable red creature to compliment the other splashable 2 drop 1X creatures (Snapcaster, Goyf, Stoneforge, Bob).

I'd really like to see Red become a more splashable color in general, as of right now there are -very- few red cards beyond Bolt and Grim Lavamancer and REB that see splash play.

[Koby]

Molten Rain Guy
1RR
When Stone Rain Guy enters the battlefield, destroy target non-basic land and deal 2 damage to that land's controller.
2/2

FFS, just do it. Fuck you MaRo. Fuck your Standard format with 16 lands in play and no one can win. (See also, Prime Speaker Bant mirrors)

[TsumiBand]

There are a billion Red cards on this thread. Does everyone just really wish that Red were smarter than "i hate you and i want to burn you and steal your things"?

Personally I think Lackey is secretly White. Also, White Weenie is always my pet deck, so whatever.

Fixed Lackey

Creature - Human Knight (or some damn thing)

When -this- attacks, you may put a monocolored White creature card with converted mana cost 3 or less into play tapped and attacking.

1/2

There's just enough mention of the word "monocolored" that I think this is ok wording. It has a harsh upper bound to keep the weenie rush weenified, but it gives them pseudo-haste which aside from Ninjutsu dorks is primarily White. I don't think there are any nasty shenanigans that go along with this guy, like, no poopy Voltron or incidental S&T effect that happens with this guy. I don't *think*.

I also just want there to be a staple White Weenie creature in Eternal formats, something that you have to have a really strong argument against just blindly running 4 of them. Thalia comes close to this, and arguably so does Mother of Runes and Stoneforge Mystic. But all of these guys have decks away from White Weenie where they can be played for greater justice. To compare this to its inspiration, Goblin Lackey goes in exactly one deck and virtually without argument.

[nedleeds]

sadfjhjkdfhsdjkf how is that a fixed Lackey it doesn't even have to connect and the cheated in man gets to hit also?

This man. Go.
Attack. Glowrider in play attacking.
2nd main. Cast Thalia.

How does my ass taste?

[TsumiBand]

sadfjhjkdfhsdjkf how is that a fixed Lackey it doesn't even have to connect and the cheated in man gets to hit also?

This man. Go.
Attack. Glowrider in play attacking.
2nd main. Cast Thalia.

How does my ass taste?

I dunno, that's the way White does that effect. Tapped and attacking. Preeminent Captain, Militia's Pride, Hero of Bladehold, multicolor junk like Kaalia and Geist of Saint Traft.

The problem with trying to come up with a good way to lock something like this down is that White has been all over the place with its creature types, whereas Lackey just sticks to Goblins. All they have to do is not print a 7/7 Goblin with trample and flying. White has Soldiers, Knights, Advisors, Kithkin, Clerics, Angels, other derpy things. It is all over the place.

If your primary concern is Glowrider + Thalia, I could understand taking the CMC down to 2. Or even conceding the combat damage thing. It's not my fault White's all over the damn map with its creature types, or I'd just pick one. vOv

[Tammit67]

sadfjhjkdfhsdjkf how is that a fixed Lackey it doesn't even have to connect and the cheated in man gets to hit also?

This man. Go.
Attack. Glowrider in play attacking.
2nd main. Cast Thalia.

How does my ass taste?

not to mention the soulbond tricks currently in standard

[Dessyreqt]

For a splashable red creature how does this sound?

Eternalest Warrior
1R
Creature - Goblin
Eternalest Warrior can't leave the battlefield. (It can't be sacrificed to pay costs. If it would be exiled, destroyed, or moved to any other zone from the battlefield, it isn't.)
1/1

Perhaps it's a bit too defensive for red, but it would be a neat effect to see.

[Barook]

sadfjhjkdfhsdjkf how is that a fixed Lackey it doesn't even have to connect and the cheated in man gets to hit also?

This man. Go.
Attack. Glowrider in play attacking.
2nd main. Cast Thalia.

How does my ass taste?

As someone who tried out the idea of fast Thalias + Glowriders (see signature link), I can assure you that Glowrider does jackshit against creature-heavy decks (which are quite few in the format).

As for a red dude, how about this:

*insert name here*
Creature - Human Shaman/Wizard
When ~ enters the battlefield, you may search your library for a red instant or sorcery card with converted mana cost of 2 or less, reveal it, and put it into your hand. If you you, shuffle your library.
2/1

Creates CA and provides some utillity (blasts, artifact destruction, etc). The restrictions make sure it can't be abused.

[TsumiBand]

As someone who tried out the idea of fast Thalias + Glowriders (see signature link), I can assure you that Glowrider does jackshit against creature-heavy decks (which are quite few in the format).

Also this. I don't feel bad for a combo player that has to fight through an early Glowrider, or even Glow + Thalia. I tried to make it limiting, I don't want suckers dropping Iona on turn 2 in an aggro deck with Plains cards, but also if your entire gameplan is on the battlefield then there's nothing that brutal about Thalia and Glowrider holding hands at the state fair.

[Megadeus]

As someone who tried out the idea of fast Thalias + Glowriders (see signature link), I can assure you that Glowrider does jackshit against creature-heavy decks (which are quite few in the format).

As for a red dude, how about this:

*insert name here*
Creature - Human Shaman/Wizard
When ~ enters the battlefield, you may search your library for a red instant or sorcery card with converted mana cost of 2 or less, reveal it, and put it into your hand. If you you, shuffle your library.
2/1

Creates CA and provides some utillity (blasts, artifact destruction, etc). The restrictions make sure it can't be abused.

Implying Nedleeds has never played a glowrider deck :p

That card as a 1 drop is ridiculous.

[lordofthepit]

I apologize to anyone that hates terrible card creation threads or dumb creatures, but I've decided I'm going to vote for a red Wild Nacatl if the option presents itself.

[Lemnear]

I apologize to anyone that hates terrible card creation threads or dumb creatures, but I've decided I'm going to vote for a red Wild Nacatl if the option presents itself.

Yeah, Blue 3/2 flying, Green 3/3 shroud and Red 3/3 haste, huh? RUG Tempo players may want a bag of ice for their lap

[lordofthepit]

Yeah, Blue 3/2 flying, Green 3/3 shroud and Red 3/3 haste, huh? RUG Tempo players may want a bag of ice for their lap

It wouldn't have haste, and it would only be 2/2 in RUG (assuming a +1/+1 for Forests or Plains).

[catmint]

I keep thinking that a red power 2 drop should punish opponents mana.

1R

At the beginning of your upkeepk put a +1/+1 counter on ~ for each non-basic land target opponent controls

1/2

___________
or

1R

Mountainwalk
When ~ enters the battlefield target non-basic land becomes a mountain for as long as ~ remains on the battlefield.

3/1

___________

1R

When ~ comes into play draw 2 cards and discard 1 card (not at random!). Any opponent can sacrifice a basic land to prevent this ability.

2/1 Haste