Obligatory shitty card creation thread

[Bed Decks Palyer]

Nonex, those are some interesting design ideas!

Fleeting Dream is pretty fun with storm mechanic.
Mage is a fragile and slow CA+CQ engine, I guess that it's printable.
Cabal Illness is extremely nice card, i really like the design and how it moved the need for proper understanding of (meta)game even farther than CT does.
Curse of Silence? Um... no, please. :-D Kinda sick considering it might be played turn2 without much trouble. It's one-sided Nether Void.

[Winston]

Fleeting Dreamscape
[Land]
You may play Fleeting Dreamscape at any time you could cast an Instant as long as it is an opponent's turn.
You may play Fleeting Dreamscape only during an opponent's turn and only if you did not play a land during your last turn.
T: Add U or R to your mana pool. Spend this mana only to cast an Instant spell. Sacrifice Fleeting Dreamscape.


Shaman of Freedom
[Creature - Human Shaman]
P/T: 2/2
Cost: URG
When Shaman of Freedom enters the battlefield, draw a card and add UR, UG, or RG to your mana pool.


Contemplated giving the Shaman flash or haste, but that seemed like a bit much, no? I suppose it wouldn't be unreasonable if it were a Commander printing, but Wizards wouldn't print that for standard.


Speaking of Commander:

Cataclysm of Ideas
[Instant]
Cost: 7UUURRR
Spells you cast this turn have Storm. (If a spell already has Storm, it gains another instance of Storm.) Draw a card for each other spell that resolves this turn.

Apocalyptic Resolve
[Enchantment]
Cost: 8BBBB
Your maximum hand size is 2.
Whenever you cast a spell, draw two cards, add BBB to your mana pool, and you lose 6 life.



Edit: Only half-realized someone else had just done a "Fleeting Dream" card right before me. My bad.

[Vicar in a tutu]

Blood Oracle
Creature - Human Wizard
If a source would have you pay any amount of life, you may pay twice that much life instead. If you do, draw a card.
2/1
“I can see your newborn’s entire lifetime in a single drop. In two drops, I can see the death of all her descendants.”

[FTW]

Dat Heiney - 2G
Creature - Donkey
Whenever ~ becomes tapped, you gain an experience counter.
T, tap another creature you control: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, untap ~.
T, tap two other creatures you control: ~ doesn't untap until your next untap step.
"You other brothers can't deny" - Sir Mix A Lot
0/6


Army in a Can - XX
Artifact
~ enters the battlefield with X charge counters on it.
XT, sacrifice ~: Put X 1/1 white soldiers tokens and X-1 2/2 white knight tokens on the battlefield.


Storm Engine - 2UU
Instant
The next instant or sorcery spell you cast this turn gains Storm.
Draw a card.


Chump Blocker - 1G
Creature - Plant
Whenever ~ is declared as a blocker, it gains Persist until end of turn.
0/3


Utter Chaos - 2RR
Instant
For each spell on the stack, all targets are reassigned at random.
Then, in turn order, each player reveals the top card of his or her library. For each card revealed in this way, a player chosen at random may play the card as though the stack was empty, without paying its mana cost.

[Vicar in a tutu]

Impulsive Mage
Creature - Human Wizard
As Impulsive Mage enters the battlefield, name an instant or sorcery card.
Spells with the chosen name have Split Second.
1/1
"Death in a heartbeat."

[Dice_Box]

Impulsive Mage
Creature - Human Wizard
As Impulsive Mage enters the battlefield, name an instant or sorcery card.
Spells with the chosen name have Split Second.
1/1
"Death in a heartbeat."

The semtricle effect means you don't want to name Force. I like it.

Edit.
This thing would be crazy if it gained Flash with Spells on the stack.

[Crimhead]

The semtricle effect means you don't want to name Force. I like it.

Edit.
This thing would be crazy if it gained Flash with Spells on the stack.

The opponent could still respond to IM itself. Now if it had flash and split second...

[Barook]

I wonder how good this would be:

Jack in the Box
Legendary Artifact
Tap: Draw a card, then exile a card from your hand.

Yes, it is an extremely powerful card filter tool. But then again, it's still card disadvantage. The legendary part is mainly there to stop abuse in multiples. Excess copies could be "looted" away. Main problem I see here is how to prevent blue decks from abusing it most. Maybe like this:

Jack and Taxes
Legendary Artifact
Instant and sorcery spells cost more to play.
Tap: Draw a card, then exile a card from your hand.

But then again, that would be absurdly powerful.

[Vicar in a tutu]

Arbiter of Esalbe
Creature - Human Advisor
Whenever you cast a spell during an opponent’s turn, put a 1/1 blue Bird creature token with flying unto the battlefield.
Whenever an opponent casts a spell on your turn, put a 1/1 white Cleric creature token with lifelink unto the battlefield.
2/2

[Nonex]

Primal Instinct
Sorcery
Target opponent names a card, then you choose a number. That player reveals his or her hand and the cards in his or her library. If the total amount of cards with the chosen name in that player's graveyard, hand and library is equal to the chosen number, you may search your library for a permanent card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle your library. Then that player shuffles his or her library.

Shifting Sphere
Artifact
Name a nonland card during each untap step. Spells with the chosen name cost more to cast this turn.
Whenever an opponent casts a spell with the chosen name, you may pay . If you do, draw a card.

Boros Soothsayer
Creature - Human Wizard
First strike, Vigilance
X, T: The next time an opponent casts a spell with converted mana cost X this turn, untap all permanents you control and draw a card.
2/2

Mirrored Words
Instant
Split second
Mirrored Words can't be countered.
Search your library for a card and reveal it. Your opponents can't cast spells with the same name as the revealed card this turn. Then shuffle your library.
Draw a card.


I'd like to add a black enchantment too, preferably one that messes with card types, but nothing decent comes to mind right now.

[Dice_Box]

Jack and Taxes.

"Make Shops even more busted."

I will take a playset thank you.

[Gheizen64]

City of allies
Land
If city of allies would ETB, return a land you control to its owner's hand instead. If you do, put City of allies on the battlefield, if you don't, sacrifice city of allies instead.
T: add to your mana pool

So good with Traitors and glimmerposts. Plus with this:

Temple of Artifices
Land
As it ETB, scry 1.
T: add

And this:

Lushlands
Land
As Lushlands ETB, untap target land.
Lushlands ETB tapped.
T: add to your mana pool.

The tricks.

[FTW]

Kozilek's Sphere - 1CC
Tribal Artifact - Eldrazi
Colored spells cost an additional 2/C to cast
Mishra harnessed the power of the Eldrazi to Quash Urza once and for all

[Vicar in a tutu]

Kozilek's Sphere - 1CC
Tribal Artifact - Eldrazi
Colored spells cost an additional 2/C to cast
Mishra harnessed the power of the Eldrazi to Quash Urza once and for all

Holy Moly, this card would cause earthquakes in several formats. I'm not sure it would be good for eternal Magic with even more, powerful taxing-effects like this. Although I'm sure MUD- and shops-players would love it :)

[FTW]

Holy Moly, this card would cause earthquakes in several formats. I'm not sure it would be good for eternal Magic with even more, powerful taxing-effects like this. Although I'm sure MUD- and shops-players would love it :)

Haha yeah.

Interestingly, because it doesn't hit Moxen, it's less of an "I win" for Shops than turn 1 3ball. It would probably be restricted quickly to avoid people playing 13sphere.dec

In Legacy, it might make Chalice Stompy and Stax actual viable decks again, though MUD would probably get OP. T1 this, T2-8 durdle-durdle-durdle-durdle-11 poison.

[Dice_Box]

I am playing Stax on and off right now and I only run 4 Sphere. No Ball, no Thorn. This would not go in. You do not really have the space. The format is just too fast for this kind of card when your trying to lock with Stax.

[Barook]

Thalia 2.0
Legendary Creature - Human Soldier
First strike
Whenever Thalia 2.0 or another legendary permanent enters the battlefield under your control, you get an experience counter.
Noncreature spells cost more to cast for each experience counter you have.
2/2

[MGB]

Eldrazi Policer
Creature - Eldrazi

non-Eldrazi spells cost more to cast.

2/1

[jrsthethird]

Thalia, Zombie of Thraben BB
Legendary Creature - Zombie
First Strike, Deathtouch
Noncreature spells cost B more to cast.
2/1

[Kanti]

Accelerated Knowledge
UUU
Instant
Draw three cards, then draw cards equal to the number of cards named Accelerated Knowledge in your graveyard.
"I have forgotten more than you will even know" - Tamiyo, the Moon Sage


Also no, a copy of Thalia with a colored tax? Your ideas make me vomit.