[Report] EPIC Not-Quite-Dreadstill top 8's!

[Zach Tartell]

Alright, you plebeian bastards, get ready for a report embarrassingly shorty followed by the best props/slops section ever. (ever)

Pre-tournament bull:

• I met up with Bryant at FNM at Comix Zone. Drafting a terrible deck whose only redeeming value was the foil Din of the Fireheard I pulled third or fourth pick.
• Bryant and I leave Comix Zone, heading o'er to the Carousel to catch Wanted (yeah, that's right, I underline movie titles. Big whoop, want to fight about it?). Notable conversation: Bryant calling Jason Wallace (not Mike Edinger) and screaming "Where the fuck are you!?!" at him. Priceless.
• Wanted was pretty sick. I don't think that Angelina Jolie's ass was particularly noteworthy (too skinny for my taste), but Bryant kept on talking about it for the next full day.
• We got to Bryant's house (sleep over FTW bitches) and I was introduced to his neighbors, who really know how to party. Also, it's a lot more impressive on the inside then I'd thought (not busing on Bryant or anything, I was just pleasantly surprised at the decor and shit).
• I practice with my chosen deck (NQD, which has at least 80% matches against everything but Nourishing Lich) against TES for a while, but Bryant really just mops the floor with me. We get to bed around two, I snore like a real man, and Bryant whines that I snore (like a real man).
• Wake up early, shower and other minutiae, and get picked up by Jason "Wallace" Wallace and Nick "nickrit2000" Wowelko (sp?).
• Amazing Xm commentators discuss amazing topics amazingly.
• This is getting boring. I'm going to make another list (and probably write down my decklist in between the two) right here:

Aight, get ready for this savage tech, folks. ENQD has been like eight months in development, start to finish, and non-team members Nate Schlager (not his last name in real life) and Eric Copenhaver contributed greatly:

Maindeck (60):
4 Ichorid
4 Bridge from Below
4 Narcomoeba
4 Breakthrough
4 Putrid Imp
4 Stinkweed Imp
3 Golgari Thug
4 Golgari Grave-Troll
4 Cephalid Coliseum
4 City of Brass
4 Gemstone Mine
1 Careful Study
3 Deep Analysis
4 Lion's Eye Diamond
3 Dread Return
1 Flame-Kin Zealot
1 Cephalid Sage
4 Cabal Therapy

Sideboard (15):
4 Pithing Needle
4 Leyline of the Void
4 Chain of Vapor
1 Woodfall Primus
1 Ancestor's Chosen
1 Ray of Revelation

The deck is actually straight forward, for those who aren't familiar with NQD. The idea is to essentially deck yourself, activate some Narcomoebas, reanimate a couple Ichorids, and beat some face. I won't take full responsibility for the NQD archtype, but I'd bet 100,000 Dong (the currency in Vietnam, worth approximately four dollars (USD)) that nobody else has done any development under NQD's name, at least publicly.

The report!

• We get to the event place early, go grab lunch, and come back for some serious Skittles action.
• Shane "Watcher487" Flannigan and Jason "CorruptedAngel" Sims show up and beg for cards. Unfortunately,
• Jason "anus face" Wallace left his Dragon Stompy at home. Luckily for the rest of the world, Zach "Two Baskets" Tartell produces a complete 75-card Dragon Stompy deck (half Daemon Whitby signed). Wow, that guy is a pimp.
• We hook Sims up with what we can (normally the rest of Albany would be here with their considerable collections, but they decided to be pussies or something).
• Y'know, I'd accept a "We all shat our pants on the way home last night" from all of them and call us even. (Savage throwback reference, Zach)

Round 1: Matt Mcnally's UGwb Thresh
-Game 1: I win the die roll with boxcars, and drop my dick on the table. I mill about forty cards and get a handful of Narcomoebas and Bridges, then flashback a Cabal Therapy targeting him. He enters scoop phase.
-Game 2: -5 Combo Pieces, +4 Needle, 1 Chain of Vapor. Matt mulls once (maybe) and hesitantly keeps his hand. I remember after the match he despairs that he should have mulled more aggressively towards his hate. He drops a Tundra and Ponders. I mill like ~35 cards and hit 3 Moebas and 4 Therapies with double Bridge; Matt scoops. (a solid, 3 turn match). I steal a Skittles deck from Jason Wallace and we play for the remainder of the round. Ben (or Bob or... Baxter) "insertnamehere" What's-his-last-name swings by to pay his respects after handing Dreadstill its ass with Dragon Stompy and sees the Skittles game, believing it to be our tournament match. Asking for some explanation (I have Domain on turn 4 off of a savage Kodama's Reach and just Evoked a Mulldrifter and stuck it back on top of my library with Haunted Crossroads); I calmly fan my hand (with some trash like Tidings, Firespout, and Silkbind Faerie) to him, and let him in on the last thing Cavius did before he was banned - Not Quite Dreadstill. This powerful pile can power out wins against Thresh at a startling 60% pre/ 75% post-board win percentage, can out-card advantage Control, and race Combo with its threat-dense, diverse clock. I'm sure he believed me for at least the first couple sentences.

Round 2: Matt Leblanc's UGr Thresh
Game 1 takes like a year. I go DDD (for those not savvy with NQD's terminology, that's Draw, Discard, Dredge) for a couple turns, then start laying land that gets promptly wasted. I very slowly establish a clock with some persistent Ichorids, and force through Matt's 100,000 Fire//Ices.
Game 2: -5 Combo pieces, Same board (this is a similar boarding strat throughout the tournament) in. Matt doesn't have a Force of Will for my LED-fueled Breakthrough; I am not a gentle lover. He scoops it up after I Therapy him for Engineered Explosives, revealing that he has 0 board hate. Ya good meta calls.

Round 3: Nick Wowelko's Canadian Thresh
Game 1: I hate being bitter, but it seems to me that Nick couldn't have wished for a better hand. He has something nasty like this in consecutive turns, "Goose, Goose, Ponder, Goyf, Goyf." Savagery. I scoop it up after he drops the second Goyf.
Game 2: I don't like talking about losing. Nick drops a first turn Crypt which I get him to use when I dredge into a bridge. He ponders into a second, I can't recover.

Round 4: Daemon "Parcher" Whitby's UGw Thresh
Game 1: This is another 100 year match. I kept on lucksacking into the best possible dredges, and Daemon locks me down with Counter/Top from touching his hand with Therapies (but they still make Zombies!!); I win with Narcomoeba beats over a couple Threshed Geese into an Enforcer that couldn't swing (lest I Ichorid his face off). I eventually go the distance with like six tokens.
Game 2: Usual boarding; I mull to 5. Daemon Ponders off of a Tundra, (I kept a hand of Coliseum, Coliseum, LED, Deep Analysis, Golgari Thug) I draw a second LED and drop a Coliseum and both of the LED's. Daemon predicts himself during his mainphase, drawing two, and passes the turn. I go absolutely nuts. I draw trash for turn, crack LED #1 for a Deep Analysis, dredge into a Grave-Troll, dredge into another Grave-Troll, and it gets uglier from there. Daemon had left two Forces in his deckbox, so it might have gone differently if he'd had 'em. As it was, he scooped it up.

Round 5 Geoffrey Beffrey Smelski's UWg Landstill (I'm 3-1, so is Geoff. It becomes apparent that one of us will not make it in)
Game 1: I slowly, inevetably, grind Geoff down from 20 to 0. It sounds boring when you say it like that, but let me assure you - it was very boring.
Game 2: -5 Combo, +4 Chain of Vapor, +1 Ray of Revelation. I didn't know what to expect, but clearly Geoff was in the same boat. His turn 2 Meddling Mage was on Dread Return. Made me wish Gearhart was there so I could first show him my Gearhart-signed City of Solitudes, then show him the combo sitting in my board for a high five and maybe a couple rounds of "Zach Tartell is the sickness!" Anyway, game 2 goes much quicker (game 1 prolly took about a half hour) - Geoff didn't Fact into Decree this time (and I didn't have to split it 4-1 to keep him from it again), and I kept on milling nuts shit. I made quick work of him.

Round 6: ID with Bob Coaches (I know it's spelled way differently, but I'm too lazy to look it up, and I'm pretty sure he won't mind)
Dave Finstien does some of his math workings and assures me that should Nick Wowelko lose I'm a lock for the top 8. Turns out I was anyway, and shouldn't have been worrying.

Top 8:
I hate writing about losing. Mike "Hollywood" "A_Legend" Keller beats me in a solid 3. I mopped the floor with him game 1, he beat the shit out of me games 2 and 3 (literally. Well, Figuratively - he played $80 1/1s and turned them sideways. Frequently. Twice.). He was a classy opponent, as always, and I don't feel so bad. Still sucks, though.

Props:

• Jim, first, and always. For keeping the dream alive.
• Colin, for calling shotty on that shit (we'll agree that Jim blitz'd and leave it at that).
• Wallace, for driving
• Off the Wall Games, for holding amazing tournaments with good prize support. Even though I'd've like something more than a Goyf when first is a Mox, and third and fourth (or whatever - the prize support was beyond me) got playsets of blue duals.
• Shane, for being a pimp
• Parcher, for signing about another half of my Dragon Stompy deck, leaving me with like five parts pimp one part too good to have silver shit all over.
• Bombs Over Baghdad. Seriously
• Sims, for having a smoking hot girlfriend (I don't think that's too weird)
• Sims again for lending me that Needle.
• Hollywood, for shelling out $300 for a set of Recruiters and then turning them sideways. Mono-Red Aluren FTW.
• Eric and Nate for helping me work on NQD for as long and patiently as they did. Seriously - if I'd listened to them I might have even won.
• Nick, for being so quiet you almost forget about him until he drops a bomb and you're like, "Holy shit, Nick's here! Yaus!"

Slops:

• Me. Seriously - my farts were so potent that I was a little embarrassed during play. And it's not even like they gave me an edge, so much as a headache.
• Albany who sin't Shane or Sims, for being gay and not coming.
• Bryant. "I'm gonna win a mox - I mean 1-3 drop."
• Eastern MA players (see, I can't spell the name of your state so I left it up to interpertation)(Do you ever get smothered by all those consonants?). It's like a half hour ride from wherever you live (I'm in Edinger-talking-about-European-geography mode, so don't argue with me. You live a half hour from the tournament site).
• Brendan - I even brought the Beta Verduran Enchantress for you to sign. You broke both our hearts.
• Wallace, for leaving his deck at home (and bring a half-proxied type 2 deck instead).

If I spelled anything wrong or didn't accurately recount our match, tough titties - it's freaking late, and I'ma go to bed.

Edit: The props/slops were way shorter than I'd planned. Sucks to be you guys.

[raharu]

EPIC NQD or EPIC NQD?

[Getsickanddie]

You're a beautiful man Mr. Tartell.

[Ebinsugewa]

I know, I failed. I was even going to pay your entry to get you to come out and you put your money where your mouth was anyways. I'll sign the Enchantress at the next available opportunity. Only in silver though, cause that's how real gangstas do shit. No excuses on my part.

[herbig]

Also, it's a lot more impressive on the inside then I'd thought...

The same could be said of his sister, amiright?

Congrats on the finish. I'm glad people are still playing the deck I invented. Some interesting tech, luckily you dodged the Nourishing Liche matchup all day.

[Afro]

I shit myself Friday night playing wow so I couldn't make it. Nice to see you do well though.

[Nihil Credo]

Round 1: Thresh
Round 2: Thresh
Round 3: Thresh
Round 4: Thresh
Round 5: Landstill

and only one of them played black at all. Good meta call indeed!

PS: how in the everloving depths of hell did you lose to Imperial Painter not going off?
PPS: oh dear God, now I'll be picturing you stinking up your room during our MWS matches.

[Maagler]

wow, you had an amazing lineup of matches! good job though, and nice report.

[Zach Tartell]

The same could be said of his sister, amiright?

Congrats on the finish. I'm glad people are still playing the deck I invented. Some interesting tech, luckily you dodged the Nourishing Liche matchup all day.

I was literally quaking in my boots the entire time, so sure was I that either that or Enchantress Bloom would make the top eight.

and only one of them played black at all. Good meta call indeed!

PS: how in the everloving depths of hell did you lose to Imperial Painter not going off?
PPS: oh dear God, now I'll be picturing you stinking up your room during our MWS matches.

What's even better is that the only (real "oh, shit!" hate) sided in against me was 6 Crypts and 2 Jailers, 4 against Nick Wowelko and 2/2 the first round. Also, I'm just too cool to draw a board card - I saw one Needle against Wowelko. That's it.

And, not-going-off Painter still has the, "Well, I guess I'll just drop a turn 1 Trinisphere" play. Which doesn't hurt the DDD plan at all, but really shuts down the combo.

Also:

Additional Props to Jason Sims
I was walking up to the counter to buy some sleeves, bummed that they didn't have my brand in the store. I must have said something out loud, 'cause Jason gets all Marry fucking Poppins on my ass and breaks out an unopened 100 pack of KMC Matt Black. Best thing pulled out of a bag all day.

[Whit3 Ghost]

Congrats on the finish, and once again, for coming through with an amazing report.

[Deep6er]

Zach Tartell is the absolute SICKNESS!

... is that better?

:)

[Brushwagg]

Congrats!

[HammafistRoob]

Slops:[LIST][*]Eastern MA players (see, I can't spell the name of your state so I left it up to interpertation)(Do you ever get smothered by all those consonants?). It's like a half hour ride from wherever you live (I'm in Edinger-talking-about-European-geography mode, so don't argue with me. You live a half hour from the tournament site).

Try 2 hours, but okay.

EDIT- Also, Tarmogoyfs taste good with ketchup.

[Zach Tartell]

Try 2 hours, but okay.

EDIT- Also, Tarmogoyfs taste good with ketchup.

Dude, I left my place at six in the morning Saturday and got home around two thirty in the morning Sunday. I don't want to hear it.

Also, I don't know if that Edit is a fat joke, so I won't dignify it with an answer.

[J.V.]

Congrats on the finish Zach! But honestly, I am a little sad to see
Top 8:
...
Zach Tartell
...

With Zach Tartell not followed by Enchantress...

[Sims]

First, I must congratulate the esteemed Mr. Zach Tartell on his gentlemanly finish, despite his not-so-gentlemanly gas. It brought tears of pain to my eyes a few times, sir, but there wasn't exactly much you could do about it.

Secondly, I wasn't sure if I was going to be using the sleeves I normally play Goyf Sligh in or if I was going to need extras when i packed my stuff up, so I threw the extra pack of sleeves in the bag. When I figured toj ust use my other sleeves, as if on cue, you rose and mentioned something about needing to purchase sleeves. /Mary Poppins Engaged.

But yes, I hope the Needle was useful and Kelley says "Thank you" in regards to the compliment. Puts a smile on my face that I'm not the only one who thinks that about her.

KEEP THE DREAM ALIVE!!!!

[TrialByFire]

I would just like to say that the two times we have played have been some entertaining matches. Even if I only had that 1% chance to win on Saturday

[Dxfiler]

Slops:[LIST][*]Me. Seriously - my farts were so potent that I was a little embarrassed during play. And it's not even like they gave me an edge, so much as a headache.

Jesus Christ... that was you?!

Man that was seriously foul. Talk about playing under duress. :p

At least now I can say I top8'd with no sleep and no clean air :D

Other than the walking swamp marsh that followed you around, it was cool meeting you and talking to you throughout teh day.

Edit: The props/slops were way shorter than I'd planned. Sucks to be you guys.

Pffft.

- Dave =D

[Michael Keller]

Nice job on the finish, Zach. I wanted you to sign my right ass cheek with a Sharpie after our encounter.

What momma don't know, won't hurt her!

[Bane of the Living]

Hey congrats Zach. Keepin the zombies in the DTB I'll be sure to keep the infection going for the next one.