Obligatory shitty card creation thread

[Sloshthedark]

That would actually be pretty cool....

why would't you play it T0 every single time you can? it's like a vanguard card

[Barook]

lol... you mean very narrow to the point of stupid, you really hate storm don't you? =D or cantrips...

Well then, make a more fitting card that is

a) maindeckable
b) white to the core and doesn't play well with blue decks
c) T0 combo hate

Besides, how is cantrip hate a bad thing in a format absolutely dominated by cantrips?

just wondering why it isn't x/4 for 4

For reference: Vine Dryad

I was thinking about 2/2 first strike, but that would have been too strong of a combat trick, which would have missed the main selling point disruption. 1 power because it shouldn't be an aggressive clock by itself. 3 toughness, so it can go into combat with 2/X creatures and survive common sweepers to force answer diversity (like AD) instead of catch-alls like Massacre.

[Quasim0ff]

What could be maindeckable combo disruption for non-blue colors that fits into the color pie?

For white, I'm think about something like this:

Pitch Thalia
Legendary Creature - Human Soldier
You may exile a white card from your hand rather than pay Pitch Thalia’s mana cost.
Flash
Vigilance
Noncreature spells cost more to cast.
1/3

That'd be retarded overpowered, I think...

Very cool concept, anyhow.

[rufus]

What could be maindeckable combo disruption for non-blue colors that fits into the color pie?

For white, I'm think about something like this:

Pitch Thalia
Legendary Creature - Human Soldier
You may exile a white card from your hand rather than pay Pitch Thalia’s mana cost.
...
1/3

Instead of flash, I would prefer something like "If ~ is in your opening hand, you may exile a white card from your hand to put it into play before the game starts." I also think the base casting cost is too low considering that it gives virtual card advantage.

Alternatively, how about a single shot version:

Creature - Human Monk
When ~ enters the battlefield, your opponents may not cast spells this turn.
Flash
You may exile a white card from your hand rather than pay ~'s mana cost.
1/3

Here's a fun idea, even if it is *way* too strong:

BBB
~
Instant
Pay half your life rounded up. End the turn.
You may skip your next turn rather than pay ~'s mana cost.

Some others...

~
Instant
Copy target activated or triggered ability an opponent controls.
You may exile a red card from your hand rather than pay ~'s mana cost.

0
~
Instant
~ is green.
Counter target non-creature spell. That spell's controller puts two X/X
green elemental creature tokens into play under his or her control where X
is the countered spell's mana cost.

R
Enchantment
Flash
Exile a card from your hand at random: Counter target spell. Any player may activate this ability.

BBB
Instant
You control target player while target spell or ability that player controls resolves.
You may exile all permanents you control and pay half your life rounded up, rather than pay ~'s mana cost.

[Barook]

Instead of flash, I would prefer something like "If ~ is in your opening hand, you may exile a white card from your hand to put it into play before the game starts." I also think the base casting cost is too low considering that it gives virtual card advantage.

That would work, too, making it work a bit like a Leyline. Although that might be even stronger since they can't counter it and the flash part matters less and less the longer the game goes, because its stats aren't even that great.

It also doesn't generate virtual card advantage (since all spells are all castable with enough mana, unlike stuff like Chalice), it merely creates a tempo advantage, while you suffer from actual card disadvantage. Increasing the CC would probably make it too janky since all the common removal spells still deal with it.

[rufus]

That would work, too, making it work a bit like a Leyline. Although that might be even stronger since they can't counter it and the flash part matters less and less the longer the game goes, because its stats aren't even that great. ...

The flash version has much better synergy with, and more vulnerability to 'the blue shell' because it works better with cantrips and because it is more counterable.

[iGrok]

Well, I posted it in the B/R thread, I should probably post it here.

I think blue should have better card selection than the other colors, but I think right now it's too much better. So I tried to come up with some cards that would work for other colors.

My criteria were:
1) Cards must not be blue.
2) Cards must be 1cmc. Additional costs are acceptable, but only 1 mana.
3) Cards must synergize with non-blue shells better than the blue cantrip shell.

Criteria #3 can be difficult to quantify, but looking at what the cantrip shell is used for will help. Blue uses cantrips to find lands, threats, or counters, depending on what is needed at the time. If it does not find what it needs, it usually finds another cantrip to chain into what it wants. The key thing I focused on is that blue wants its cantrips to be able to find instants and sorceries, such as Bolt, Show and Tell, Force of Will, and other cantrips.

The first card that immediately came to mind was Grisly Salvage. This is exactly the kind of card I want Black/Green to have access to, but it breaks one of my criteria. I've always thought it was overcosted anyways, so here's what I came up with:

Sift the Muck
Instant
Reveal the top four cards of your library. You may put a creature or land card from among them into your hand. Put the rest into your graveyard.

I love Salvage-style digging, although with Delve, this card may be a bit too strong (might need to come down to 3 cards, or be a sorcery, or both!). As written, this curves nicely into a turn 2 Tasigur if you pitch all the cards, or feeds your Tarmogoyf. But most importantly, it can't find counterspells, additional cantrips, or most combo pieces.

###

One for Me
Sorcery
Each player reveals the top three cards of their library. You may put a permanent you revealed this way into your hand. Then, each player may put a permanent which shares a type with yours into their hand. Each player puts all other cards revealed this way onto the bottom of their library in any order.

Its a little wordy, but it works. Playing off of White's "Some are more equal than others" theme, I really like how this card provides multiple options during resolution. Do you take a less powerful card because it keeps your opponent from drawing one or not? And that's assuming they even do draw a card with matching types.

###
This one is templated horribly, but I couldn't think of a good way to do it :/

Creative Gamble
Instant
Look at the top 7 cards of your library. You may reveal a card which matches a card on the stack, then put that card into your hand. Then shuffle your library.

Feels pretty Red, with the copy ability. Assuming you are copying a spell you play 4 of, you've got slightly more than 1/3 chance to hit. Not great, but meh, whatcha gonna do?

###

Also, unrelated and just for fun, the return of Rebound prompted this one:

Double Rainbow X
Instant
Cascade
Rebound

Now that's pretty fun :)

[rufus]

...

One for Me
Sorcery
Each player reveals the top three cards of their library. ...

Just cleaning up the template:

Each player exiles the top three cards of his or her library.

If you revealed any permanent cards this way you may put one of those cards into your hand.
Any player who exiled cards that share a card type with the card that you put into your hand may put one of those cards into his or her hand.

Each player puts all cards he or she exiled this way on the bottom of his or her library in an order of his or her choice.

Creative Gamble
Instant
Look at the top 7 cards of your library. You may reveal a card which matches a card on the stack, then put that card into your hand. Then shuffle your library.

Feels pretty Red, with the copy ability. Assuming you are copying a spell you play 4 of, you've got slightly more than 1/3 chance to hit. Not great, but meh, whatcha gonna do?

"matches a card on the stack" should probably be "shares a card type with a spell". I think "instant or sorcery" might be a better fit since it's red, and it avoids the 'can I search for an instant on an empty stack?" rules question. Also, this is OP.

Double Rainbow X
Instant
Cascade
Rebound

Now that's pretty fun :)

Needs "Ripple"

[iGrok]

"matches a card on the stack" should probably be "shares a card type with a spell". I think "instant or sorcery" might be a better fit since it's red, and it avoids the 'can I search for an instant on an empty stack?" rules question.

Yeah, it was definitely the weakest of the three. Honestly I only had the first two and felt like I should suggest a red one also. I don't think red actually needs cantrips though.

Needs "Ripple"

Hahaha

As far as the white template goes, the only thing that was wrong with my templating was the third sentence, which should read:
Then, each player may put a card they revealed which shares a type with your card into their hand.
I forgot to specify that they can only put their own cards into their hands xD.

[Gheizen64]

Some "red" effects:

Chaotic Visions R
Enchantment
Whenever a player would draw a card, he discard a card at random then draw a card instead.

Sinergize with the exile-draw red has, and things like cloister.

Fuck you delver 2.0:

Sky thunderbolt R
Instant
Deal 2 damage to target creature with flying and to target player.

Fuck Elves and D&T with this mini-wildfire:

Searing Sands RR
Sorcery
Each player sacrifice a non-basic land, then deal 1 damage to all creature and players.

Some big lategame spells for red:

Volcanic Explosion 1RRR
Sorcery
Deal 4 damage to target player. That player sacrifice a land and a creature he or she control.

Some artifacts:

Fuck storm:

Inertia Sphere 1
Artifact
Spells cost 1 more to play except the first spell each turn by each player.

Monolith that help you if you went second:

Jade monolith 0
Artifact
Jade monolith ETB tapped unless you control no other permanents and your opponent control at least 1 permanent.
Mox Gem doesn't untap during your untap step.
2: untap Mox Gem.
T: add 1 mana of any color to your mana pool.

And a very old design by me, another "fair" moxen:

Null Gem 0
Artifact
Counter all spell you control.
T: add 1 mana of any color to your mana pool. Spells that used this mana can't be countered (boseiju wording i can't remember)

Basically a play 1 spell per turn mox, and no other 0 mana spell or pitch spells either. I think it would still be used in some decks like D&T and fair decks in general as a singleton.

[Barook]

Holy Recruitment
Sorcery
Search your library for a white creature card with power 2 or less, reveal it, and put it into your hand. Then shuffle your library.

Not sure if it wouldn't end up as SFM copies 5-8 in blue decks, though.

Null Gem 0
Artifact
Counter all spell you control.
T: add 1 mana of any color to your mana pool. Spells that used this mana can't be countered (boseiju wording i can't remember)

Basically a play 1 spell per turn mox, and no other 0 mana spell or pitch spells either. I think it would still be used in some decks like D&T and fair decks in general as a singleton.

T1/T2 uncounterable S&T

You don't need to play more spells when you can just play accelerated bombs.

[iGrok]

Cards I would play the fuck out of because they are broken:

Some "red" effects:

Chaotic Visions R
Enchantment
Whenever a player would draw a card, he discard a card at random then draw a card instead.

So a better Chains of Mephistopheles. Fuck yeah sign me up.

Searing Sands RR
Sorcery
Each player sacrifice a non-basic land, then deal 1 damage to all creature and players.

I'll play 15 fetches and 4 lands in burn for this. Please please please please!

Volcanic Explosion 1RRR
Sorcery
Deal 4 damage to target player. That player sacrifice a land and a creature he or she control.

What is this for? I'm having a hard time picturing any deck that would want this. Also, edict effects (creature sacrifice) are black.

Inertia Sphere 1
Artifact
Spells cost 1 more to play except the first spell each turn by each player.

I'm not even sure this would see play in Stax, maybe in the sideboard but their storm matchup is good anyways. Most decks that want taxing effects are already good against storm.

Jade monolith 0
Artifact
Jade monolith ETB tapped unless you control no other permanents and your opponent control at least 1 permanent.
Mox Gem doesn't untap during your untap step.
2: untap Mox Gem.
T: add 1 mana of any color to your mana pool.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, isn't this essentially a worse gemstone cavern?

Null Gem 0
Artifact
Counter all spell you control.
T: add 1 mana of any color to your mana pool. Spells that used this mana can't be countered (boseiju wording i can't remember)

Dear god, Show and Tell.

Fuck you delver 2.0:

Sky thunderbolt R
Instant
Deal 2 damage to target creature with flying and to target player.

This is a good example of a hate card that is too specific. This card would never see play because if your opponent doesn't have a delver or clique, it's a completely dead card. It won't even make the cut for a sideboard card because it is too specific.

If you'd like me to go into more detail on any of these, I'd be happy to, I'm just a bit too busy to do all of them.

###

@Barook

That is Barook-en ;)

Yeah, I'd play 8 copies of SFM, and be able to Tutor whatever hatebear I needed:
Thalia, Guardian of Thraben
Gaddock Teeg
Qasali Pridemage
Mother of Runes
Meddling Mage
Ethersworn Canonist
Kataki, War's Wage
Aegis of the Gods
Leonin Arbiter
Voice of Resurgence
High Priest of Pennance

oh shit does that say power 2 or less?

Knight of the Reliquary
Karmic Guide
Aven Mindcensor
Geist of St. Traft
Mangara of Corondor
Magus of the Moat
Magus of the Disk
Magus of the Tabernacle
Doran the Siege Tower
Eidolon of Rhetoric
Mirran Crusader

Obviously not all of them in the same deck, but it sure does let my sideboard be full of silver bullets.

I really think the solution can't be tutors, it has to be pseudo-cantrips. Otherwise the games will lack a significant amount of variety.

[SirTylerGalt]

Mulliwin
Sorcery
If you have 59 cards in your library, you win the game.

[rufus]

Mulliwin
Sorcery
If you have 59 cards in your library, you win the game.

Ostensibly, this should be *exactly* 59 cards. Still seems like it should combo well with Mana Severance in a leaner `battle of wits` kind of deck.

Maybe the intent is closer to:

[No CC]
Mulliwin
[No type]
Any time you could mulligan and mulliwin is in your hand, and you have exactly one card in your hand you may win the game.

Mulliwin has no color or type.

[Kanti]

Bet this won't be met too kindly round these parts;

Think Fast U
Draw a card
Flashback 1U

[Barook]

Bet this won't be met too kindly round these parts;

Think Fast U
Draw a card
Flashback 1U

For obvious reasons: Think Twice

[iGrok]

For obvious reasons: Think Twice

I'd play think fast. Its divination, but not.

Think Twice is terrible, and thats from someone who plays a playset in modern

[Kanti]

Yeah Barook, I thought about naming it Think Thrice, but then it would have to do something else. Think Fast is a play on Think Twice, as it's the same card functionally, just cheaper aka "faster".

[HdH_Cthulhu]

Think Thank 1U
Draw a card.
Flashback 3U
You may play Think Thank from exil.

[frafen]

Well, I posted it in the B/R thread, I should probably post it here.

I think blue should have better card selection than the other colors, but I think right now it's too much better. So I tried to come up with some cards that would work for other colors.

My criteria were:
1) Cards must not be blue.
2) Cards must be 1cmc. Additional costs are acceptable, but only 1 mana.
3) Cards must synergize with non-blue shells better than the blue cantrip shell.

Criteria #3 can be difficult to quantify, but looking at what the cantrip shell is used for will help. Blue uses cantrips to find lands, threats, or counters, depending on what is needed at the time. If it does not find what it needs, it usually finds another cantrip to chain into what it wants. The key thing I focused on is that blue wants its cantrips to be able to find instants and sorceries, such as Bolt, Show and Tell, Force of Will, and other cantrips.

Recent Stirrings

Sorcery,

Convoke.

Look at the top three cards of your library. You may reveal a green or colorless card from among them and put it into your hand. Then put the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.