Obligatory shitty card creation thread

[Cire]

Chronocurse 2U
Enchantment -Aura Curse R
Enchant Player
At the beginning of enchanted player's untap step, enchanted player chooses one that hasn't been chosen —
• Skip your draw step this turn.
• Skip your combat phase this turn.
• Skip each of your main phases this turn..
• End your turn.
If each choice has been chosen, sacrifice Chronocurse.

[rufus]

Gambit of Inevitability

Sorcery - Rare
Target opponent gains control of you for your next three turns.
At the beginning of the end step of the last of those turns, you win the game.

[frafen]

Red Messenger

Creature-Human Advisor

When this enters the battlefield, reveal the top three cards of your library. Put all red cards revealed this way into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order. Discard a card.

_______________________________2/1

Blue Messenger

Creature-Human Advisor

When this enters the battlefield, reveal the top three cards of your library. Put all blue cards revealed this way into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order. Choose one card from your hand and put it on top of your library.

_______________________________2/1

Green Messenger

Creature-Human Advisor

When this enters the battlefield, reveal the top three cards of your library. Put all green cards revealed this way into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order. Sacrifice a non-advisor permanent.

_______________________________2/1

Black Messenger

Creature-Human Advisor

When this enters the battlefield, reveal the top three cards of your library. Put all black cards revealed this way into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order. You lose life equal to the the sum of the converted mana costs of the cards revealed this way.

_______________________________2/1

White Messenger

Creature-Human Advisor

When this enters the battlefield, reveal the top three cards of your library. Put all white cards revealed this way into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order. Exile target non-advisor creature you control.

_______________________________2/1

[Barook]

I'm currently thinking about a nonblue hand fixer that makes opening hands less crap. A rough draw:

Hand Fixer
Instant
You may exile this card from your opening hand. If you do, search your library for a basic Plains card, reveal it, and put it into your hand. Then shuffle your library.

Draw a card.

Gives you land when your hand is mana-light, cantrips otherwise if you don't need it.

[iamajellydonut]

I'm currently thinking about a nonblue hand fixer that makes opening hands less crap. A rough draw:


Gives you land when your hand is mana-light, cantrips otherwise if you don't need it.

Isn't that basically an elaborate Secluded Steppe?

[Phoenix Ignition]

Isn't that basically an elaborate Secluded Steppe?

Deck thinning. It matters.

[iamajellydonut]

Deck thinning. It matters.

A few other things also matter, but thanks.

[Gheizen64]

An old favorite of mine, the colorless land that promote mono-color and brown:

Library of wisdom
Land
When library of wisdom ETB, if you have exactly 7 cards in hand, draw a card.
T: add

Also promote slightly going second. Sort of a fixed library. Yeah you can chain those T1-T2 but you have no colored mana for 2 turns then.

Library of memories
Land
When library of memories ETB, if you have no cards in hand, draw a card.
T: add

Cycling land for lategame essentially. Maybe too weak yeah. It's only slightly better than the colorless urza land cycler whose name escape me now.

Finally a good sol-land

Mishra's Karoo
Land - Karoo
As Mishra's Karoo ETB, return another land you control to your hand or sacrifice Mishra's Karoo.
T: add

This would make artifact decks actually viable in legacy. Bouncing Glimmerposts and City of traitors, all the while giving you an higher than actual land count, essentially working as pseudo-card draw AND accelleration.

[rufus]

...

Library of memories
Land
When library of memories ETB, if you have no cards in hand, draw a card.
T: add

...

Hmm.. how about:

Lost Archive
Land
You may have forgotten archive enter the battlefield tapped. If you do, draw a card.
T: add

[Chatto]

I would love to see some new Goblins, something like:

Tuktuk Hooligan
Creature - Goblin Rogue
RRR
When (...) comes into play, you may destroy target artifact or enchantment.
2/1

Goblin Witch
Creature - Goblin Rogue
2R
Whenever an opponent plays a spell with cmc 3 or less, that opponent looses 2 life.
2/3

Lord of the Mountain Halls
Creature - Goblin Lord
RR
Goblins you control get +1/+1 and Mountainwalk.
1/1

Kiki-Jiki, Shaman of Mirrors
Planeswalker - Goblin Shaman
+1: if target nonlegendary creature has no counters on it, you may put a +1/+2-counter on it.
- 2: copy target nonlegendary creature. If that creature becomes a target of a spell or ability, sacrifice it.
- 7: you get an emblem with 'each time you put an nonlegendary creature in play, put a copy of that creature in play. That creature has haste. Sacrifice it at the end of turn'.

Living the dream!

[Dice_Box]

Cards that are Red only in colour can not destroy Enchantments.

[Chatto]

Yeah, I know, it would be great though... Perhaps with a little green splash... It probably will never happen, but hey! Living the Dream!

[Crimhead]

Cards that are Red only in colour can not destroy Enchantments.

Unless they are blue or white! And they can tuck enchantments in exchange for a random card.

But yeah, unconditional targeted enchantment destruction is a red no-no.

Most of the cards in this thread are unprintable anyway...

[jrw1985]

Cards that are Red only in colour can not destroy Enchantments.

And blue shouldn't have the most efficient 1-drop beater in the game either!

Anywho, the color wheel got busted for blue a long time ago. I see no problem in having overpowered cards in other colors too or cards that are outside the traditional flavor of the colors.

[Vicar in a tutu]

Library Regulations
Enchantment
During an opponent's turn, players cannot draw cards, search libraries or put cards into their hands from their libraries.
The hallowed library of Feyerlos only admits one visitor at a time.

[sdematt]

I like the Library posted above, but it needs to ability of turning into a 1/2 library worker until end of turn ;)

[Crimhead]

Anywho, the color wheel got busted for blue a long time ago. I see no problem in having overpowered cards in other colors too or cards that are outside the traditional flavor of the colors.

To be fair, Delver is a power-creeped Flying Men. I don't think Delver has been good for Legacy, but its off-colouredness is due to its power/efficiency and not the nature of its abilities and traits.

Also (I don't do Standard, but) I don't think Delver was as strong in the type two and limited environments it was created for. I do agree red has gotten the shaft post NWO, but maybe it could catch up while staying in flavour?

Strip Yours
Land
Counts as a mountain.
Tap to add one red mana to your mana pool or place Strip Yours in your graveyard and destroy any one island.
You suffer one damage whenever Strip Yours becomes tapped.

Nue Elemental Blast
Interrupt
Counter target spell if it is white, or destroy target permanent if it is white.

Stinkhole
Instant
Split second
Destroy any one island or plains.

Desert Blister
Sorcery
Can't be countered.
Destroy any blue or white card in play.

Brainfart
Instant
Draw three cards, remove two cards in your hand from the game.

Noise
Instant
Your opponents can't cast blue spells this turn.
Draw a card.

[Chatto]

To be fair, Delver is a power-creeped Flying Men. I don't think Delver has been good for Legacy, but its off-colouredness is due to its power/efficiency and not the nature of its abilities and traits.

Also (I don't do Standard, but) I don't think Delver was as strong in the type two and limited environments it was created for. I do agree red has gotten the shaft post NWO, but maybe it could catch up while staying in flavour?

(...) beautiful names

I would really much like some 'power'-cards to be printed in non-Blue colors and if they had such names you just gave, I would laugh my ass off

[DarthVicious]

So this is where all the blue-haters went after no changes to the B&R list were made this time around.

Anyway... on to it.

Ravage
RR
Sorcery
Destroy target nonbasic land.

Simple, strong, and elegant. And an ability that red gets the most of anyway, with the obvious homage to Sinkhole.


Yet Another Recall
U
Sorcery
Draw three cards, then reveal your hand to an opponent. That opponent exiles a card from your hand.

Yes, lands included on purpose.


Bring Back The Black Rituals
4B
Instant
Delve
Add BBB to your mana pool.

Delve slows it down a bit.

[bruizar]

Undercurrent
Enchantment
R
Play only if you've dealt more than 3 damage this turn. For each card an opponent draws beyond the first card drawn in a turn, you may pay R. If you do, draw a card.

Idea: Tapping into blue's ocean of card advantage with the power of lightning/electricity. You need to bolt the opponent before you can cast this, so it's not as easily splashable and virtually costs RR, unless ofcourse.. Delver.
Art: An electrified undercurrent in the sea, similar to the original Ponder, Tangle Kelp, Magnetic Mountain and Mana Drain...