Obligatory shitty card creation thread

[frafen]

I would love to see some new Goblins, something like:

Tuktuk Hooligan
Creature - Goblin Rogue
RRR
When (...) comes into play, you may destroy target artifact or enchantment.
2/1

Boggart Hooligan

Creature-Goblin Rogue

When this comes into play, you may destroy target artifact if was spent to cast this.

When this comes into play, you may destroy target enchantment if was spent to cast this.

____________________2/1

I think that this could be ok, goblin decks shouldn't have much trouble casting this with the help of cavern of souls.

edit: just realized that maybe you wanted a card that can answer show and tell>omniscence, in that case my card isn't useful :/

[rufus]

edit: just realized that maybe you wanted a card that can answer show and tell>omniscence, in that case my card isn't useful :/

You could reverse it:

Destroy an artifact unless was spent to cast this.
Destroy an enchantment unless was spent to cast this.


Onward to more bad ideas:


Temporal Wonkulator
Legendary Enchantment
At the start of your upkeep flip a coin. If you win the coin flip, take an extra turn after this one. If you lose the coin flip, each opponent takes an extra turn after this one.

[Nonex]

Boggart Riot
Tribal Instant - Goblin
Boggart Riot can't be countered by spells or abilities.
Destroy target nonland permanent if its converted mana cost is less than or equal to the number of Goblins you control.

[frafen]

Chaos-Warp-With-Legs

Legendary Creature-Goblin Artificer

When this comes into play the owner of target permanent shuffles it into his or her library, then reveals the top card of his or her library. If it's a permanent card, he or she puts it onto the battlefield.

________________________2/1

[jrsthethird]

Chaos-Warp-With-Legs

White Chaos-Warp-With-Legs

Creature - Cat Shaman

When this enters the battlefield, name a nonland permanent on the battlefield. The owner of that permanent shuffles it into his or her library, then reveals the top card of his or her library. If it's a permanent card, put it on the battlefield.

When this leaves the battlefield, search the library of any player that had a copy of the named card shuffled into it for a copy of the named card, and put it on the battlefield. If a permanent card was put onto the battlefield with this, the controller of that permanent sacrifices it.

2/1

[Zulabnar]

Devastating Comet 5RRR

Enchantment

When this enter in play remove all other permanents from the game

Split Second

[Vicar in a tutu]

Mana Necrosis
Instant
Counter target spell unless its controller pays . If a spell is countered this way, exile all cards from target player's graveyard.

[Gheizen64]

More colorless lands to encourage people running less colors.

Why wasn't this printed into theros?

Forgotten Temple
Land
When Forgotten Temple ETB, scry 1.
T: add to your mana pool.

Fetch and wasteland hosers:

Stable Terrain
Land
Players can't sacrifice lands.
T: add to your mana pool.

Trying other things, if discard spells are riskier because of delve, what about:

Eradicate Memories
Sorcery
Target player discard a card, then exile his or her graveyard.

[Dice_Box]

Doorway to Nothingness (2)(B)(B)

Enchantment

Indestructible
If a player is unable to draw a card from his or her Library, that player does not lose the game.

If a player has no face down cards in Exile, that player loses the game.

As ~ ETB, each player exiles his or Library face down. At the beginning of each players draw step, that player takes a face down card at random exiled with ~ and put it in his or her hand.

[jrsthethird]

More colorless lands to encourage people running less colors.

Why wasn't this printed into theros?

Forgotten Temple
Land
When Forgotten Temple ETB, scry 1.
T: add to your mana pool.

This is completely reasonable, and now that scry is evergreen, we'll see this eventually. Probably not while Theros is in Standard though.

[wcm8]

Some 1cmc hate bears:

Ethersworn Apprentice: W, 1/1, Flash - players can't cast more than 2 spells per turn
Eidolon of the Lesser Revel: R, 1/1 - ~ deals 1 damage to players whenever they cast a spell < or = 2cmc
Thalia's Squire: W, 1/2 - Instant spells cost 1 more to cast
Winter Dryad: G, 1/1, protection from Blue - players may only untap up to 1 non-basic land during their untap step
Acolyte of Mephistopholes: B, 1/1, protection from White - except for the first card drawn during their draw phase, whenever a player draws a card they must then choose and discard a card

Some color-shifted hate cards:
Brimstone Elemental: 2R, 3/2, Flash, Split Second - Blue creatures get +1/-1
Dread of Life: B, Enchantment - Green creatures get -1/-1

Cheaper versions of hate artifacts:
Lesser Winter Orb: Artifact, 1 - players may only untap up to 1 non-basic land during their untap step
Lesser Null Rod: Artifact, 1 - activated abilities of artifacts cost an additional 2 per activation

[Nonex]

Æther Paradox
Instant
Rearrange all spells and abilities on the stack.
Draw a card.

Reality Purge
Instant
You draw a card, then each player exiles all cards from his or her library. For each player, the next time that player would draw a card, instead he or she shuffles all exiled cards he or she owns into his or her library, then draws a card.

Frozen Heartbeats
Instant
Life totals can't change this turn.
Draw a card.

Anonymity
Instant
Counter each spell with a single target. Spells with a single target can't be cast this turn.
Draw a card.

Nature's Constriction
Instant
Each player exiles all permanents he or she controls with converted mana cost greater than the number of lands he or she controls.
Draw a card.

[Julian23]

Frozen Heartbeats
Instant
Life totals can't change this turn.
Draw a card.

Interestingly this would also stop Force of Will from being cast (for its alternate cost) this turn.

[wcm8]

Nature's Constriction
Instant
Each player exiles all permanents he or she controls with converted mana cost greater than the number of lands he or she controls.
Draw a card.

:thumbs up:

[jrsthethird]

Nature's Constriction
Instant
Each player exiles all permanents he or she controls with converted mana cost greater than the number of lands he or she controls.
Draw a card.

So good with Wasteland/bounce.

[Nonex]

Interestingly this would also stop Force of Will from being cast (for its alternate cost) this turn.

Actually I once got a Platinum Emperion reanimated against me, and when he wanted to FoW my bomb, I pointed him that he couldn't pay the FoW's life. When I told a friend, he said "Whoa, I would've let that FoW resolve straight away". So I totally had this in mind when I wrote the card's text.

Some more cards came to mind:

Stony Influence
Instant
Until end of turn, each player gets an emblem with "Permanents you control lose all abilities that aren't mana abilities" and "Creatures you control have base power and toughness 1/1".
Draw a card.

Avarice
Instant
Until end of turn, if a player would draw a card, instead that player returns a permanent he or she controls to its owner's hand, then puts the top card of his or her library into his or her hand.
Put the top card of your library into your hand.

Soulslaving Mind
Instant
Spells and abilities can't cause players to discard cards this turn. Until end of turn, emptying a player's mana pool causes that player to lose life equal to twice the mana emptied.
Draw a card.

Mana Constraint
Instant
Until end of turn, each player gets an emblem with "As an additional cost to cast a spell, tap an untapped permanent you control and empty your mana pool".
Draw a card.

Ancient Roots
Instant
Each player chooses a number of nonbasic lands equal to 1 plus the number of lands controlled by the player who controls the fewest, then exiles the rest.
Draw a card.

[Barook]

Spell Corrupter
Creature - Zombie Wizard
Deathtouch
: Each player exiles up to one target card of an opponent's choice from his or her graveyard. For each instant or sorcery card exiled this way, its owner loses 2 life.
2/1

[Vicar in a tutu]

Eito the Everlasting
Legendary Creature - Zombie Wizard
Whenever a player searches his or her library, each of that player's opponents may pay 1 life and draw a card.
1/1
Eito never refuses supplicants who wishes to peruse his scrolls.

[rufus]

How about this for a terrible card:

Clashstorm

Instant
When you cast this spell, copy it once for each coin flip you've won this turn.
Flip a coin. If you win the con flip, ~ does 1 damage to target creature or player.

[Nonex]

World of Randomness
Sorcery
Flip a coin 500 times. If you do, you win the game.
"You'd be surprised if you knew under which rules the multiverse actually operates."
- Nicol Bolas

Coveted Feast
Instant
Destroy target creature with power greater than its converted mana cost. It can't be regenerated.