Obligatory shitty card creation thread

[Gheizen64]

Thief's Bauble

Artifact

{T}, Sacrifice Thief's Bauble: The next time an opponent would draw a card except the first one he or she draws in each of his or her draw steps, instead that player skips that draw and you draw a card.

Damn i love this, it's an actual playable card that hose cantrips! Though, how would interact with opponent's baubles and multiples?

[rufus]

Damn i love this, it's an actual playable card that hose cantrips! Though, how would interact with opponent's baubles and multiples?

It's mechanically identical to notion thief, though grossly overpowered. A one-time effect like that should really be "the next time ... this turn" just in case it doesn't go off.

[kirkusjones]

Thief's Bauble

Artifact

{T}, Sacrifice Thief's Bauble: The next time an opponent would draw a card except the first one he or she draws in each of his or her draw steps, instead that player skips that draw and you draw a card.

Trinket Mage and Auriok Salvagers would love this card. It would be cute with Standstill or Glissa, the Traitor but this is all moot, because the thing will never exist.

[Blastoderm]

Budget Hater
U
Enchantment
Budget Hater cannot be countered.
When Budget Hater enters the battlefield draw a card.
Spells you own with converted manacost equal to one cannot be countered.
Spells or abilities cannot prevent you from drawing cards.
Blue will always reign.

[jrsthethird]

Budget Hater
U
Enchantment
Budget Hater cannot be countered.
When Budget Hater enters the battlefield draw a card.
Spells you own with converted manacost equal to one cannot be countered.
Spells or abilities cannot prevent you from drawing cards.
If this card is exiled from your hand, put it into play instead.
Blue will always reign.

I think it's playable now.

[frafen]

Thief's Bauble

Artifact

{T}, Sacrifice Thief's Bauble: The next time an opponent would draw a card except the first one he or she draws in each of his or her draw steps, instead that player skips that draw and you draw a card.

Thief's Bauble 2.0

Artifact

{T}, Sacrifice Thief's Bauble: Until end of the turn players can't draw more than one card. Draw a card at the beginning of the next turn's upkeep.

[Finn]

Frafen, while we are daydreaming, let's just go for it by combining your two versions into a card that ends your game if you cast Brainstorm.

Thief's Bauble 2.1

Artifact

{T}, Sacrifice Thief's Bauble: Until end of turn, if a player would draw a card except the first one he or she draws in each of his or her draw steps, instead that player skips that draw and you draw a card. You skip your next draw step.

[rufus]

Frafen, while we are daydreaming, let's just go for it by combining your two versions into a card that ends your game if you cast Brainstorm.

That one only ends the opponent's game. You can still cast brainstorm yourself without any real drawbacks, and cards like Winds of Change are a total gas.

[Dice_Box]

Frafen, while we are daydreaming, let's just go for it by combining your two versions into a card that ends your game if you cast Brainstorm.

Thief's Bauble 2.1

Artifact

{T}, Sacrifice Thief's Bauble: Until end of turn, if a player would draw a card except the first one he or she draws in each of his or her draw steps, instead that player skips that draw and you draw a card. You skip your next draw step.

Dark Fayden... The greatest Troll in the Multiverse.

[Chatto]

For laughs:

Goblin Looter

2/1

1RR

When Goblin Looter comes into play, shuffle all Goblin cards into their owner's graveyard. Remove all non-Goblin cards in each graveyard from the game.

This business stinks

[Barook]

OP at that cost, but would be fun:

Dominus, the Exiler
Legendary Creature - Human Cleric
Tap: Exile another target (nonland) permanent. Return that card to the battlefield under its owner's control at the beginning of the next end step.
2/2

[TsumiBand]

Not that a ton of random occurrence is a great thing, but in playing a handful of electronic CCGs lately I've come to find that certain 50/50 effects have a great deal of appeal under the right circumstances. For example a card which has the 50% chance to double (or more) its attack power and break through defenses measures, or the ability to deal high amounts of damage over random targets, etc.

Magic usually eschews these effects, as they don't appeal to a crowd that prefers "Deal 3 damage" to "Deal anywhere from 2 to 5 damage" when casting a Lightning Bolt-like spell. I've often contemplated what it would take to make these effects worthwhile.

The first thing I came up with years ago and never really played with was the idea that some creatures had some kind of "difficulty" in using them effectively. Something that predates Wild Nacatl, for example:

Bad Horsey

Creature - Horse

Unbroken 2 (If this creature would attack or block, roll a six-sided die. If you roll less than 2, this creature doesn't attack or block instead.)

3/3

Obviously the presence of Nacatl (which isn't really played much anymore, rip in peace cats) obviates this particular card but it is an example from ages past. Even if it were to be just a casual mechanic that never impacted competitive play, I do often wonder just what it would take to make that kind of creature a worthwhile venture, and what one could actually do in order to push such a mechanic into potential playability.

Another one, which is a straight lift from Hearthstone:

Damages, Damages, Damages!

Instant

Erratic - CARDNAME deals 8 erratic damage to target opponent, their creatures, and their planeswalkers. (Erratic damage is dealt 1 point at a time chosen at random and cannot be redirected. Ignore objects with lethal damage.)

I have no fscking idea how to word it to make it work - or if there is already a similar card in Magic that we just don't care about for obvious reasons, but ideally it'd be some kind of keyword that just denotes random-ass damage for X, and then the player knows to just roll for targets. Also I like the idea of not randomly picking a 2/2 more than twice; if only to make the effect a little stronger since it's already random af. 6 mana is probably too much for Magic, but this spell was directly inspired by the Paladin spell Avenging Wrath from Hearthstone.

I know that off-the-wall bonkers random effects are bad for the skill setting on a lot of games, but Magic is full to the brim with strategery TBH. Even if it would totally suck and never Top 8 anywhere, IDGAF, I still ponder these kind of effects from time to time.

[rufus]

Not that a ton of random occurrence is a great thing, but in playing a handful of electronic CCGs lately I've come to find that certain 50/50 effects have a great deal of appeal under the right circumstances. For example a card which has the 50% chance to double (or more) its attack power and break through defenses measures, or the ability to deal high amounts of damage over random targets, etc.

Magic usually eschews these effects, as they don't appeal to a crowd that prefers "Deal 3 damage" to "Deal anywhere from 2 to 5 damage" when casting a Lightning Bolt-like spell. I've often contemplated what it would take to make these effects worthwhile.
...

There are coin flip mechanics and stuff like clash, but people generally don't like to use them unless they can stack the odds in their own favor like with Ad Nauseam.

[Phoenix Ignition]

Erratic - CARDNAME deals 8 erratic damage to target opponent, their creatures, and their planeswalkers. (Erratic damage is dealt 1 point at a time chosen at random and cannot be redirected. Ignore objects with lethal damage.)

This would be an absolute nightmare to resolve correctly. what do you do when your opponent has 11 creatures and you randomly kill off 4 of them over the resolution of the spell? It's cool in Hearthstone since it's all done internally, but even "roll a d6, on a 2 or less ____" is annoying to deal with mechanically when you have multiples of them out.

[jrsthethird]

This would be an absolute nightmare to resolve correctly. what do you do when your opponent has 11 creatures and you randomly kill off 4 of them over the resolution of the spell? It's cool in Hearthstone since it's all done internally, but even "roll a d6, on a 2 or less ____" is annoying to deal with mechanically when you have multiples of them out.

It could work as a MTGO-only casual set or cube format. Anyone remember the Astral cards from the Microprose game? I loved those and would love to see them back!

(Obviously this is in theory, but they can't program normal shit right. It would probably be buggy as hell.)

[TsumiBand]

This would be an absolute nightmare to resolve correctly.

Oh probably, but Magic players always find ways to make shitty complex things simpler. I know some people go to lengths to print out and play Hearthstone, to even include effects like Unstable Portal and Knife Juggler; they must surely have found an elegant solution to this 'issue'.

[Nonex]

Szadek, Lord of New Ways
Legendary Creature - Vampire
Flying, lifelink
T: The next instant or sorcery spell you cast this turn has storm.
"We always have the opportunity to change our habits, which is why some never do it."
2/2

Ethereal Chains
Enchantment - Aura
Flash
Enchant permanent
When Ethereal Chains enters the battlefield, draw a card.
Enchanted permanent's triggered abilities don't trigger.

Spring Burst X
Sorcery
You may cast Spring Burst as though it had flash if X is 5 or greater.
Return all cards from your graveyard to your hand, then choose X cards in your hand and discard the rest. Exile Spring Burst.

Mind Flames
Sorcery
Name a card, then reveal your hand. Add to your mana pool for each card with the chosen name revealed this way.

Yawgmoth's Wastes
Land
When Yawgmoth's Wastes enters the battlefield, you draw two cards and you lose 3 life.
T: Add to your mana pool.
, T, Sacrifice Yawgmoth's Wastes: The next time a land enters the battlefield under your control this turn, you may pay 3 life. If you do, draw two cards.

[jrsthethird]

Szadek, Lord of New Ways
Legendary Creature - Vampire
Flying, lifelink
T: The next instant or sorcery spell you cast this turn has storm.
"We always have the opportunity to change our habits, which is why some never do it."
2/2

So busted.

Ethereal Chains
Enchantment - Aura
Flash
Enchant permanent
When Ethereal Chains enters the battlefield, draw a card.
Enchanted permanent's triggered abilities don't trigger.

This is actually elegant and simple.

Mind Flames
Sorcery
Name a card, then reveal your hand. Add to your mana pool for each card with the chosen name revealed this way.

Squadron Hawk combo?

[Barook]

Since Wizards can't design R/W cards worth shit, I can throw in another "Yet another Lightning Helix"-variant, too. At least you can build around it:

Ignis, Rebel Arsonist
Legendary Creature - Human Rebel
First Strike
Whenever a permanent gets exiled, Ignis, Rebel Arsonist deals 3 damage to target creature or player and you gain 3 life.
2/2

Good with StP, Flickerwisp, Astral Slide, O-Ring effects and many more. Would be best buds with Norin the Wary.

[rufus]

...

Squadron Hawk combo?

Mountain combo FTW!